Define Humanity
by NovemberMurray
Summary: He reached through the layers of the world, back and back to another mind that was calling out, "Veda?" and they collided.- If Tieria had known enough about the future and he could save Neil, how would his life be different? AU Follows Tieria and Neil in the time between S1 and S2. Slash Tieria/Lockon(Neil) Rated T for safety.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I do not own Gundam 00

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Define Humanity by November Murray

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Chapter 1: Honesty

.o0o.

"I didn't expect to find you out here."

Tieria turned. "Lockon."

"What are you doing?" The brunet asked. Tieria turned away without even a shrug and looked back up at the moon, floating above the pacific. He had discarded his sweater on a piece of driftwood up the beach along with his shoes and rolled his pants up to his knees. It did them little good because each wave in the small cove splashed water up his thighs and soaked the tan fabric.

"Fine don't tell me," Lockon said with a shrug. "You should be getting some rest though, we'll be heading to the elevator in a few hours."

"Two and a half."

"All the more reason to rest up."

"What about you?"

"Couldn't sleep if I wanted to."

They were silent for a minute listening to the wind in the trees, the waves and the insects that lived on the secluded island.

"I used to hate earth. I preferred the simplicity of space. From space everything is so clear where as here things are…"

"Messy," Lockon suggested. Tieria nodded.

"But there are things about earth I will miss, like this."

Lockon sat down on the driftwood and on a whim pulled off his boots. He rolled up his pants and left his vest beside Tieria's pink sweater and waded into the waves.

"Damn, Tieria, this water is freezing." He noted and shivered, digging his toes into the sand. Tieria chuckled.

"You'll become numb in a moment."

"That's not a good thing you know." Lockon chided as he came up beside his companion. Under his feet he saw movement through the water as fish and small crabs scurried away.

"Sorry." Lockon said as he watched the now lifeless water lap at his pants.

"They'll come back if you stay still."

They stood in compassionate silence for a while watching the night pass overhead and the moon rising.

"It's much prettier from down here," Lockon said softly.

"What?"

"The moon. When I first saw it up close it felt… desolate. All of space seemed that way."

"And now?"

"I don't think my opinions have changed much. I prefer things a bit messy."

"Clearly."

"Oi, what's that supposed to mean?" He splashed Tieria lightly as the purple hair man chuckled. "You laugh more than you used to." Tieria froze. "And back there, in the hanger, you spoke for yourself instead of for Veda."

"What's your point?" Tieria asked blankly, a small frown on his face.

"I think it's a good, the changes in you. Makes you more fun to be around." Lockon has only just finished his sentence when cold water droplets slashed onto his back all the way up to his neck. He yelled out in surprise at Tieria's retaliation. Tieria just laughed.

"Hey, hey, if that's how you want to play." Lockon growled and without thinking tackled this smaller man, plunging them both into the water. Tieria yelped before they both hit the water and then everything was silent and Lockon was staring into the underwater moonlit world at their feet. He sat up quickly, gasping from the sudden cold pulling away his body heat. Tieria came up with a similar noise and some sputtering.

"What was that for?" He demanded angrily. Lockon just looked at him. His cheeks twitched, his lips tightened, his eyes tensed. Tieria glowered and Lockon gave in and laughed.

"What?" Tieria demanded.

"Your glasses are all tangled in your hair."

Tieria reached up to feel the tangled strands of his hair wrapped around the wire frames. All of his hair was swept to one said by the water and it was curling in the humidity. Tieria ground his teeth and closed his eyes as he tried not to imagine how ridiculous he looked at the moment.

"Let me give you a hand." Lockon said leaning over. "Here you go," He handed Tieria a long piece of seaweed and chuckled at the Mister's horrified reaction. "It won't kill you. And," he passed over the glasses, now free of purple hair. Lockon ruffled Tieria's hair just to see the other man grimace and smirked.

"Race ya," he said with his charming grin.

"What for?"

"First to the hanger gets the shower first." Lockon jumped up, splashing Tieria again.

"Wait, Lockon!" Tieria yelled after him the growled under his breathe, "cheater." But the effect was utterly ruined by his smile.

The hot water of the shower did feel good after the cold ocean. Lockon was out moments after Tieria made it back to the hanger so there was enough water left in the small tank. When Tieria came out, the living space attached to the hanger was empty. He shrugged it off and sat down at the computer, finishing up the preparations for the Gundam's return to space.

A mug tapped against the table as it was set beside him.

"Hot Chocolate." Lockon said with a smile.

"Why?"

"Always tastes better when you're cold."

Tieria eyed the cup then picked it up and sipped the sweet drink.

"What? No comment on calorie intake?"

Tieria made a dismissive noise and took another sip of his drink. Lockon leaned against the table and drank his own.

"Lockon."

"It's Neil."

"Neil." Tieria said the foreign word and it rolled awkwardly off his tongue. Lockon chuckled humorlessly.

"How funny. It used to be strange to be called Lockon, now my own name sounds wrong as well."

"Is it important, your real name?"

"I used to think it was. I don't like to lie."

"You truly are a hypocrite."

"So I am but at least I'm honest about that."

"Humans, you can be so dedicated to your convictions and yet walk around contradicting them."

"It's not that simple."

"'Messy.'"

"Ah, something like that."

"I will continue to use your codename, Lockon Stratos."

"Fine by me. Do what you like."

"It's not—" Tieria stopped himself. Given the current circumstances it was pointless to continue using code names but he still didn't feel comfortable calling Lockon by a different name. Instead of explaining he picked up his cup and sipped the hot drink. The computer beeped and a confirmation came up on the screen.

"Preparations are complete, we can leave on schedule."

"Don't wake Setsuna yet, let him sleep."

"Of course."

"Crazy kid pushes himself too hard. It's admirable, the way he throws himself at what he believes without restraint, the fool."

"There will be more than enough for him to do once we rendezvous with Ptolomy."

"That's where it will all take place, Gundam fighting Gundam."

"Yes." Tieria gripped his cup tightly.

"Hey, don't worry about it. It's all part of the plan right?"

"I do not see how that is supposed to ease away the reality of our situation. Besides it is hardly right for you to tell me not to worry when you are also too restless to sleep."

"You caught me there."

They were silent again, and uncomfortable tense silence like the moment before the wave crashes.

"Tieria."

"Ah."

"Why are you doing this? What is your reason for fighting?"

"To complete Aolia's plan." Tieria said without hesitation.

"Is that all?"

"Ah."

Silence lapsed again.

"No," Tieria corrected himself. "I want to see it for myself, humanity in that future he dreamed of."

"You believe in it then?"

"Don't you? Isn't that why you are fighting?"

"Ah, I want to believe in it. I will fight for it even if I don't live to see it. I'm just surprised to hear you say you believe in something irrational."

"Do all the Misters think so little of me?"

"Hey, hey, I didn't say that."

"Lockon…Neil, as someone who dislikes liars," Tieria bit his lip and forced himself to look up into Lockon's eyes, "What do you think of me?" Neil blinked once at the question. The time seemed to drag for Tieria before Lockon smiled. Then he did something perplexing. Tieria's mind was still trying to figure it out by the time it was over.

_He… kissed me_. It had been gentle, short, and one sided. Neil took Tieria's bottom lip between his own in a short caress and then pulled away.

"That was the first time," was all Tieria managed to say to Lockon's confused and worried expression.

"Really?" Lockon tried to hold back his grin. "Makes me kind of happy. Now you can never forget me."

"Don't be ridiculous. I have many other reasons to remember you." Tieria put down his cup on the table and stood. He buried his hand in Lockon's curls pulling their lips together for a true kiss. Lockon recovered from his own surprise faster than Tieria had and pulled the smaller man close. Tieria responded, deepening the kiss. Lockon tried not to smile as he taught Tieria the pleasures of physical human contact.

Footsteps outside pulled them both from the strange primal place they had been and into reality. By the time the door slid open Tieria was back in his seat and Lockon was walking away with his cup in hand, half turned away. Setsuna saw nothing out of the ordinary and went about finding himself some breakfast.

.o0o.

Smuggling their machines into the colony cargo, the elevator train ride, the rendezvous with Ptolomy, the preparations for the coming battle all kept Tieria and Lockon busy. The next time they had a moment to speak alone it was brief. Tieria was preoccupied, Veda being the most important thing on his mind. More than anything he wanted to consult with the mainframe. It had always eased his mind before. Now he faced losing it completely.

"Something on your mind?" A voice and the sound of the door opening interrupted his thoughts.

"Lockon Stratos"

"Don't worry so much. Even if we can't rely on Veda's backup we've got the Gundams and Miss Sumeragi's tactical forecasts." Lockon smiled easily.

"You must not be aware of the crimes she committed in the past."

"I know." Lockon cut him off. "But anyone can make a mistake. In her case it just happened to be a very big one. But Miss Sumeragi chose to fight in order to atone for her past. And she drinks to dilute the regret she has in her heart. And the only reason she can do that is because that's what humans do."

"Human…" Tieria wondered if he would ever understand what it truly meant to be human and if he was truly so different. If no one knew what he was… "Lockon are you saying you know about me?" Tieria felt something in his chest clench uncomfortably. Allelujah took that moment to interrupt them.

"Guys, Sumeragi just gave us orders to stand by in the containers."

"Roger," Lockon acknowledged. He turned back to Tieria with a serious face.

"Tieria, let me say this much. Now that the tide is turned against us it'll be more critical than ever that the four Gundams cooperate with each other. I'm counting on you." The clenched feeling eased but did not go away. Tieria swallowed his personal concerns.

"You should be saying that to Setsuna F Seiei," He corrected Lockon who laughed. Tieria truly relaxed at the sound.

"Yeah, you're right about that." Lockon said with a smile. "Coming?"

"Yes." Tieria glided toward the door but before he got there Lockon caught his arm.

"Lockon?" Tieria couldn't form a complete thought before Lockon had taken his face in his free hand and brought their lips together fleetingly.

"For luck."

"Luck is an irrational construct."

"Then for my luck." Lockon said with a small smile before he left heading in the opposite direction Tieria was. Tieria hovered for a moment in the absence of gravity and lifted his fingers to his lips. He shook off thoughts of kisses and warm hands and set off toward the container and Virtue. His mind was already racing with questions about Veda and the plan, the last thing he needed was physical distractions.

.o0o.

Tieria felt the link as it was severed. It felt like the sudden plunge into the icy ocean except there was no coming back up. There was only the cold, mercilessness and hostility of space.

Has Veda abandoned me? Have I been cast aside? Has this all been part of the plan to raise us only to be destroyed? Could that be Aolia's plan? Why? What have I done wrong? Where did I diverge from the plan? Veda?

Then something, vague and far off called to him, getting closer.

Who's there?

Who are you?

Tieria Erde.

How do you know me?

It's me.

Who?

You.

Then they collided.

Tieria gave a shuddering gasp. Light flickered across the screens of his cockpit, running on the last of the energy. He knew what had happened, what he had done, what was going to happen, what he was going to do yet. Joy, despair, anger, desperation, elation, pleasure, pain… the emotions cascaded over his mind in such a discordant tumult he let them out the only way he knew. He screamed at the emptiness of space.

"Lockon," he whimpered when the last echoes had faded. "All because you protected me, all because of this…"

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Author's Note: From here on this is AU. There will still be canon stuff for a while but the difference will be apparent when it happens. This is a multi chapter story and I've completed it at 111 pages and more than 50 thousand words. Most of the chapters still require some editing, which I'll do before each posting. I'll keep posting chapters if there's interest. Thanks for reading. -Ember


	2. Chapter 2

[AUTHORS NOTES: Ok so. I really really suck at this whole posting gradually thing. Yeah. So I'm just...not. Read, don't read, *shrug*.]

Chapter 2: Chaos

.o0o.

Tieria was desperately trying to understand everything that had been crammed into his head in the split second of connection, the sheer vibrancy of the information, pregnant with emotion and detail. Sometimes he felt like himself and other times he was someone else, someone who had seen the world turn but had been surprised by even it's complexity. It was all wrong though.

"How long are you going to be like this?" Lockon had found him on the observatory deck. Tieria pushed away his other side and was himself again. "It's not like you. I'd rather see you acting obnoxious like you usually are." The sniper tried to get a rise out of the other man.

"I've lost them." Tieria responded, sounding lifeless and lost.

"Huh?"

"I've lost the qualities I used to possess that made me a Meister now that I can't link directly to Veda. I can no longer…" Lockon knew that what he heard in Tieria's voice was the man's heart breaking. "I'm not worthy to be a Meister." Lockon approached his friend, comrade, maybe more… making sure to put Tieria on his left where he could see him.

"So you think you're not worthy. I don't see any problem."

"What?"

"So you can't link to it anymore. That's all. Think of it as becoming like the rest of us." Lockon smiled at Tieria for a moment and saw a slight change in the other Meister.

"The real problem is that someone has taken control of Veda." Tieria redirected. "Without Veda the plan just isn't—"

"We can continue it." Lockon cut him off. He couldn't let Tieria go down that path and lose his will to fight and to live, not when their toughest fight yet was still to come. "With our Gundams, we're fighting to eradicate war."

"But the probability that we can carry out the plan is—"

"Enough with the doubts and speculation, just do it. There's a guy who'll set an example beside you, a fool who will give it his all to do what he believes." Lockon thought about Setsuna, on whom so many hopes were now riding. He knew Tieria believed in the plan and the future. He just hoped that Tieria would fight for it.

"What he believes." Tieria whispered, echoing as his thoughts raced.

"Later." Lockon turned away. He wanted to stay, to hold Tieria again, to tell him it was alright but that wasn't what Tieria needed so instead he told him, "Go to your room and get some rest."

"Lockon" Tieria called him back.

"Hm?"

"I'm sorry."

"It's like Miss Sumeragi," Lockon said with a smile, "everyone makes mistakes because we're just human." He took hold of the handle and let it guide him away, feeling Tieria's eyes on his back.

.o0o.

Neil lay in bed, trying half heartedly to sleep though he knew it wasn't coming. His mind was too busy with thoughts of Tieria, his mourning and his pain. He raised a hand to his eye patch and winced. The carnage underneath was gruesome, if it ever healed it would leave a nasty scar. It would be a constant reminder for Tieria. It would be much better if he could forget. Sometimes the world is cruel, Lockon thought to himself.

A knock came on the door. _Probably Feldt, I haven't talked to her yet. She'll be upset._ He readied himself for what was inevitably to come and opened the door.

"Tieria?" It was the smaller man's turn to cut the other off with a kiss. Pushing off from the floor Tieria brought them to the same level and held tightly to Neil, kissing him passionately and burying his hands in brown curls. Lockon let the momentum carry them back, pressing the door button before he let go of the wall. They were plunged into a darkness filled with warm kisses and hands holding each other close.

"What is this all of a sudden?" Lockon asked.

"Isn't this human? To want selfishly? To feel regret and guilt? To be forgiven?" Tieria whispered against Lockon's neck and felt the other man shudder against him. Tieria was about to pull away when Lockon's arms tightened around him.

"Is now really the time?" Lockon asked.

"Is there a better one?" They found each other's lips and words became unnecessary. Lockon guided them to his bed where they curled together, shedding each other's clothing and discovering each other's bodies. There in the near darkness lit only by the light of the computer screen they came together, neither understand the other perfectly, neither knowing exactly why, what their feelings were, where it was going, what it was, or how long they would have in the world to figure it out. For those scant minutes it didn't matter.

Afterward Lockon lay beside Tieria knowing his bed was a mess and not caring. Tieria was still breathing hard, collecting himself slowly.

"I'm sorry," Neil tried to say, for letting us both get carried away, for possibly hurting you, for everything. Tieria put his fingers over Lockon's lips to quiet him and just stared down the larger man. His eyes saying so clearly that there was nothing to apologize for and nothing to be said.

"Alright," Lockon said with a smile and leaned forward, kissing Tieria's sweaty forehead. "Give me a minute." He slipped out of the covers and propelled himself toward the small bathroom. Tieria was left alone. The new side of him, the whirlpool of emotion and shattered memories cried and rejoiced and yearned to hold Lockon again, to never let go. Tieria held it back. He'd only just found out what he had to do. If he gave in to the chaos inside of him he would lose focus and all would be lost.

He was getting dressed when Lockon came out of the bathroom.

"You're leaving?" He asked in surprise.

"Ah," Tieria answered. "We're not out of danger yet and I have duties to attend to." I will save you. I have to save you. I can not… can not…

"Tieria," Neil caught his arm as he passed through the doorway. Tieria turned to look into Lockon's one blue eye, promising himself it would not be the last time. "Don't die," Lockon ordered him to Tieria's surprise.

"I will say the same to you."

"Don't worry about me."

"As a man who hates liars, can you honestly say that I shouldn't?"

Neil was quiet. Tieria took the handle and let it carry him away without a goodbye or a parting touch. It's not the end. It's not the last time. That will not be our goodbye. That was not how I remember it. I can change this. I can change his future. I can save him.

Tieria hurried to the Dynames container and set to work. There was a lot to be done and soon the battle would come. Alelujah found him there and disapproved of his actions but did not interfere. Lockon came to the door when the orders were given and angrily cursed the locked door. He used Horo to override the command, oblivious to the two way transfer that took place when the small robot was connected. He blacked out just before the explosion that should have killed him, his hand out stretched to earth and his last thoughts going out to his brother. Then he was enveloped in darkness.

"Lockon, Lockon. Lockon, Lockon. Lockon…"

.o0o.

"Is he alright?" Tieria burst into the med bay. It was already crowded with Feldt holding Horo, Setsuna, Sumeragi and Dr. Moreno.

"He's alive." Sumeragi said tensely. Dr. Moreno was still at work at the computer while the automated arms of the medbay attended to Lockon's battered body. His helmet had been removed but he still wore his flight suit.

"But how?" Setsuna asked.

"Saved him, saved him. Good Job? Good job?" Horo beeped

"Horo?" Feldt lifted the robot.

"Yes, you did good," Tieria said to the robot, putting an affectionate hand on the robot's top. He relaxed and felt a small sad smile on his face. He will be ok. I have changed the future so he will survive.

"Tieria," Setsuna put the pieces together. "Did you do this?"

"I programed Horo to protect Lockon even when given conflicting orders. I thought he might do something stupid." Tieria explained. "The only order I could not override was that to protect the solar reactor.

"Dynames jettisoned it just outside of the active zone," Sumeragi noted.

"As I programed it to. Horo would use any stored GN Particles to protect Lockon as best he could. It was a gamble but it paid off."

"Tieria," Sumeragi gasped. "Did Veda help you with this."

"Don't be ridiculous. He's easy to predict, Lockon Stratos."

"How is he?" Feldt asked Dr. Moreno.

"He will survive," The doctor did not look up from the machines, "He fractured nearly every bone on his right side, he sustained minor to mild shrapnel wounds, he has a Grade 3 concussion and coupled with the previous injuries I estimate he will need more than two weeks in the capsule."

Sumeragi made a frustrated noise and furrowed her brow. Setsuna glowered.

"But he'll recover?" Feldt asked.

"He should recover completely. I've removed the shrapnel and If I put him in the capsule now even his eye will…"

"No." Sumeragi cut him off.

"What?" Tieria asked outraged.

"Why?" Setsuna demanded.

"The situation is too precarious. Once he goes in he can't come out and we cannot guarantee the safety of this ship. The best thing to do is wait until we are out of this close observation and transport him to Krung Threp for treatment. He will be safer there for at least a while."

"Can he go that long without treatment?" Tieria demanded of the doctor.

"The longer we wait the lower the chances are that he will make a full recovery. 3 days, 5 at the most, if he remains like this for a week there is a 50 percent chance of full recovery, declining significantly after that."

"Alright," Sumeragi said. "Then that is the mission. We will survive and we will get Lockon back to Krung Threp as soon as possible. This isn't over. We will need everyone's help getting ready for what is to come. Tieria."

Tieria was staring despondently through the glass at Neil. There was a plastic mask over his nose and mouth, blood matted in his hair, the eyepatch had been replaced with a bandage and his right cheek had a blossoming bruise.

"Tieria," Sumeragi put a hand on his shoulder and he jumped. "This isn't your fault. You saved his life. Now we need to focus on getting out of this alive."

"He's not saved yet," Tieria responded and pushed away from the wall toward the door. "I'm going to help Ian with repairs."

"I'll do the same." Setsuna said with a nod to Sumeragi.

"Feldt, we need you on the bridge." The Commander said softly.

"I know," Feldt wiped her damp eyes. "I just… a little longer…"

"Of course. Come when you're ready. Thank you Dr. Moreno."

The doctor nodded to her as she left and looked pityingly at Feldt as she watched the man behind the glass breathing slowly and clinging to his life. Within four hours the Med Bay was a hole in the ship, a vacuum filled with floating debris and blood droplets drifting away from the ship into the darkness.

Tieria floated in the broken remains of his Gundam sliding in and out of consciousness, through the past and the present and the future he has seen.

_He's gone, all I did and I still lost him. Lockon, Neil, forgive me. He did. He never knew. Gone now. I tried to save you. So many people I saved, will save but not you. I tried… always trying… did I make up for it… does it matter… so may years… but after everything it wasn't enough. Why? Why then did it come to me? … the impossible… after so long… right back where… I never left… always in that moment…Why should I know the future… the path… the plan… could it have been planned… so cruel… if I can not change it? Lockon. If I can not save you… I will have to go on without you… I did go on without you… never forgetting… only real… the only real thing left… let me follow you. Let me go where you are… if things can really change… Don't leave me alone… again… That noise…The reactor. I have to save the reactor. Did save the reactor… If nothing else… They will go on. Humans… they will go on… I do not envy them… I have seen too much… let me follow you Lockon… perhaps… this is why…_

Vaguely he felt the hissing of the hydrolics, the familiar jolt of the suit. _I've felt it before… that time… Mercinaries… Mileana… "Shoot!"… "No, Erde-san"… "Now!"… "But, Veda... you'll—" "NOW!" The light… that bright light… "Tieria!"… Don't be so sad, Mileana. I can follow where you are, finally, Lockon._ Tieria's thoughts drifted into the turmoil of darkness and unfamiliar memories. They were no comfort to him because in none of them could he find that man, with those bright blue eyes, with the calm voice, the easy laugh, the warm smile… he couldn't fine Neil.

.o0o.

Tieira dreamed. He dreamed he lived a life that was not completely his. He could change nothing only float through it from the moment of waking in Krung Threp through battles against the Federation Government, through new comrads, new tragedies, and victories. He died. He died but lived on and was reborn. He fought. He died and still he lived, watched the world changing, and still he lived, and still he missed. And still he remembered those days when flesh and bone were his only form and those memories were the most powerful, still fresh as the day he slipped into the cold analytical world that had become his home, his form, his existence. Then the call came again. He took his body, he lived again with the pain and the joy of humanity, and he loved. Beautiful, hopeful, human, Mileana… and he died. But it was not the end because his consciousness, reaching out in his last moments to comfort his second and last love reached through the layers of the world, back and back to another mind that was calling out.

_**Veda?**_

_Who's there?_

_**Who are you?**_

_Tieria Erde._

_**How do you know me?**_

_It's me._

_**Who?**_

_You._

Then they collided. Tieria woke up in Sereve watching the screen above him in horror.

"Lockon!" he screamed. _Move, Move, I have to…_ he tried to move but his limbs wouldn't respond. It wasn't Sereve floating in space it was him. He was floating, looking right up at death coming down on him, glowing red and made of metal. He fought to move without Veda, without Lockon, without his comrades and friends, alone is the cold and dark of space.

"I'm sorry, Tieria. I failed." Sumeragi? He could hear her voice as if she were right beside him in the dark "I ruined the plan. You were right to doubt me. I should have listened. Tieria. I'm so sorry. Goodbye." _That- that can't be. You couldn't—where did we go wrong?_

"We're going to need you. Hurry back to us. The world needs you, more than ever." _Ian? What does Ian mean?_

"Everyone—everyone always leaves me. Why?" _Feldt. No Feldt I didn't mean to! Or did I—I did want death. I wanted to follow him, Lockon. _"Please wake up, Lockon, Tieria."

_Lockon, lockon, Neil._ Tieria pushed through the layers of unconscious and felt the solidity of the bed against his back, the slights pressure of the tucked covers that kept him from floating away, his hair shifting slightly in the lack of gravity tickling his cheeks, the warm flow of air across his face, the smell of disinfectant, the silence.

_I'm alive._ He surfaced out of the dream and blinked in the bright light.

"Where am I?" Tieria sat up and looked around at the familiar Med Bay. Of course he'd been here before. This was the first place he remembered. The first place his eyes had ever seen. It was Krung Threp. He looked to his right and gasped. Neil lay there in the pod beside him under the glass, one eye under a bandage, the other closed gently in sleep.

"Lockon," He breathed then the doors opened.

"Tieria!" Ian came floating in followed by a familiar female doctor who worked at Krung Threp.

"Ian Vashti."

"Glad to see there's no significant brain damage if you remember me." Ian smiled at him as the doctor checked him over for any adverse reactions to the treatment. There were the obligatory questions, name, current year, etc. Then the woman checked the computer and declared him fit to leave.

"Lockon? How is he?" Tieria asked the doctor and she frowned.

"There were some problems."

"Problems?"

"Relax Tieria," Ian put a hand on his shoulder, "He'll be fine. He should be waking up in a few hours."

"Six." The Doctor corrected.

"Right. Lets get some food then." Ian nearly dragged Tieria out of the med bay. "You're lucky I was awake, it's night cycle here."

"Why are you awake then?" Tieria asked.

"Working on the new models."

"New models?"

"You trashed the old ones pretty good." Ian responded. "I was damned proud of those but I have high hopes for the new ones."

"How long have I been asleep?" Tieria demanded.

"Four weeks. Here we are." Ian stopped them at a door and opened it, revealing a storage room. After some rummaging he found Tieira an outfit like his own, half jacket, white shirt and gray pants. Tieria gratefully used the room to change out of his medical gown. Ian led him to a large room, mostly unlit like the rest of the base. He scrounged up meals and turned on the lights over one of the long tables.

"Eat up." Ian commanded, digging into his own with relish. Tieria just stared at his food.

"What happened?"

"Things went to shit," Ian said simply. "Eat now, talk later."

"Where are the others?"

"I told you. It's night cycle."

"Do you expect me to believe we made it out of that without a single casualty?" Tieria stood up and his voice rose.

"Oi, don't go waking everyone else. Sit and eat. Then I'll tell you everything you want to know. There's even some of Sumeragi's alcohol left, I'm damned sure to need it."

"Ian," Tieria sank back into his seat and picked at his food. He found as soon as he started eating his empty stomach demanded more. He finished quickly then waited for Ian who seemed to be dreading the conversation. Finally their empty trays were removed and Ian brought out a familiar yellow can.

"You must have heard some of it over the coms but I can fill in what you missed." Ian explained, the conversation eerily familiar, like a half remembered dream, something he'd heard in another life. That did nothing to dull the pain though. He mourned the loss of Christina, Lichty, Dr. Moreno, Alelujah and even Setsuna. He mourned for Sumeragi who had disappeared during her health visit to earth. Then Ian came to the last member of the crew, the one Tieria was most anxious to hear about.

"Lockon woke up when the bombardment started. Never one to sit still even when he was injured, he went to the container before even I did to man the guns. Lucky that he did."

"He shouldn't have been moving around."

"The Med Bay was gone moments later. If he'd been there he'd be dead. He saved our asses out there anyway. The strain was too much though, they said the concussion was more sever than the initial scans showed. He blacked out and I had to call Sumeragi down. Chris sent Feldt down to us a few minutes later right before—" Ian's voice caught and he turned his attention to his drink. Tieria frowned.

"We picked up the reactors we could. Dynames's we salvaged from the ship. Then we found yours. You were were in pretty bad shape when we finally got to you. Kyrios's Solar Reactor was floating away from the battlefield. Alelujah must have had enough awareness to do that but I think Kyrios was still in the Asteroid field. If he survived he was captured."

"Setsuna?"

"Nothing. After the battle he was just… gone."

"Why hasn't Lockon recovered?"

"Now there's the kicker. Damned morons," Ian growled. "This is the part that pisses me off most. Bastards."

"What's wrong with him?"

"The psudo GN particles… they're poisonous. They mutate living cells and make cellular regeneration impossible. By the time we got Lockon back here there was only so much that could be done. His eye…" Ian just shook his head.

"N—no way. But—"

"His body healed mostly, the particles were in his system though and it took nearly five days to get back here and avoid detection. We were afraid we'd lose both of you."

"But will he…"

"We don't really know. Doctor Stadler will do all she can. Maybe the particle's effects will go away, maybe not." Ian lifted the can to his lips again and finished it.

"Come on, Feldt wants to be there when Lockon wakes up." He stood and drifted away, leaving Tieria alone with his thoughts and worries.

Five hours later the waiting was coming to an end. Feldt had been overjoyed to see Tieria in her quiet unassuming way but she cried and smiled, which was a lot for Feldt. Now she stood close to Lockon's pod watching his face as the revival sequence started. Finally the glass pulled back with a hiss of compressed air. Unconsciously Tieria leaned closer. Neil's good eye opened slowly, then blinked rapidly against the light.

"Feldt?" He asked, voice still thick with sleep. Being on his blind side, Tieria was out of Lockon's view. "You said Virtue—Virtue ejected the drive, you can't—Tieria—you have to save Tieria."

"Lockon," Feldt smiled.

"You're ridiculous," Tieria sighed in relief, "the first thing you do when you wake up is worry about other people." Lockon turned to him with a wide eye and then smiled.

"Tieria." He sat up and made to rub his eyes but he jumped when his left hand felt the bandage. He ran his fingers over it as he looked around.

"Where are we?"

"Krung Threp." Tieria responded.

"Ah, Ptolomy?"

A tense silence filled the room. Feldt began to tear up.

"Oh," Lockon realized his mistake.

"Ian can explain."

"Sounds good," Lockon made to move out of the pod and winced. "Guess I'm a bit stiff."

"It's not just that." The doctor came floating into the room. "Could I have a few minutes with the patient?"

"Just make it short, doc, I'm going to be hungry soon."

"Of course."

"We'll go find you something good. Come on Feldt." Ian said and led Feldt away while she struggled to keep her composure. Tieria shared a look with Lockon but he didn't understand what Lockon wanted him to get from it. The irishman looked worried and resolute but also… fearful. Tieria lifted his hand as if to touch Lockon but decided against it immediately and followed Ian and Feldt out of the Med Bay.

In the hall Feldt was sobbing quietly into Ian's jacket as he held her. Tieria stood by awkwardly feeling lost. There was no objective, no goal, no mission, no plan… nothing… but there was Lockon. He held to that thought as he waited. Feldt was still crying when Neil came out what seemed like hours later. His face was solomn and he didn't look at Tieria. He forced a smile and glided over to Feldt and Ian.

"Hey, Feldt," He put a hand on her head and she looked up before throwing herself from Ian to Lockon and cried on.

"Christina's gone. Lichty too. Sumeragi and Dr. Moreno and Alelujah and Setsuna. They're—They're all—gone!" Feldt babbled. Lockon just held her as the news sunk in.

"All of them?" He asked Ian.

"Sumeragi's run away, probably halfway down a bottle right now. Alelujah and Setsuna are missing. Lasse's in the intensive care unit. The others—" Ian trailed off.

"No way," Lockon breathed and held Feldt tighter. "Just us?" Tieria floated across the hallway and put his hand on Lockon's shoulder. Neil didn't even turn instead he just asked, "how could this happen?" Ian answered the rhetorical question.

"They hit us again after—"

"Ian," Lockon cut him off and looked down at Feldt meaningfully.

"Right. Come on Feldt. Let's get you back to bed."

Feldt shook her head and did not release Lockon.

"Feldt," Lockon said softly and lifted her so he could look her in the eye. "I'm not going anywhere. We're safe here. Go get some rest. You've worked hard and been strong." She shook her head.

"I couldn't do anything. In the end I couldn't do anything for Chris or Lichty or…" Her voice caught and she shook away the tears that gathered around her eyes.

"It's enough Feldt. It's enough." Lockon whispered. "I'll see you again for breakfast, alright?"

She held her breath and nodded, finally letting go of his arms. Ian put his around her shoulder and led her away. The two Misters watched them go.

"How is she doing?" Lockon asked.

"I only woke up hours before you did but not good. They give her drugs to sleep but she needs you, she needs a friend." Tieria whispered.

"Damn it all." Tieria turned to see the look of agony on Lockon's face and it froze him through to his heart, stopping the organ still. Lockon turned and his expression softened somewhere between sorrow and gratitude. He lifted a hand and ran it through Tieria's hair.

"Lockon," Tieria whispered. The other man just shook his head.

"I don't have any claim to that name anymore. I understand now, what you felt when you said you'd lost them." Lockon closed his eye and dipped his head, "there's nothing they can do. I'll never be strong enough to pilot a mobile suit. Without my eye, without that, I—" Neil shook his head.

"No, but they…"

"It doesn't mater now Tieria."

"Lockon."

"Don't—please don't," Neil shook his head and turned away. Tieria drifted behind Loc—Neil toward the Cafeteria. Ian was there to meet them. He found food but Neil refused to eat until the story had been told in full. Tieria listened silently, the second telling harder to listen to than the first.

"I see." Neil said when Ian finished and turned his attention silently to his food. Ian squirmed a little unsettled by the silence. Neil seemed lost in thought, Tieria had no intention of interrupting him and Ian didn't know what to say so the silence continued.

"Well I'm off to bed," The mechanic said finally. "I haven't slept yet and it's two hours till day cycle. We've got tests to run on the new parts tomorrow and a planning meeting for the GN-006. That'll be your new unit if we live long enough to see it." Neil froze for a moment.

"Ah," he acknowledged and went back to his food. Tieria half expect him to correct Ian but the mechanic was already leaving and Neil didn't say a word. Tieria stayed with Neil in silence until he'd finished eating and still they sat in silence.

"I wish you would say something," Neil said finally, his bangs covering his good eye.

"I have nothing to say."

"Then ask a question."

"You'll tell me if I need to know."

"Damn it all. I don't—" He looked up at Tieria across the table. "—what do I do now?"

"You are a member of Celestial Being. You do what you have always done. Fight on."

"Weren't you listening, you stuborn block headed—"

"Of course. But it changes nothing. You don't have to be in a mobile suit to continue fighting. Feldt, Ian, everyone here, they fight in their own way. I should not have to tell you this. You are perfectly capable of deducing these facts for yourself." Tieria stood, hovering for a moment beside the table but not looking down at Lockon. "I do not pity you, Neil Dylandy. I feel guilt that this happened because of me but you have not fallen so low that I should take pity on you."

"Tieria," Neil gasped.

"I remember a fool who give his all to do what he believed, the admirable fool. I will follow his example." Tieria glided away, feeling Neil's eyes on his back and left the room.

For a while Tieria was wandered without direction through the halls and mourned for the friends he'd lost. If I am not human, he thought to himself, why does it hurt so much? Must not I be human to feel this kind of pain? Is it worth it to be human if it means feeling this?

Tieria wandered the corridors until he found the room that had been his before he was deployed on Ptolomy. It still had his name on the plate beside the door. Without thought he put in his code and jumped when it was rejected. Then he realized he'd put in his code for the door on Ptolomy. Fighting back the grief Tieria typed in the right code and entered the room. It was clean, no settled dust, no musty smell, not a wrinkle in the bedspread or an open window on the computer. There were no Christmas cards in the closet that Lichty gave to the crew each year. There were no random pieces of clothing from his visits to earth. There was nothing in the room that made it his. The door locked behind him with a hiss and Tieria took off his glasses, leaving them floating around the room. He slipped into the cold bed and hugged his knees, waiting for sleep to come and trying to clear his mind, trying not to think. He was still trying not to think when the day cycle came and the small lights in the corners of the ceiling brightened slowly. In his drone like state he got up and changed into old clothes, comfortable but unfamiliar now. He slipped out into the empty hallway. There were three other doors there, for three other misters. He passed Alelujah's and Setsuna's without a glance but stopped before Lockon's. He gulped and lifted his hand to knock but Lockon's face full of agony and self doubt asking him "what do I do now?" flashed before his mind and Tieria turned away and left.

He went to the cafeteria where he found the morning crowd. They hushed as he passed but no one dared say anything. He knew many of their names but that was all. They were as good as strangers to him. Tieria got coffee, or what passed for it in space, and found a secluded seat. He didn't expect to see Ian or Feldt until midday. He didn't know when he'd see Neil or if he wanted to.

"Erde-san!" A happy female voice called out and moments later he was joined at his table by a small, young girl with curly brown hair and a wide smile. She was perhaps 10 or 11 years old. "Do you remember me?"

"No." He said simply and she pouted. Unlike the other people in the cafeteria she was not dressed in a Celestial being uniform but wore bright blue tights a green skirt and shirt of the most garish pink.

"But we had so much fun, don't you remember," she asked insistently, "grape juice and marshmallows!"

"Mileana Vashti?" Tieria asked, remembering a painful afternoon in her company 3 years ago.

"That's me!" She said and raised her hand as if she'd been called on in school, an innocently happy smile on her face.

"Why are you bothering me?"

"I can't talk to you?"

"I'm not really in the mood for talking."

"Awww. You're all no fun." Mileana pouted again. "When I'm grown up I won't be boring and no fun. I'll run this whole place make everyone have fun." She grumbled. Something stirred in Tieria's mind, a dream of a dream where she smiled, lines on her face and still as feisty and full of energy as the smaller version of her before him.

"So you will."

"You think?" She asked with a new smile. Her moods shifted as if a switch had been flicked.

"Found a friend?" Lockon's voice made Tieria jump.

"Loc—"

"It's Neil."

"Neil," Tieria said softly, the name still awkward on his tongue.

"Neil? Who's that?" The little girl asked.

"Me," Neil said as he sat down beside Tieria. "It's my name." Mileana gasped and covered her mouth.

"But we're not supposed to know, you're a Meister."

"Nope, not anymore."

"Really? Why?"

"Well we don't have any one eyed Gundam lying around do we?"

"My papa could make you one." She suggested.

"I'm sure he could. He's talented, your father."

"But not right now. He's sleeping."

"Mileana! Your mother told you not to leave my side." A peeved looking man growled as he came over.

"But I haven't seen Erde-san in soooooo long."

"Don't bother the Meisters. How many times do we have to tell you? People here are working!"

"It's really ok," Neil told the man. "She wasn't bothering us."

"Speak for yourself." Tieria corrected him.

"Oh don't be so down Tieria, she's just lonely like us."

"Regardless. I'm sorry for her disturbance. Come along Mileana."

"But-"

"Now."

"Awww." The young girl was dragged away by her guardian and waved at the Meisters as the door closed between them.

"Cute kid." Neil noted.

"You look better this morning."

"I still feel like crap but I better get used to it," Neil sipped his coffee, "and this. I don't remember it tasting so bad." Tieria smiled a little and drank his own. "You were right," Neil said after a moment. "I really wanted to be angry at you when you left last night but I know why you said what you did."

"Neil. I—" I was going to lose you, I saw the future, I changed the future, I'm sorry, I need you… All the words got caught in his throat. "I'm glad your alive," he said finally.

"Me too," Neil said honestly. "I may never heal but I'm glad to be alive." He turned to smile at Tieria and Tieria smiled back, a small hopeful smile.

"Though," Neil's brow furrowed. "Now we've got a problem. Without Veda how will we find new pilots? We can't exactly hold trials or put up a job advertisement."

"Currently it's a moot point. We have no Gundam for them to pilot."

"Ah that is a problem we can fix though. Plenty of work to do then."

"Yes."

"Come on then. No point trying to drink this. It might actually kill me. Let's find someone who knows what's going on around here." Neil stood and Tieria had to smile. It was so like Neil and so comforting to see his friend being himself again. For a moment he thought they could make it through, that they would survive despite it all. He held onto that idea like a lifeline, he would need it in the hard days to come.

The dream of a dream of a future that would be different faded from his mind, it slipped through the cracks of his conscience as if it had never been there. For weeks afterward Tieria would remember something that never happened without warning and then it would be gone forever. Soon the memories stopped and then there was nothing, barely even a memory of the dream, or the dream within it. But Neil remained and Tieria was thankful for that.

* * *

[AN: Yay for magical GN particles that make temporally transcendent telepathic communication possible and save Lockon/Neil. When we return there will be gravity and guns!]


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3: Crippled

.o0o.

Usually when someone pointed out that Neil's earth rotation was up he was excited. He looked forward to the comforting familiarity of gravity, the vibrancy of life on the planet, the creature comforts of real coffee, a cigarette, a meal that had never been frozen… But when Ian noted it after the GN-006 planning meeting Neil had felt a knot of anxiety in his stomach. It was strange that life or death situations gave him less trouble than the idea of facing gravity again.

He piloted the shuttle back to the orbital station, glad that he could still do that, and remembered what the doctors had told him the last time he'd gone to Med Bay for treatment and physical therapy.

"The Nano machines in your body have been strengthening the muscles in your right side and the bones have healed but they will never be as strong as they once were. The psudo GN particles are inhibiting your body's ability to heal both old and new injuries just as we've seen in Lasse Aeon."

"What does that mean for me?" Lockon asked them, trying to stay calm. The doctor, a kind woman named Hillary Stadler, frowned but like always told him the truth.

"It means you heal slower, bruises, cuts, strains, physical damage. Your immune system does not appear to be compromised or less effective but any physical stress caused by illness will take longer to recover from and leave you more susceptible to further health complications. I can't recommend you go into any combat situation, your body simply won't be able to recover if you're hurt."

"I'll take that into account."

"Your earth rotation is coming up."

"Yeah, I'm looking forward to a decent cup of coffee."

"Oh, I'm jealous." She said with a groan. "But I should warn you. Your healed body hadn't adjusted to gravity. Even with the physical therapy we've done you'll have to learn to walk on your weak leg. I'll have a cane—"

"What?" Lockon gripped the edge of the pod bed he was sitting on.

"a—a cane," The doctor repeated.

"No."

"You may not always need it but—"

"I said no," Lockon repeated and pushed away from the bed toward the door, grabbing his shirt on the way past.

"I know this is hard, but—"

"I'll make do." Neil pushed the door open button and nearly ran into Tieria.

"Lockon!"

The former Meister made an annoyed Tsk noise and pushed passed him.

"Neil!" Tieria called back after him but Neil was hurrying away. He didn't want to talk to Tieria right now, he wanted to find the bastard that had done this to him and punch him hard. Even that wasn't possible, his right arm was too weak to inflict any damage to anyone but himself and his right leg ached and protested whenever he put any force on it. Besides Ali al Sacheze was dead but even knowing that didn't give him any satisfaction.

Neil tightened his grip on the controls of the transport and tried to keep himself together, Tieria was watching, always watching. Damn Tieria, he thought to himself. The man had been quietly giving Neil space since they woke up on Krung Threp, he didn't seek Neil out unless he had something important to say, didn't initiate physical contact, didn't force conversation. In face Neil hadn't spoken to Tieria about anything other than the plans for the new generation of Gundam and what was up for dinner since their talk just after Neil woke up. It was strange to think they had been intimate before… before that incident, the incident that everyone knew about but nobody mentioned. Neil pushed away the bad memories and the bittersweet ones because they were approaching the shuttle bay of the La Tour's Low Orbit Station. Neil expertly landed the shuttle without incident then let the others take over passing the faked papers and unloading.

"Our train leaves tomorrow morning," Tieria informed Lockon as they glided toward the hanger exit. "We have rooms for the night in the orbital blocks."

"Dinner first," One of the engineers that was with them insisted.

"I'd like a good steak right now," another put in.

"Just give me a salad and I'll be in heaven." Eliza, middle aged woman behind them, said with excitement.

"I laugh at people who doubt humanity's courage to go to the stars," Neil said, "they don't seem to realize we'd give that all up for the comforts of food."

"And coffee."

"And cigarettes," the eldest of their group put in, an older engineer named Aldred Stadler. Neil caught a frown on Tieria's face and lost interest in the conversation around him. They moved outward from the hanger near the pillar to the elevators where they would be accelerated up to speed with the rotating gravity blocks. The moment Neil had been dreading. They strapped into the seats on the walls while they were given familiar instructions by the speakers.

"Are you alright?" Tieria asked.

"Fine," Neil replied tensely. Tieria frowned but took his seat and strapped in. The elevator capsule jerked as it moved away form the station then again a few minutes later when it stopped at the gravity block ring level. The acceleration began slowly, pushing all the passengers back in their seats, like a car speeding up except soon they felt the downward tug as the compartment moved in it's circular path. The acceleration stopped but the weight remain. Neil reached down to his leg which was starting to ache already from the simple force of the artificial gravity.

"The capsule is now in sync with the gravity block and it is safe to leave your seats. Please be careful when exiting the capsule and enjoy your stay at the La Tour Low Orbital Station."

Neil unclicked his harness slowly. Tieria was already standing, waiting for him. He groaned and tried to stand, putting his weight first on his arms but his right shook and his legs were too weak to pull him up.

"Neil," Tieria stepped forward.

"I'm fine," He lied as the Miester took his arm and unasked, pulled Neil to his feet. It was good that Tieria didn't immediately let go because Neil's leg gave out and he had to lean into the support to keep from falling over. He cursed under his breath and clenched his fist, fighting back anger and humiliation.

"Here," the older man, Stadler, said and held out a collapsible cane. Neil glared at it. "My daughter, Dr. Stadler gave it to me, said you'd need it even if you didn't want it. Not her exact words but they don't need repeating."

"Proud and stubborn were probably the words she used."

"Don't be fooled, she likes you. Just take it so I can tell her I gave it to you, she feels bad enough she couldn't do more after everything you've done for us."

"What have I done for you?"

"You are our voice. We all stand behind the Meisters but you're on the front lines. That's enough." Stadler was purposefully looking away, still holding out the cane. Neil sighed and smiled despite himself. With a lighter heart than he would have thought possible he took the offensive object.

"Quite a daughter you've got, old man." He said.

"Marry her if you like. It's about time she settled down with a good man."

"Oi, oi, I'm not that old yet. Don't count me out just because of this."

"Like I said, a good man." Stadler said and walked away.

Neil leaned on the cane and Tieria let him go, watching his friend warily.

"I'm fine Tieria."

"Forgive me for not believing you." The Meister said sourly and walked away. Neil limped after him, moving slowly as he got accustomed to the new pattern and the jolts of pain that traveled up his leg with each step. This is not the end. I'm alive so I fight on. I'm alive, Neil told himself as he caught up to Tieria and Tieria slowed down to match his pace. I won't be left behind, Neil assured himself and gripped the cane tighter.

.o0o.

That night he lay asleep in the gravity, lulled by the painkillers he picked up at the drug store and exhausted. The first days back in gravity were always draining but these were particularly so. Despite the drugs his left leg and arm were sore and heavy. He lay on his back on top of the covers and waited for sleep, letting his thoughts wander.

These people, this place, it goes on like nothing has changed. People still live their lives, go to work, sleep, eat, dream, while the world is changing around them, while they change. Celestial Being is destroyed but their lives go on, my life goes on. How strange. How wrong. Or how right. Perhaps the world no longer needs us… perhaps it was enough… what we did… He drifted into unconsciousness and his dreams.

At first they were dark, just sounds out of his memory, the voices of his comrads and his friends. Slowly the dream took shape and became ugly. He was lying in the Med Bay in the pod and watched the glass open above him. He turned to his left and met Dr. Stadler's eyes.

"I'm so sorry, Lockon. I'm sorry there's nothing I can do." He turned to his right and looked down at his arm and his leg, sealed by metal bands to the bed.

"Let me go, please let me go."

"I'm sorry."

A terrible laugh filled the room, a familiar, sickening sound that made Neil's every heartbeat slow and heavy with dread.

"No, no, no…" He pulled at the straps, he tried in vain to sit up, to pry them off, to move but every time he did they hurt more, and he was too slow.

"Where do you think you're going?" the terrible voice asked.

"No."

"You're going to die here."

"No."

"Why fight it, you're all that's left?" A leering face bent over him and grinned, with maniac eyes, letting out that sickening laugh.

"No, Lyle—"

"You think he'll fight, for you? for them? He never loved them like you. He couldn't wait to get away from you, why would he fight for you? Why fight for you now when you've already failed them?"

"No." Neil breathed and fought the restraints, fought to sit, to stand, to move.

Neil gasped into wakefulness, jolting out of the dream as if hit by something. He listened to the silence for a long moment then reached over to feel his left arm and the thin muscles there. He sat up and lifted the arm, turning it and feeling the soreness and stiffness of its movement. He made a fist but it was weak and painful.

I need a drink, he decided and got up. He nearly fell over when he stood and reached for the wall, pushing off from it he limped out into the hallway, feeling his leg weaken with each step, still wiping the sleep from his eyes and pushing the terrible dream to the back of his mind. Then his leg spasmed mid step and gave out, gravity caught him and pulled him down. Instinctively he put out his right arm which crumpled under him and he felt flat on the hallway floor.

The loud thump of his fall was followed by a few seconds of silence then hurried footsteps.

"Neil," Tieria called. Neil groaned, exactly who he didn't want to see. Strong hands were helping him up moments later.

"Leave me alone," Neil snapped and smacked Tieria away, sitting up on his own and rubbing his aching wrist.

"Where's your cane?" Tieria asked and Neil tried not to groan again. "Are you in pain? Let me—"

"Stop." Neil said and held up his hand. "Just stop." He pulled himself to his feet slowly, using the wall as support. Tieria reached out to help and he smacked the helping hands away again. Using the wall he made it to the living area of the suits provided for the earth rotation personnel. He was just glad no one else had woken up or that they had the decency to leave him alone. Tieria apparently didn't. Neil sank gratefully into the armchair in the living room and rubbed his sore knee.

"You shouldn't be pushing yourself—"

"Give me a break, Tieria."

"But your condition prevents your muscles from healing, stringing them will not—"

"How do you know?" Neil demanded. "You hacked into my file."

"I was concerned that—"

Neil cut him off with a Tsk sound and stood. He made his way to the mini bar in the room and rummaged through the bottles. With a bottle of Scotch and a glass in his good hand Neil limped back to his room, never sparing even a glace at Tieria.

"Neil," Tieria called after him Just as the door shut between them. Tieria stood for a long moment in the hallway entrance then went back to the sitting area where he collapsed on the couch, head in his hands and glasses lying abandoned on the table.

"Give him some time." Tieria jumped at Stadler's voice.

"Time?"

"He's coming to terms with these changes. My daughter calls it the five stages of grief and she's got all kinds of words for it. I call it life."

"You have experience with it?"

"Grief? Yeah. You could say that. Don't we all, that's why we joined up." Stadler shook his head and walked away, back toward his room.

"No," Tieria whispered to the empty room, "not me." He pulled up his knees and thought about the reason he was awake. It had seemed so real at the time, real enough that he'd sat in his bed staring at nothing and thinking, that can't be. There's no way they're dead. I can't be the only one left. But he couldn't have dreamt up that incident. No, it was real. He hugged his knees closer.

I miss space, the thought crossed his mind so naturally that the realization that followed felt like a sledge hammer to his chest. He didn't mean space because it was right outside the walls of the Orbital Block; he missed Ptolomy and the way things were, he missed Lockon. Tieria pressed his eyes against his knees as if it would stop the tears. Still he had to admit, it was better to cry in gravity.

.o0o.

The next day they took the train down to earth then a car picked them up and delivered them to an airport where they boarded a flight to Italy. Most of them slept on the flight and then awoke for the car ride through the countryside to the Villa Minerva. The large complex of building and gardens was a long held haven of the Minerva Company, one of Celestial Being's many fronts. Among the amenities at the Villa were a small fully equipped and staffed hospital, facilities for the aging members of Celestial Being who had survived to retirement and suites for the transient members on earth rotation or visits to Italy. It was a beautiful place on a rare secluded piece of coastline, too rocky for commercial use and nearly inaccessible accept through the tunnel system that had been dug and outfitted years ago for the residents of Villa Minerva.

Neil went to his room quickly once they arrived. The others didn't linger long, all of them exhausted by travel. Tieria dreaded sleep and had rested fitfully on the plane. He occupied himself with the news and the intelligence reports of the past month, digesting the information slowly, wishing more than ever he had Veda to help him make sense of the sheer mass of raw data. It kept him occupied for most of the night.

Neil found him the next morning sitting on the couch before the large screen in the open air living space overlooking the pool. The morning news was on and Tieria was flipping through reports on the smaller hand held device.

"What are you doing?" Neil asked. "Why are you watching this?"

"I always do this," Tieria replied.

"What's the point?" Neil's anger shocked Tieria and he spun around. "What's the point of watching all this if we can't do a damned thing about it? There's no point anymore Tieria. Stop kidding yourself." Neil made a disgusted noise and turned away, limping toward the dinning room where breakfast would be brought to them.

Tieria just sat on the sofa and stared after him. He was just doing what he always did: he was assessing the state of the world. That was his job. That was why he was there… but without Veda. What was it worth? He put aside the display and muted the television. Leaning his head back he let those thoughts go. It was easier just to float in the darkness. _All I can see is darkness. Have I ever known a darkness like this before, so complete. There were no lights in the cockpit. Everything had died after the reactor was jetisoned. It was like ink, like nothing, just cold. He couldn't feel his fingers, his hands, his feet or his legs. He was numb and utterly alone. The last one… somehow he just knew… there was no one coming… no one to pick up the reactor, it would just drift forever in space like so much junk because there was no one coming for it, no humanity to save, it had no purpose. There was no one to return to yet he could not go with them, he'd been left behind like the reactor, a remnant, an echo, obsolete. _

"Tieria," a hand fell on his shoulder and he jerked out of sleep. "Did you go to your room at all last night?" The kind middle aged woman asked him. Eliza Tieria remembered her name being.

"I—no."

"Go get some proper rest, it's not good to sleep sitting up. I'll save you some breakfast if you'd like."

"No, thank you. I'll be fine." Tieria got up and ambled to his room. He closed the shutters and sank into a mercifully dreamless sleep. He woke up a few hours later and still felt tired.

.o0o.

The storm approached slowly across the Adriadic Sea. Tieria stood watching it and Neil, further down the beach, staring right into the wind at the approaching darkness.

"You'll get caught in the rain if you stay out here," Stadler said as he passed behind Tieria with the picnic blanket in his arms.

"I'll stay a while longer."

"Do as you like." His footsteps on the rocks receded toward the others and soon Tieria couldn't hear them at all. He was watching Neil as the Irishman started to walk down the beach away from Villa Minerva. Careful to stay far enough behind, Tieria followed. So they walked slowly, Neil making his way carefully and Tieria watching Neil with apprehension like a ghost.

The storm crackled in the distance, a dark line between the sky and the water, bleeding into both as it approached and grew in size.

Finally Neil stopped when they had completely lost view of Villa Minerva up on the hills over the beach. He spun around and glared at Tieria.

"Why are you following me?" He demanded.

"There's a storm coming."

"I can see that, I'm not blind."

"I know."

"What's your problem?"

"I don't have one."

"Maybe you don't get it, sometimes humans just need to be left alone."

"It's not safe for you out here."

"You think I give a damn about what's safe for me?" Neil growled. "Why can't you take a hint?"

"I know you've been avoiding me."

"Yeah, well then piss off."

"No."

"No? You self absorbed bastard." Neil limped closer, leaning heavily on his cane. Words flowing out like a damn had broken. "You—You are the whole reason for this mess! Did you ever think about that? You always questioned Sumeragi and praised that super computer but what good is it to you now? You criticized Alelujah and Setsuna at every turn, questioning their worth when in the end, when it really mattered you were the one who let us down! All your numbers and figures meant nothing in the end because the world didn't change. Setsuna and Alelujah and everyone believed in those lies. We gave everything but this new world is just as twisted and warmongering as before." Neil's good arm shot out and grabbed the collar of Tieria's shirt, dragging him closer to Neil. "Explain that with your twisted logic. Explain how this could be right. Find some kind of apology that could justify all this death and pain for me, because I can't think of a thing you could say that would make it better."

Tieria remained silent.

"Say something!" Neil yelled at him and pushed Tieria down onto the rocky beach. His glasses fell off and landed hard, one of the lenses cracking down the middle.

"Why won't you answer me?"

Still Tieria remained silent, unmoving on the rocky ground while Neil shook with anger.

"Just give me some kind of answer—" Neil's anger dissipated and his words came out as a plea. "Look at me."

Tieria didn't move, just looked down at the rocks and sand. Above them thunder rumbled, echoing off the cliffs above them.

"You can't even do that," Neil said bitterly, trying to mask hurt with anger. "And the worst part is that I trusted you." Tieria listened to Neil's footsteps and the tap of the cane on the rocks as Neil left him there on the beach. Tieria reached for his glasses with a shaking hand and slipped them on. He held his breath against the tears and the weight that seemed to press on his chest. Still shaking he got up and followed Neil back just as he had followed the other man there. When he reached the Villa the first drops of rain were starting to fall. The Eliza saw Tieria come in with wet cheeks just after Neil. She put down her crossword puzzle and come over to him.

"Tieria, are you alright?" She asked him kindly. Tieria didn't look at her just turned toward his room.

"It started to rain," he said softly before closing his door. The storm opened up above them and poured on the Italian coast. Tieria watched it from his bed, gripping his pillow and rationalizing. _He's just hurt, he's just in pain, he didn't mean it…_ but Neils words still tore him apart.

.o0o.

_Rain beat against the roof and ran down the noisy gutter as it always had. It was a sound that used to bother Neil when he was little because it was right on the other side of the wall beside the head of his bed. He would sneak out and slip into Lyle's on the other side of the room, crowding his brother into the corner. Sometimes Lyle would wake up later, pressed against the wall and move to his brother's empty bed. In the morning they would pretend to be each other when their mother came in and silently switch back when she was gone. Those days were long past. _

_Neil put clothes and pictures and toys into the small bag that would be all he carried away from the house and tried not to cry again. Crying didn't do any good and didn't make him feel any better. He put Amy's stuffed bear in the suitcase and took out a picture of his and Lyle's eighth birthday in which they smiled over their shared cake and the 8 candles for each of them still smoking. He put a sweater into the suitcase and a book his father had given him, then took the sweater out. _

"_It'll be ok," Lyle came up beside him. "You'll like Harding's. It's different from home but my friends are nice. They're excited to meet you." There was something hesitant in his voice._

"_You don't want me there."_

"_That's not—not true."_

"_You never have. You asked Mum and Dad to send you there to get away from me."_

"_Neil—things are different now. I—I don't want—I don't want to lose you too."_

"_Why us?"_

"_It wasn't—"_

"_It's not fair. Why did it have to be us? We didn't do anything!"_

"_I know Neil. I feel that way too but—"_

"_No, no you don't know! You weren't there. You didn't see it. You didn't see those people… and the smell… and… and… you can't know. You can never know what it was like." Neil pushed his brother away and slammed the suitcase shut. He dragged it forcefully off the cluttered bed and the birthday picture came with it, falling to the wooden floor and shattering the glass cover with a crash. A pair of glasses dropped and one lens cracked down the middle as it hit the rocky ground._

Neil's eyes flew open and he was suddenly wide awake. He lay for a few long minutes staring up at the cracked plaster ceiling and trying to remember why the dream had been so important. He'd realized something that pulled him into wakefulness but now there he couldn't recall what it was only its importance. He lay still, reliving the memory of that day, packing his bag before he was sent to Harding's School for Boys. It was a terrible day. When he returned from school most of the furniture and possessions in the house had been auctioned away. The few things he and Lyle could keep had to be left with relatives, who lost them or gave them away, or lugged from place to place and one by one they too were sold or lost or left behind. Even the house was sold and renovated beyond recognition. In the end all that was left of his and Lyle's childhood was gone. That day was the start of the destruction.

It was also the second to last time he and Lyle spoke of their parent's death. Afterward there were many silences where they should have said something but Neil held onto his anger and Lyle held onto his hurt, until they had grown so far apart they were strangers to each other. Lyle brought up their parents the last time they had talked and the conversation had been tense, it ended badly with Lyle hanging up abruptly. Neil left for Krung Threp soon after that. He'd tried to call Lyle back, to apologize, to make things right between them because he didn't know when or if he would ever come back. But Lyle's phone was disconnected and Neil didn't know any other number to call. That day, packing his things, was the beginning of the end of their friendship and their brotherhood. He drove Lyle away with his anger and he was too stubborn to change for too long.

He could still remember the look of hurt on Lyle's face as he yelled and accused—the same face Tieria had made—Tieria! He realized suddenly what it was that was so important, why he'd woken up, and it made him feel sick. He stood quickly, winching as his bad leg hit the floor hard and scrambled for the cane. He limped quickly to the hall and stopped before Tieria's door, hand raised to knock, and only then did he pause.

Suck it up, you pathetic bastard, he told himself. Gritting his teeth he knocked solidly and waited. He listened to his heart beat drumming in his ears but there was no answer. Neil looked up and down the hall and caught sight of Eliza Hale.

"Eliza, have you seen Tieria?"

"I think he went to the library."

"Ah," Neil frowned. The Library was at the top of the hill, a hard climb for Neil after his walk on the beach. He contemplated it seriously.

"Don't upset him again," Eliza cut off his thoughts. "He's gone through enough." She was glaring at him when he met her eyes. _How dare she? _He gripped his cane tightly. _He's gone through enough? I'm the one…_ He saw again Tieria's face on the beach and his brother's silent stoic face. His anger faded as quickly as it had risen and he sighed, dropping his head. Eliza was walking away with tense shoulders and Neil cursed under his breath.

"Why do you always fuck these things up," he said to himself and limped back to his room to take a double dose of painkillers and stare at the cracked ceiling again. His conversation on the beach echoed in his head. _Self absorbed bastard… You are the whole reason for this mess!... you were the one who let us down!... All your numbers and figures meant nothing… Explain that with your twisted logic… And the worst part is that I trusted you._ Neil flinched and squeezed his eye shut. He knew Tieria, he knew everything that would tear him down and he hadn't held any of it back.

Neil turned into his pillow and tried to sleep. It didn't come. He heard Tieria return and nearly got up. He stayed in bed contemplating, dreading the conversation, wanting it, hating Tieria and hating himself. He decided in the end Tieria had probably gone to bed and stayed where he was.

.o0o.

Tieria watched the news in the living room, more concentrated on the hand held screen where he flicked through reports. In the back of his mind he was listening for Neil. Listening with fear of another conversation or anticipation, he didn't know. It had been three days since their talk on the beach and Neil hadn't said a word to him. Most of the time no one knew where Neil was and it often turned out he hadn't left his room. Tieria listened for Neil now because he hadn't emerged for breakfast or lunch. He'd asked the maid to leave a plate on the table again, promising to see it returned to the kitchen himself so she didn't have to make any extra treks up the hill.

A new message pinged into his inbox and Tieria opened it quickly when he saw the sender. Reading it he smiled and pulled a small envelope from his pocket. He hurried into the dinning room to leave it with the plate. He was on his way out when he saw Neil, making his way slowly down he hall. Both men stopped as they caught sight of each other. Neil opened his mouth to speak but Tieria had turned away and left through the outside door toward the patio.

Neil sighed. No mater his resolve he'd never gotten the words passed his lips. He tried not to number his failures but in the end he would hobble back to his room, pass the day in bleary unconsciousness and drink through the night to keep away his nightmares. He limped through to the dinning room where someone was saving out meals for him. He wanted to hope it was Tieria but if it was, he couldn't understand why. He sat down slowly, happy at least that his leg was improving. Some days he could go without serious pain. Others, overcast, rainy days particularly, were not as good. He uncovered the plate, looking uninterestedly at the meal of homemade bread, French cheese and ham, spinach salad with toasted almonds and fresh slices of blood red orange.

Almost ready to go back to his room in despondent frustration he caught sight of a small envelope beside the plate and his name written in impeccable handwriting. He grabbed it and opened it curiously. Inside was a piece of white cardstock with an address and behind it was an ID with his picture beside the name Neil Devin. He narrowed his eye and frowned a little. He looked around and made a dismissive noise. He almost left it there on the table but his curiosity got the better of him. He stood and hobbled out to the patio and looked around for Tieria. The purple haired Meister was no where to be seen. Neil shook his head and made for the garage where a chofer was on staff from 10am to 4pm for the residents. He passed over the address and sat back to watch the country side, turning the ID over between his fingers.

"We're here, signor," the driver said as he pulled up to a small building with a gravel parking lot seemingly in the middle of nowhere. Behind it a large scraggly hill rose dominated the view. Neil got out and jumped at the sound of gunfire. He realized suddenly where he was.

"Tieria," He said under his breath. Thanking the driver he went inside.

"How can I help you today?" The man behind the counter inside was tanned and spoke with a strong American accent.

"I don't know. I was told to come here. I'm Neil Devin." Neil decided on a whim to let his irish accent come out in his voice. It sounded strange to his ears.

"Devin, oh yes. Just got this in this morning. She's a beauty." The man disappeared into the back room. "I'd love to know who did the custom work. Mind if I asked what you paid for it?"

"I didn't. I guess it's kind of a gift."

"That's a hell of a good friend." The man came back and Neil just stared at what was placed on the counter before him. "Can I help you take it out to the range? Not cause I don't think you can," the man added quickly, eyes darting to the cane, but Neil wasn't even really listening. "I just want to see it in action."

Neil just smiled.

"Yeah, he's a good friend." He agreed with the American.

.o0o.

Tieria opened his door later that night to see a piece of paper tapped to the wall just outside. In the center were a cluster of holes. He smiled and took it down, walking into the living room where Neil was leaning back against the couch with a beer. The sniper looked up when Tieria entered.

"I'm glad you went," Tieria said, holding up the punctured target.

"I knew it had to be you. No one else read my file, they wouldn't have known what amo I use. You don't forget anything do you?"

"I try not to. I'm sorry for intruding like that. It was rude of me. Your file is private and—"

"It's alright."

"Neil I—"

"Sit down," Neil said it kindly with a small smile. Tieria hesitated then took a seat in one of the nearby chairs. Neil reached forward and set down his beer on the coffee table. He picked up a holographic screen sitting there and handed it over to Tieria.

"You've read my file so you know who that is," Neil watched Tieria's reaction to seeing a pictures of the two Dylandy twins side by side in their rugby team picture. Those delicate purple eyebrows pulled together and he frowned slightly. "Don't feel bad if you can't tell us apart. Even my mother couldn't unless we spoke. We got used to being mistaken for each other."

"Why are you telling me this?"

"I showed you a picture of my brother from the online records of our boarding school because I don't have any photos of him. He's my only living relative and I don't even have a phone number to contact him."

Tieria's confusion increased and it showed on his face.

"You know what happened to my parents," Neil went on.

"Of course."

"That day my brother was a hundred miles away at boarding school. He came back but…I was angry with him, angry for no reason." Neil looked away. "I threw all my grief into my anger and he just pulled away from me. I was too stubborn to apologize and he was too stubborn to forgive. Not that I can blame him. It's clearer now, looking back." He laughed humorlessly. "I said some stupid, hurtful things to him… and to you. I'm sorry."

"There was truth in your words."

"Tieria," Neil gasped and turned back. "Nothing that happened in that battle was your fault. We picked a fight with the world, there were bound to be consequences. Everyone on Ptolomy knew that." Tieria wouldn't meet his eye, just looked down at the ground.

"The world hasn't changed," he explained. "We fought and lost but the world has not changed, not yet."

"All we can do right now is watch it." Neil replied.

"It's…"

"Frustrating?"

"Ah."

"I know what you mean. The incident in Georgia, we should have been there instead of the Union forces. They made a royal mess of things."

"Neil, you've been reading the reports."

"Yeah, yeah. I couldn't break the habit. It mostly just depresses me now though."

Silence fell between them and Neil picked up his beer again.

"Do you regret it?" Tieria asked softly.

"What?"

"Joining Celestial Being?"

"No. No mater how injured I get or how much pain I'm in I can't regret it. I couldn't have done anything else. I guess it's just who I am, try as I might to change, change is hard."

"And painful."

They were silent again. Tieria stood to leave suddenly.

"Wait, Tieria." Neil jumped up and took Tieria's hand. "Thank you. You had no reason to help me but you did anyway."

"You saved me before."

"Hey, we don't keep score out there. You've repaid me anyway when you reprogramed Horo."

"That's not what I meant."

"What did you mean?"

"You showed me what it was to be human. Life meant so little before. You saved me from that existence." Tieria smiled, a small smile, but an honest one and the other man let him go. "Good night, Neil."

"Good night."

Tieria left and Neil sunk back onto the couch. He turned the bottle in his hand then put it down without taking a drink. He gave a sigh of relief and picked up the holoscreen and looked at his brother's face, so subtly different from his own. If they met now of course time would differentiate them. He wondered if it would be strange to see his brother, the image of himself, whole and healthy. Neil opened a browser and searched "Lyle Christopher Dylandy." He glanced at the results but there was no information on his brother's current situation. Neil sighed and turned off the screen. He finished his beer and limped to his room to collapse on the bed, seeking sleep for recuperation instead of escape for the first time in weeks.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4: Home

.o0o.

"You're packing," Tieria said from the doorway. Neil jumped and turned, a shirt in his hand. It was early morning and his train was scheduled for mid afternoon. The Irishman was equally anxious and apprehensive about his trip, a familiar feeling he had every time he made the journey.

"Yeah," He said and looked down at the bag on his bed. "There's…somewhere I have to go…" Neil contemplated the long and lonely journey.

"I see." Tieria replied and turned to leave. Usually it was a relief not to be questioned when he left for those trips but this time his heart sunk.

"Tieria." Neil stopped him. "Would you like to come with me?"

"Where?"

"Ireland."

"Your home?"

"Used to be, yeah."

"When do we leave?"

"Soon as you're ready," Neil's sprits lifted a little. He was still anxious and still apprehensive. He'd never taken anyone with him but Tieria wasn't just anyone.

They waved a quick goodbye to Stadler and Neil ducked into the waiting car to avoid Eliza's dark look. Tieria brushed her off by saying they were on a schedule but bid her goodbye kindly. The car ride was quiet. Tieria read through reports and Neil was lost in his thoughts.

They caught a train across Italy to Rome, riding most of the way in their own private compartment. A few minutes after the train pulled away from the station both his and Tieria's phone's buzzed as they received new designs from Ian. They discussed them for the next few hours, thankful for the neutral topic. Finally they arrived in Rome. The airport was noisy and crowded, thanks to traffic they were late and hurried to make their flight.

"Makes me miss the convenience of personal air travel." Neil said with a laugh.

"That is a reckless use for such a machine," Tieria admonished as they boarded. Once settled Neil told him to get some rest. Tieria nodded but he could only doze and he was the one who woke his companion as they made their decent into Paris.

"Well we've got a few hours of layover, coffee?" Neil offered his travel companion.

"It's nearly 10:30 at night."

"Good a time as any."

They found a small café that was open for another hour and Tieria sat down while Neil got coffee.

"Here you go." Neil set down a cardboard tray with two coffee cups in it.

"Thank you."

"You'll just have to take me at my word, but this isn't how I usually handle first dates."

"What?" Tieria's eyes widened and Neil chuckled.

"It was a joke, Tieria, though there is truth in it." They both looked down at their coffee. Tieria spoke first.

"I'm sorry. I overstepped a boundary that night."

"Don't be." For a moment Tieria's gaze flickered up to Neils then he looked away again. "I'm not."

"Even after…" the Meister trailed off.

"Tieria, do you still believe what I said on the beach?"

"I—I don't know what to believe. I'm alive."

"That doesn't make you responsible."

Tieria gripped his cup.

"I know. Yeah, I know." He slumped his shoulders. _So why do I still feel that way?_ He wanted to ask. His phone beeped and they both jumped a little. Tieria pulled it out hastily and opened the new message. A video of Milean's smiling face, too close to the camera opened.

"Hi Erde-san! I hope you're having lots of fun on earth. Papa wanted to call you about the explosion in the hanger today. It was huge and there was all this smoke because he forgot—"

"Mileana!" Ian pushed his daughter out of the frame. "It's really not that big of a deal. We've fixed most of it and there wasn't any damage to the reactor. I'll send you the report. The 007 thrusters will need some reworking though."

"When are you coming back Erde-san?" Mileana poked her head back into the screen.

"I told you, when they're rotation is up," Ian chastised his daughter and the video recording cut off. Tieria shook his head, he'd warned them about increasing the thrusters without properly aligning the conductors. Neil laughed at what he'd heard, not needing to see the father and daughter. Tieria closed his phone and put it away.

"Ian survived to go back to his family. You should be proud, even just a little every time you see her smile," Neil encouraged Tieria. "She can smile because of you. Feldt and Lasse—"

"Lasse's injuries were worse than yours."

"Don't count him out either. I'm still going to fight… even Sumeragi."

"Sumeragi has been missing for two months."

"She'll come back. When the world starts to change again she'll come back. That's just who she is."

"You believe that?"

"Of course. We're not finished, Tieria."

"I want to believe that." The purple haired Meister whispered. Neil quickly changed the topic before his companion could get morbid.

"It's been a while since we were last in Paris."

"Yes."

"Did you ever see the city?"

"I've flown over it."

"That's not what I meant. Did you ever go to the Meuseums, the Effel Tower, see the sights?"

"No. I—never did. There were more important things to do."

"We should go sometime. You've spent too much time fighting, you don't even know what you're fighting for."

"I would like that."

"Really?"

Tieria nodded.

"Let's see where we get shunted off on our next rotation."

They talked about places they wanted to go, places Neil had been or never got to go. Tieria knew them all, empirically at least. Neil told him what it was like to stand in St. Peter's Bacilica and feel small, the small places he'd found himself on road trips across Europe, the smells and life of the markets in india and the natural beauty of South America. Both men were yawning when their flight boarded and they slept on the hop to Dublin airport. The hotel shuttle took them into the city where they found their beds and collapsed.

Tieria woke the next morning and had to take a moment to remember where he was. He stood and walked to the window that dominated one wall, pulling back the curtains to reveal the city street outside. His view showed the city center in front of him rising up in the distance, with glass towers and modern construction while in front of him were much older buildings between newer ones. Tieria watched the people go by in and out of the shops. So many people packed so close. On Krung Threp it was the same, every inch of space was used and needed. But here the people had all the room to expand in all directions but they huddled together and squeezed into the small space, wanting to be nearer to each other.

Tieria's phone beeped. He looked at the message from Neil quickly then went about getting ready for the day, glancing warily at the overhanging clouds.

"It always seems to rain when I come here," Neil noted when they stepped onto the street, a light misting of rain had begun to fall on them. "Perhaps it's fitting."

"Where are we going?" Tieria asked and Neil just shook his head. A car pulled up to the curb.

"Neil Devin?" The man driving it asked as he got out. He checked Neil's fake ID then handed over the keys. Neil tipped the man then passed the keys to Tieria.

"I'll give you directions."

Neil drove them through the city, past the center, to the south side of the Liffey. The buildings on either side of the road became older and older as they drove. Neil stopped them on a street of shops then led Tieria on foot to the next corner where a city block was fenced off as a park. The two men approached it slowly, Neil seeming to limp more as he approached. In the center of the part rose a tall dark iron cross on a pedestal. It was sparsely ornamented, somber, but resolute, standing out in stark contrast to the gray sky. Tieria walked right up to it, leaning over to read the plaque.

"In remembrance of the innocents who died on December 15th 2297. It is not on the fields of war by the blood of our soldiers that this battle shall be won but on the soil of our homeland by the hearts and minds of all our people." Tieria read aloud. He straightened up and turned to see Neil, staring up at the cross with a carefully neutral expression. At that moment, the Meister wanted to be human so he might know what to do or what to say to his grieving friend. Throwing away indecision he moved close to Neil and put a hand on the taller man's shoulder.

"I thought—" Neil whispered, "I thought it would feel different to see this place again. The man responsible is dead but—it feels the same; sad." The Irishman lifted his hand to put it over Tieria's and bent his head. "I know—you keep asking why you survived, 'what makes me different from them?' and 'What could make me more worthy of life?'"

Tieria felt a weight in his stomach as Neil voiced the questions he asked himself in the dark when his nightmares tormented him.

"I was just outside, on a whim. They didn't even know. I should have been with them, with Amy…" Neil trailed off. "But I wasn't and I survived. The truth is that there's no logic to it. All those questions mean nothing because there are no answers. Feeling that guilt is just part of being human." Neil squeezed Tieria's hand and looked up at the monument again. They stood there together as the light mist lifted and clouds became lighter. Tieria lost himself in thought, all the death and it meant nothing that he survived. Neil had survived the bombing by chance, because he was in the right place at the right time and he became a Gundam Meister and helped to change the world. He didn't live because he would change the world, he changed the world because he lived. His survival was only important because he gave it meaning. There was no logic to it. Tieria realized suddenly his own arguments were being turned against him. He gripped Neil's shoulder and found comfort in the physical contact, knowing Neil was truly there because if he had Neil, he could fight on and make his survival meaningful.

"Come on," Neil dropped his hand from Tieria's and pulled the other man out of his thoughts. "There's one more place I need to go."

Tieria should have predicted the next destination. A knot of apprehension formed in Tieria's stomach when the cemetery pulled into view and he didn't need Neil to tell him they had arrived.

"Would you like me to stay here?" Tieria asked. Neil looked down at the white lilies in his arms. Just when Tieria was about to ask the question again Neil shook his head. They made their way carefully over the damp grass to a far row where the Dylandy grave was. Neil approached it, sinking to his good knee and using the cane to keep himself upright and depositing the flowers at the base. He didn't stand though, just sat kneeling in the muddy grass.

"Just give me a minute," Neil said softly.

"Of course." So Tieria walked away between the rows and read the names disinterestedly. There were so many, and so varied. It was one grave yard in one small corner of the world. Each stone was a place of mourning for a group of people, each person had a list of people to mourn and places where they went for that purpose. That list grew with age. His own was getting longer. But unlike these people, Celestial Being members rarely had graves or bodies to bury. Tieria made a full circuit of the cemetery and returned to Neil. The other man didn't appear to have moved but there were streaks of moisture on his cheeks.

"Are you alright?" Tieria asked.

"Ah, I'll be alright after a hot shower and a good drink." Neil sighed heavily. Tieria offered his hand and held back surprise when Neil took it and accepted help getting to his feet. They walked away from the grave without a backward glance.

Tieria watched the street and the few people who came and went through the lit circles around the streetlamps. Neil came up behind him, the sound of ice clinking against glass accompanying his footsteps. Leaning against the back of the couch behind him he watched the twinkling lights of the modern city center north of them.

"Is it familiar, this place?" Tieria asked.

"Dublin, yes, in a way. It's changed a lot since I lived here. I see it differently now. At one time I used to think coming back would feel like going home, I even went back to my old house. It didn't though. It felt just as empty as the rest of the world. Now I come back so I don't forget that this is no longer my home."

"Home…" Tieria repeated the word.

"Where is home for you, Tieria."

"I—I never thought of myself as having one but now—I think it would be the best way to describe Ptolomy." A moment of silence passed between them.

"I never asked, where were you… born?"

"Krung Threp, it's the first place I remember."

"Was that ever home?"

"No, I never felt attached to that place. I was different back then. How long have you known that I'm not… completely human?"

"I found out just about a week after I arrived."

"All that time? But you never said anything."

"There didn't seem to be a reason to."

"How? Only the medical staff and the old director of Krung Threp knew."

"Ah well. I picked the right computer. I was in for my physical checkup and the doctor left on an emergency. I borrowed his computer."

"You didn't trust me?"

"I was curious. To be honest I didn't trust Allelujah. One of the pilots who was giving me pointers mentioned him. He was part of the team that found the colony shuttle drifting."

"So you know about him too."

"Funny though. The only person who's past had any relevance to me wasn't in the system yet. Setsuna didn't show up for another few months."

"Setsuna…"

"Do you think he survived?"

"I don't know."

"I would like to hope." Neil looked out past Tieria to the city lights and sipped his drink.

"Why did you ask me to come?"

"I don't know. It was rather impulsive. I didn't feel like being alone. Honestly I'm surprised you came." Neil emptied his glass.

"Why would that surprise you?"

"We haven't been on the best of terms lately," he looked down at the floor. "I don't know what you think of me anymore."

"Neil." The taller man looked up just as Tieria stepped in between his legs and putting his hand on Neil's cheek brought their lips together. At first Neil was too shocked to respond then Tieria was pulling away. Neil dropped the glass on the couch behind him and leaned forward, catching Tieria in his arms and bringing him back into the kiss. Like some kind of barrier had disappeared between them the clung to each other, lips and tongues and hands expressing passion in the simplest forms. They stumbled backward and Tieria found himself suddenly pressed against the cold glass of the window, Neil's warm breath on his neck and breathing hard. He trembled as his mind taunted him with memories of that one night on Ptolomy before their world came crashing down. Tieria groaned and ran his fingers through Neils hair and felt the other man against his leg. Neil's lips pressed softly under his jaw and a warm hand caressed his side where his shirt had come up to reveal bare skin.

Suddenly Neil was pulling away. Tieria's mind found rationality again and he spoke softly.

"I should go." His eyes met Neil's one, shimmering blue and beautiful. The other man opened his mouth to say something then closed it in silence and just nodded but Tieria remained cornered between the glass and Neil's arms. Neil bent down and captured Tieria's lips again for a kiss that was tender, lingering and slow. Tieria didn't know how to best describe it. Then it was over and Neil truly backed away.

Tieria was halfway to his door when Neil's voice stopped him.

"Thank you."

"For?"

"Answering my question."

"You should have known the answer all along." Tieria slipped into his own room with regret. He buried his head in his pillow and tried not to think about the man in the next room and warm feeling of being surrounded by him. Loving, Tieria realized, that was what the last kiss was. It was what he imagined a loving kiss would be. He curled around his pillow and tried to find sleep.

In the other room Neil poured himself another drink and sighed. All his worries were unnecessary. Tieria never ceased to surprise him with his strange way of looking at the world, his capacity for understanding. He wondered though how far even Tieria's understanding could go and what line he would eventually cross that Tieria could not abide. Neil cringed to think what he would face that day. He downed his drink all at once. He cared for Tieria, he'd decided that before their relationship became whatever it was but he had no definition for it. He didn't know where he stood with Tieria or where their feelings might take them. He shook his head and limped to his own room for the night. He would have liked to sit and drink away thoughts of the beautiful purple haired Meister but he didn't like to travel with a hangover and Tieria would make a terrible face the next morning.

.o0o.

"Dylandy, you bastard!"

Neil turned in time to take a slap to the face and stumbled, his cane slipping out from under him and he fell against the café counter.

"Freeze!" Tieria reacted with lighting speed, drawing his concealed weapon and leveling it at the woman's head who let out a startle cry of surprise that became fear.

"Lyle," She breathed and the blood drained from her face as she stared at Neil's eye patch.

Conversations in the small café all stopped and the patrons stared.

"T-Tieria, don't be so drastic. There's no need for that." Neil quickly regained his footing and put his hand over the gun, pushing it down. To the woman he said, "Sorry to distress you, Miss. I'm Neil. I think you mistook me for my brother."

"Brother?" She asked in a wavering shocked voice.

"How about I buy you a coffee, a latte perhaps." She just nodded and Neil gave the order to the startled cashier. Tieria put away his weapon but continued to eye the woman suspiciously. She was slightly taller than average, wide faced but delicately featured with blond hair and a pronounced American accent. Neil kindly settled her at a small table outside and Tieria passed her the latte. She sipped it and sat in silence for a long moment. She looked up and her gaze shifted between the two of them, Tieria's suspicious gaze and Neil's kind patience. Her eyes lingered on the eye patch.

"I—I'm so sorry. I—I really thought you were—He never said you were—"

"It's quite alright," Neil replied with a smile and waved it off. "I've been mistaken for him enough to be used to it. He's taken more than a few punches that were meant for me. Though I tried not to pick fights with beautiful women, that was always his job."

"Then he's always been that way?" She asked with a small laugh, loosening up.

"He's too stubborn to change."

"So you're his brother?"

"Neil," Neil introduced himself, "and this is Tieria."

"My apologies for frightening you." Tieria replied without sounding the least bit apologetic.

"Um—it's ok. It's only the second time someone's pointed a gun at me. I'm Lorrie Benton, it's nice to meet you."

"You must lead a dangerous life, Miss Benton."

"Lorrie, please. Not really. Up until recently I worked for Holden and Waltz, investigating trading opportunities."

"An unforgiving job. Is that where you met my brother?"

"Yes. He was in the American Branch offices at the same time I was a few years ago. We reconnected when I moved to the London."

"Must be a good job if it convinced him to move to London."

"Lyle quit. Didn't you know?"

"No." Neil frowned. "We aren't in contact."

"He said you didn't talk much."

"I'd have called but I didn't know where he was or how to contact him." Neil lied.

"Oh. I—I was hoping you could tell me."

"I assume that's why you were so angry to see me." Neil said with and easy smile and she blushed.

"I do feel bad about that. But yes. One day I came home and he was just gone."

"You were living together?"

"Yeah, he spent most nights at my place anyway. He got rid of his apartment months before he disappeared."

"Is that typical of him?" Tieria asked Neil.

"The only thing I've ever known my brother to run away from is me."

"From you?" Lorrie asked in confusion, Tieria just watched Neil's carefully neutral face.

"Well, he could only take so many beatings for me." Neil joked.

"I see." She let it go, knowing there was more to be said. "I thought it was out of character for him but I can't think of anything that would make him just leave. If he had a problem with me he would have told me. He was never afraid to do that."

"Neil," Tieria interrupted softly, "we need to go or we'll miss the flight."

"Right."

"I'll get the car." Tieria stood and walked away.

Neil pulled a napkin out of the holder on the table and scribbled down his contact information.

"If you hear from him please tell me. You can pass that information on to him but I doubt he'll use it." Neil passed it over. "You're free to call yourself, though I'm usually out of service range."

"Out of… you mean in space?"

"Yep."

"Wow. I've always wanted to go but… the elevators just scare me."

"You get used to them." Neil assured her.

"I won't though, call you."

"Why?"

"I said Lyle and I were together. I didn't say it was good for either of us."

"Ah."

"Besides... you've got him."

"Who?" Lorrie just gave him a look over her coffee. Neil cracked a real smile. "You're more than just a trade investigator aren't you?"

"Someone thought so. I recently got a job with the World Economic Union's FDI."

"How did that lead you to Ireland?"

"Vacation before I return to the Union," She explained, "and you?"

"The same. They can't expect us to work forever in space." Tieria pulled up beside the café. "That's my ride."

"Thank you for the drink."

"You're welcome, Lorrie Benton." Neil said standing and leaving her at the table alone. She looked down at her drink and felt lonely. She forced herself not to watch the car drive away.

Neil looked over his shoulder at Lorrie's blond head disappearing around the corner. He stayed somberly quiet as they pulled onto the M1.

"What is it?" Tieria asked.

"What? Oh. That obvious."

"Yes."

"I was just thinking about Lyle. I wonder what he's doing?"

"Have you tried to find him?"

"Not very hard. I'm not really worried or anything. I just always thought he'd have a normal life. I guess he's just like me, never settling down anywhere for too long."

"Is that how you see yourself?"

"Yeah, I guess."

"Will you leave Celestial Being?"

"No." Neil became very serious. "No, I will see this through to the end."

Tieria smiled. He and Neil might not always be together as friends, or lovers, or whatever they were, but they would always be part of Celestial Being, they would always fight together. That assurance was enough for Tieria.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5: Cause

.o0o.

"Erde-san!" Mileana cried as Tieria and Neil approached. "Neil!"

"There you two are," Ian said. He turned in his seat at the table and put down his drink. "Are you satisfied with the 008 plans yet?"

"No." Tieria replied bluntly as he sat down across from Feldt.

"He'll never be satisfied," Neil explained, "So long as he eventually lets them start building it'll be ok."

"I will be satisfied when the theoretical output of the machine is…"

"Hey," A new voice joined the conversation, "I thought we agreed not to talk about Gundam at the dinner table."

"Lasse!" Neil cried happily and vaulted easily over the table to meet their friend.

"You're awake," Tieria noted in surprised.

"He woke up just yesterday, before your shuttle landed," Feldt explained.

"That was sooner than expected," the purple haired man noted to himself.

"How are you?" Neil asked.

"The Doctor's fixed me up alright. I'll be back to test piloting the new systems as soon as they're ready. Ian's been filling my ear with plans since yesterday." Lasse said easily and took a seat. Neil returned to his own. "What have you been up to while I was out?" He asked.

Neil and Tieira shared an inadvertent glance. Neil quickly started to talk. Though he didn't have much to say Lasse didn't pry. He turned his attention to Feldt then Ian and the conversation flowed naturally and easily. They were all cautious to stay away from subjects like the battle, Sumeragi, their lost comrads, and Neil's condition. Lasse didn't comment on the name change until they were leaving. The pilot caught Neil's arm as Feldt, Mileana and Ian drifted down the corridor away from the remaining two.

"Could we talk?" He asked softly.

"Sure," Neil turned to Tieria's suspicious eyes, "I'll catch up to you." He told the other man and Tieria took the hint. He drifted off as well without a backward glance.

"So it's Neil?"

"Neil Dylandy."

"Three pilots down," Lasse shook his head. "I'd gladly take your spot but I'm in worse shape than you." Neil glanced at the new scars on his friend's face.

"Not missing any pieces though I hope."

"No, nothing like that." For a moment Lasse was quiet and the hallway became tense. "I don't heal."

"What?"

"My cells don't duplicate properly. Any injury I sustain is pretty much permanent. It's not dying, just not healing." Lasse shook his head and looked away. "Doctors say in five or six years, even if I don't put my body under any strain my organs will start to fail."

"It's terminal?"

"Yeah," Lasse lowered his head for a moment then lifted it with a smile. "Course I've got some reason to be happy. For now I'm still strong. I'll do what I can even if it ends up shortening my life."

"Lasse, you don't have to put on a strong face for me. I know." Neil said softly. Lasse's jaw dropped a little and his smile disappeared. He met Neil's one shimmering eye. Neil just nodded. He knew right now Lasse was fighting to keep a hold of his emotions because they fluctuated so rapidly between anger, apathy, happiness and sorrow. The Irishman put his hand on Lasse's shoulder, squeezing it firmly.

"If you ever want to talk…" He left the invitation open before heading after Feldt and the Vashti's toward the Med Bay. Lasse was left standing in the hall with his head bowed.

It was nearly Night Cycle but Neil wasn't surprised to find Dr. Stadler still sitting at her desk when he entered Med Bay. She rose and came out of her office at the sound of the pressurized door.

"Neil, it's good to see you. How was your visit to—"

"Lasse," He cut her off.

"Yes," She replied softly.

"How bad is it?"

"I really can't—"

"Five years?"

"It's only an estimate."

"Damn," Neil clenched his fists and felt the weakness in his right arm. "There must be something that can be done?"

"We don't even know why it's happening."

"Then find out!"

"It's not that simple. I only have—"

"Figure it out! He doesn't deserve that!"

"I know it's not fair, Neil but—"

"Then fix it, fix both of us!"

"I can't!" Hilla Stadler finally raised her voice over his. "I just can't ok! I don't know why the new particles do this to people but it's not just you! There are cases of it on earth, everywhere from the battlefields to the factories where the engines are made. This is a new kind of poison that no one knows how to deal with yet and it's killing people. But no one is willing to give up the power of those Drives because you and Celestial Being scared them into this! You've got no one to blame but yourself!" She turned covered her mouth with one hand, her whole body trembling. Tears broke away from her eyes and hung in the air.

"Dr. Stadler." Neil wondered suddenly why she had joined Celestial Being. She had a story just like every other member of the organization and he'd ignored that. "I'm sorry."

"It's alright. I know you're angry and in pain. It hurt me too." She shook her head and more tears broke away from her face. "I always hoped that even if we couldn't eradicate war we could save lives… I thought that if we could stop at least some conflicts and those saved lives were greater than those that we took then it would be worth it but—I didn't think anything like this would happen. We've created a toxin more deadly than the wars we were trying to stop. I haven't saved anyone."

"Don't say that."

"It's true. And the worst part—do you want to know?" She lifted her eyes to meet his, they were dark brown like her fathers, steady and filled with strength. "The government is covering it up. There are no reports of the GN Tau poisoning anywhere in the public records." She turned way and went back into her office.

"Dr. Stadler," Neil followed and reached out to her but a look from her made him stop.

"Please, just go."

Neil clenched his jaw but nodded. He glided across the Med Bay to the door before he left he looked back at the doctor, hugging her arms around herself and standing alone in the shadows of her office.

"Hilla," He called back to her and she looked up, "Thanks for the present you sent with your father. It was really useful." His words brought a small smile to her face.

"You're welcome, Neil."

.o0o.

When Neil glided up to his room Tieria was leaning against the wall across from his door, waiting.

"You should have gone to bed," Neil told him as he stopped between Tieria and his room.

"You said you'd catch up."

"It was a private conversation."

"Alright," Tieria said and turned to leave.

"You're going to hack Lasse's file aren't you?"

"You reacted poorly when I did the same to you. If I were I would not tell you or Lasse."

"That doesn't make it right, Tieria."

"No, it doesn't. I was going to ask you if there was anything I should know but you are not in a talking mood. I'm going to bed." Tieria pushed off from the floor but Neil grabbed his arm stopping the man in mid air.

"Neil?"

"We should talk," Neil said softly. Tieria let himself be dragged into Neil's room and took a seat at the desk chair while Neil sat on the bed and explained what Lasse had told him and his conversation with Hilla Stadler.

"GN Tau poisoning," Tieria said to himself when Neil was finished. "I'd gotten some of the reports but I didn't notice the trends until now." He made frustrated tisk noise and put his knuckle to his lips. Neil noticed how cute it made Tieria look. "If only I still had Veda," the purple hair Meister was complaining and it brought Neil's thoughts back to the problem at hand.

"It is our fault though."

"No, it's not."

"How can you say that? We're the one's who first introduced GN Drives to the world."

"But we didn't create these GN Tau drives. We don't even know how to. I don't believe they were part of the plan."

"Who cares what was part of the plan now?"

"There were provisions even for this." Tieria replied.

"But you just said…"

"This, Gundam fighting Gundam, was not outside the scope of the plan but it was not the ideal situation. If the plan were built only on ideals it would have crumbled centuries before now. It was built so that it could adapt, that was the idea behind Veda itself." Tieria took off his glasses and wiped his eyes. "I do not want to think about what a malicious enemy would do with the power of Veda." Neil gave a humorless laugh.

"That's probably where it is though."

Tieria looked up, red eyes no longer separated from the world by panes of glass. There were lines around those eyes, a slackness to the muscles of his face and yet they did not waver as they looked into Neil's single blue eye.

"Don't look like that," Neil said with a forced smile. "We've still got a few advantages."

"There is no proper way to assess that," Tieria replied with a frown. Neil shrugged.

"It's just a feeling that I get. We're all fighting because we believe in this; Hilla, Lasse, Feldt, Ian… even you."

"…even me." Tieria repeated as he thought about it, then smiled and nodded.

Neil pushed himself off the bed and reached out to Tieria bringing the smaller man closer to him until their lips met, both floating in the absence of gravity. One kiss bled into another. Tieria held onto Neil, remembering the first time he had been in Lockon's room on Ptolomy and how desperately he'd clung to Lockon, terrified of loosing him. There was none of that desperation now. It was slow and tender, replaying that first night without the urgency or the impending tragedy, retaining only the passion and their mutual need for each other driving them. It was something new for Tieria, a wonderful and intoxicating experience he could never have dreamed off. He lay curled against Neil in the dark later that night, listening to his companion's even breathing and the rhythm of his beating heart.

He remembered the day after waking up in the Krung Threp Med Bay and wandering the corridors thinking, Must not I be human to feel this kind of pain? Is it worth it to be human if it means feeling this? He thought now, Yes it is worth it to be human for all the pain, because If I were not human I could not have this. He closed his eyes and just listened to the sounds of Neil's life.

.o0o.

A week passed quickly. To Tieria's surprise he fell into his relationship with Neil almost effortlessly. It helped that nothing changed between them while they were working, they argued over plans like always, pursued their own tasks and sometimes went whole days without seeing each other from breakfast until dinner. Other days they found quiet moments together. Sunday, a general day of relaxation when most of the residents of Krung Threp saw to their personal things, Neil ran into Tieria in the planning room where he was using the large holographic projector to map out a complicated design. It made little sense to Neil because he lacked the depth perception to discern which hairline was in front of which.

"Neil," Tieria said in surprise. "What are you doing here?"

"Looking for a memory drive I've misplaced." Neil replied.

"This one?" Tieria held up the drive with the green tag hanging from the end.

"There it is."

"I thought it was yours."

"I'm always losing them. What's this?"

"It's—" Tieria blushed. "Well, it's a turret."

"For? Not a Gundam I hope."

"No I was hoping the Ptolomy II would have space to accommodate it."

"Why? The specs look—" Neil peered at the projected range and power of the weapon which were displayed on the bottom of the complex diagram, "—excessive. What would Lasse or any of the other crew be able to do with that?"

"I was—thinking you would be able to use it. It could be useful given the combat situations the first Ptolomy was subjected to. Having some accurate defense of it's own would be advantageous."

"Really?"

"It would be a major drain on power though. I was—" Neil cut off Tieria's rambling with a kiss. "What was that for?" Tieria asked when Neil pulled away.

"I—well for not thinking of me as—useless."

"Neil, you're physical injuries have no effect on the memories and understanding your mind has gained. Those are just as valuable as your physical ability to fire a weapon or pilot of mobile suit."

Neil chuckled.

"Is it really that simple to you?"

"Yes."

"Who am I to argue?"

"I don't understand your question."

"It was rhetorical."

"Another concept of human speech that will elude me." Neil opted to respond with more kisses, which Tieria returned. As he kissed Neil, Tieria decided there was no point in continuing his work at that moment. The plans for Ptolomy two were in the very early stages. He had plenty of time before he would need to submit the design for inclusion. Instead he focused on the man in his arms and said man's pleasantly wandering hands.

They were interrupted several minutes later by the bell tone that played over the intercom for dinner. Neil groaned at it and bit a tender spot on Tieria's neck causing the other man to shudder and gasp.

"Food?" Neil asked. It was Tieria's turn to groan.

"Pasta night." He replied to Neil's amusement. Ever since they had pasta in Italy together Tieria had found it difficult to swallow the space friendly version served on Krung Threp.

"It's not so bad."

"I'd rather go hungry."

"That would be illogical though."

"Fine." Tieria said and kissed Neil again, feeling the irishman's smile against his lips.

"Come on, Mileana will be disappointed if you don't come. I'm hungry."

They slipped out of the conference room a minute later and were making their way down the hall when they ran into a heated argument.

"You're a fool!"

"I don't care! I'm going!"

"Talk some sense into this crazy woman!" Aldred Stadler turned in annoyance to Neil and Tieria, pointing at Hilla Stadler, as the two newcomers came to a stop before the father and daughter.

"What's going on?" Neil asked.

"This," Hilla passed over a small holloscreen with a Celestial Being confidential report, Neil looked it over while Hilla summarized it. "There was an explosion of one of the defective Tau drives in a factory in the China block of the HRL. The whole factory and the surrounding area have been quarantined."

"That doesn't sound like anything Celestial Being should be involved in," Tieria noted.

"You don't feel the least bit responsible for putting those carcinogenic bombs out there?" Hilla demanded.

"No. I would much rather find and punish the person who did. Most likely they are also responsible for the Fallen Angel Operation."

"They're only out there because you and Celestial Being gave the world a need for them."

"Still. It is a mater best handled by the HRL. They are not our citizens to protect and care for."

"Yeah, if the HRL was doing anything. That factory had 7,000 workers in it. 7,000 workers and their families but there hasn't been a single report, or a health warning, not to anyone."

"What?"

"It's true." Neil said and handed over the report. Tieria snatched it and read quickly.

"Somehow they're covering it up," Hilla went on. "There's a group of Celestial Being's allies on earth who are going there to do what they can, try to get the word out about the GN Tau particles."

"And I'm telling her not to go," Aldred cut in. "If they're going to this much trouble you'll just be endangering yourself by going there and nothing will come of it."

"Well I can't just sit here. I got my Medical Degree to help people."

"That's what you're doing here! That's why you joined!"

"Maybe I wish I hadn't. Dr. Moreno really believed that this organization could change the world and I wanted to believe in it too. Now he's dead and nothing has changed." Hilla's eyes became glassy with tears and she turned away, pushing off from the floor and speeding down the corridor away from her father.

"Hilla!" He called after her but Neil caught his arm.

"Let her go Old Man," He said kindly. "She has to do what she thinks is best."

"Damn it all," Stadler punched the wall and gritted his teeth then sighed in weary defeat. "She's always been like that."

"Quite some daughter you've got," Neil repeated his words from their first meeting.

"I just wish she was less like her mother."

"I don't know either of you very well but I see a lot of her father in her."

"Maybe that's the crux of the problem." Stadler replied. "Thanks for the help boys." He grabbed the handle on the wall and let it pull his away.

"I don't think we were much help." Tieria replied and closed the holloscreen. Neil took it from him and pocketed it silently. They moved on to the cafeteria but they were both silent through the meal.

That night they lay together in the darkness, Neil on his back staring up at the ceiling. He thought Tieria had gone to sleep so he jumped when the smaller man spoke.

"You're going aren't you?"

"With Hilla Stadler? Yeah."

"I see," there was a sour note to Tieria's voice.

"Tieria, are you jealous?" A grin crept over Neil's face and it was audible in his voice.

"Why does that amuse you?" Tieria asked, sitting up with a peeved expression. Neil outright laughed.

"I'm just happy I'm worth being jealous over. But you've got nothing to worry about Beautiful. Hilla's much more interested in Sumeragi."

"What? Oh. How do you know?"

"Lilian Aker, the mechanical engineer told me. They had a think about six months ago. Poor Lilian's still worked up about it."

"Do you think Aldred Stadler knows?"

"I certainly won't tell him but probably."

"I see." Tieria laid down again beside Neil. They were quiet for a long time.

"Neil."

"Yeah?"

"You don't have to answer but what did your family think of you—liking men?" Neil became very still.

"I didn't really know early enough to have told my parents. My mother was always very religious, so was her family but—I think she would have understood. Lyle didn't. Mostly he and the rest of my relatives ignored it. Everyone but Lyle's dead now, so I don't think about it. I don't believe in god and even if I did I don't think he'd be the kind to punish people for who they… care for. There are better things to punish men for."

"I see."

"What about you? Does Veda have an opinion?"

"Veda is uninterested in such things in relation to single people only in how opinions alter the course of events."

"And you?"

"I—I never really thought about it."

"I see."

Again they lapsed into silence.

"Neil."

"Yeah?"

"Be careful."

"Always. I'll be back before you know it. Hopefully it'll be as easy as taking some photo's, leaking them to the press and high tailing it to space."

"I hope so," Tieria replied but there was a sinking feeling in his stomach, something he couldn't logically explain. It turned out to be a good warning.

.o0o.

Neil and the Hillary weren't heard from for a few weeks and Tieria watched the news channels for information but they remained resolutely quiet. He counted the days Neil was gone until finally a message arrived. It was a short video recording.

"Hey," Neil said, his face was more tanned than Tieria remembered and there were shadows under his eyes. "It's been busy here. Not the good kind. You probably know already what a catastrophe it's been. If not you'll get the reports soon. Open your com at 0230 and I'll try to get a live message through. See you soon."

Tieria glanced at the time even though he knew already there were three hours before 0230. So instead he sat down to wait and looked through the reports that had been piling up on his computer. He finally found the one that Neil must have meant. The factory had blown up, the lower class housing down wind of it had caught fire and burned to the ground. The community was devastated and the death count was rising. Tieria frowned. Predictably he found news stories covering the event but there were no mentions of the previous quarantine or any indication that the Factory had suffered anything but a gas leak and bad luck.

Finally 0230 rolled around and Tieria opened the link and waited. A signal connected and a grainy video appeared on his screen.

"Tieria!" Neil smiled over the video connection, "You look bored."

"You look tired."

"Well it's the middle of the night here."

"Where are you?"

"The camp outside the Yungang District. Hilla's gotten work as a doctor here. She's taken charge of the south triage area."

"What happened?"

"You read the report."

"Of course."

"Well, it didn't go as planed. I don't know how but they knew, before we moved they knew what we were doing. We got all the information about the cover up but nothing we sent out ever made it to the recipients. We contacted a few people but they were paid into silence or forced because there's only one story and no one is arguing it."

"That is troubling."

"Tell me about it. Anyway. That group Hilla met up with, they call themselves Romeo 9. They've offered me a ride to France. One of our contacts is there, Vincent. I want to look into this with him, he's almost as good with a keyboard as you are."

"What does that mean?"

"Well he found Celestial Being on his own by our computer trial."

"Veda would have noticed."

"And it suggested we take him under our wing. He's a real name in the hacker community. If he can't help he'll get me in touch with people who can."

"Is it safe."

"I'll be fine." Tieria frowned.

"I can't stop you."

"Thanks. I know I said I'd back soon—"

"It can't be helped. I will tell Stadler his daughter is safe."

"Yeah. She's made some good friends here. They'll watch over her."

The video began to degrade and Neil's voice distorted as he finished talking.

"Looks like that's all we get," Neil said with a sad smile.

"It was good to see you," Tieria replied. Neil nodded. He opened his mouth to say something but the sound came out too garbled. Tieria shook his head as the picture before him deconstructed even more.

Neil gave a wave and a forced grin before the connection was totally lost. Tieria sighed and realized his hand was half raised to return the gesture but he was too late. He dropped his hand and leaned back. His room felt incredibly empty, like it had the first night he'd returned after the Fallen Angel Operation.

He got up and opened his closet, looking for clothes more comfortable than his uniform. Disinterested in what he found he left and went to Neil's room, where he hadn't been in weeks. In Neil's closet he found the yellow sweater and soft blue pants he liked to wear to bed. Neil had almost laughed at Tieria when he said he preferred to sleep clothed. Tieria held up the fabric and let the smell of it wash over him, remembering Neil. On a whim Tieria crawled into Neil's cold bed, wrapped in the blanket that still smelled like their sweat and tried to fill his loneliness with his imagination. He hugged the pillow but felt just as cold and alone.

On earth Neil lay on the hard cot in his corner of the tent Romeo 9 had put up for themselves. A group of them sat playing cards and talking in their native Spanish. They seemed miles away from him at that moment instead of feet. He rubbed his sore leg and missed Krung Threp, he missed weightlessness, soft touches in the dark, familiar silky hair tickling his face and sharing warmth in the coldness of space. He sighed ran his hand through his hair, pulling the sweaty strands off his forehead. He missed Tieria. After all the burned bodies, the stink of death that hung around him for the past few days, the sickening truth of it all he could use some cold hard logic. Sometime during the fire, while he sat on the hill overlooking the factory and the slum around it and watching the lives of 7,000 families burning helplessly he decided the only thing worse than terrorist stealing the lives of innocent families was a government that would condemn it's own citizens to a worse fate, an anonymous fate, a death covered by a lie to cover a bigger lie to cover the corrupt institution of war perpetuated by corrupt people wrongfully in possession of power. It made him sick to his stomach and itching for a fight, itching to find the bastards that perpetuated the cycle and cut them out like a tumor.

Neil rolled onto his good side and thought to himself, I'd like a drink right now. A drink and a good fuck, then Tieria can lecture me. We'll get back our fighting strength and bring this down on them harder than ever before. This won't be the end. Neil lay awake for a long time thinking those thoughts until exhaustion pulled him into sleep.

* * *

[AN: So there are some other languages in this chapter. Just as a note: I only speak English. Any other languages are the product of Google Translate and they're probably atrocious. Please excuse that.]


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6: December

.o0o.

Neil sat in the restaurant of the L'hôtel de Toit Vert with a steaming cup of coffee watching Le Café de L'oeil de Chat across the street where two men sat at an outside table without drinks. He couldn't hear what they said but it was unimportant. He frowned and wished he had his rifle, after three weeks following people he was itching for some kind of action. His phone beeped and he pulled it out. It was a simple text message: Rotation ETA 12/20/2309 1900. Neil smiled. He turned back to the men he was following with a better attitude.

On December 21st he stood outside Charles de Gaulle airport. He couldn't help the wide smile that came over his face as a familiar head of purple hair approached through the crowd. Tieria had somehow found a pink cardigan nearly identical to the one that had been lost on the Ptolomy. Neil decided he'd missed that particular piece of clothing, it suited Tieria in a strange way.

"Bienvenu a Paris," Neil said with an atrocious accent.

"Merci. J'ai hâte de mon séjour dans cette belle ville," Tieria replied with a smug expression.

"Showoff." Neil smiled, took Tieria's bag and stowed it in the back seat. Once they were both in the car and had pulled out of the airport traffic Neil broke the silence.

"I missed you."

"I did as well."

"I've been busy though."

"As have I."

"How are the Gundam coming along?"

"Slow. We don't have Veda's help anymore."

"I see."

"And your work?"

"Same. It's not easy."

"No."

Neil pulled the car into an underground lot, they took an old elevator up twenty floors to a sparsely furnished flat. Though clean and well maintained it was nothing special, nor was any of the furniture. A large desk dominated one wall of the main room but it and the brackets above it were nearly empty except for Neil's disassembled riffle. The Coffee table in the center of the room was overflowing with papers and assorted files. Neil looked around at it distastefully.

"It's not the Villa Minerva but it's alright."

"I have little desire ever to return to that place."

"You too?" Neil turned with a shy grin.

"Who's apartment is it?"

"Used to be Vincent's but he had to move rather suddenly and he said I could use the place."

"Where is he?"

"Spain. It was safer there. Romeo 9 is putting him up for a while. They've hit it off actually. Paris didn't really suit Vincent anyway." Neil shrugged and walked to the kitchen. "Drink?"

"Water." Tieria watched Neil noticing how little he leaned on the cane at his side. It was markedly different then the last time they were on earth. Neil returned with a beer for himself and a glass of water for Tieria.

"Do you ever drink?" Neil asked as he uncapped the bottle.

"Once."

"Once?" Tieria sipped the water and avoided Neil's gaze. "Come on, you can't drop something like that and not tell."

"Ian," Tieria explained. "I don't remember most of it but I will never try it again."

"And Ian's never told a soul?"

"It was more pathetic than funny." Tieria admitted.

"Alright." Neil shrugged and drank his beer.

"What have you been doing here?" Tieria asked, his eyes had caught the files scattered across the coffee table and the multitude of photos Neil had snapped during his surveillance.

"Bit of a long story."

"We have time and I've barely heard from you since you came here to meet Vincent."

"Well, Vincent and I were looking into the Yungang incident. He found a similar incident in Equador. There was a reporter, Jackson Loudon who was in South America, probably looking into it, and we tracked him down. He was interested in Yungang just as we were in Equador. He had a similar story. Yungang wasn't the first major cover up of it's kind. Loudon had a list of similar cases, one in San Fransisco, one in Greece, and one in Japan, all with similar cover-ups, some bigger or smaller, Yungang, Equador and Greece were all in connection to the GN Tau Poisoning. We were getting somewhere on the Japan incident when Loudon and the source he was meeting got bullets to the head in the middle of Canary Warf in London on a December Sunday. There was no press release about the shooting. Even the police report was erased."

"Who would have that authority?"

"Get's better. I moved Vincent to Spain with the help of Romeo 9; I was afraid he was too involved. My suspicions turned out to be correct because Mathew Shaffer came looking for him."

"Who's Mathew Shaffer?"

"He was a sniper for the PMC Trust, a native of Moralia. We met a long time ago when we were rivals."

"You knew him?"

"I knew his stats and he knew mine."

"Was he the sniper in London?" Neil nodded and explained.

"Vincent found the evidence to prove it. Shaffer's predictable; once I knew it was him it was easy to find proof."

"You turned him in."

"Tired to. Nothing happened. Shaffer tried to disappear when he couldn't find Vincent or me. I followed him for a while, let him lose me in India because I knew he would double back to Paris."

"Where is he now?" Neil was quiet and sipped his beer, looking pointedly at the far wall.

"I know that's not what you intended for me to use that riffle for." He said finally

"No, but I'm glad you had one when you needed it."

"Anyway, the man who cleaned up Shaffer's death and whipped the records like the Canary Warf shooting was a member of the AEU intelligence network. I've been making a web of his contacts ever since but I don't think it will lead me to the real source of the cover-ups."

"It's bigger than this."

"Yeah. Much bigger. It spans all three of the superpowers but I can't rule out that it isn't an independent fourth party."

"I see." Tieria frowned as he looked over the information.

"Can we talk about this later? I'll give you all the files I've got."

"I would like that." Tieria said truthfully. "It's times like this I wish we had Veda. It was a designed to recognize trends such as these, buried in the small things, hiding the larger structure."

"Like Monet."

"Monet?"

"The painter. He was my mother's favorite. Actually I should take you to the Musee d'Orsey and show you."

"I fail to see how Veda is related to a painter." Neil smiled widely and leaned over to press a tender kiss to Tieria's lips. Despite himself Tieria felt his thoughts slip away and he leaned in as Neil pulled away.

"I'll explain later. Right now I have a better idea." Neil bent his head, slipping his hand under Tieria's chin and Tieria met his lips enthusiastically. Their drinks were forgotten on the table as they rooted out the last of their loneliness, crushed against each other on the worn out sofa. They fumbled with zippers and buttons, lips trailing over the skin they could reach, and whispering each other's names in the height of their passion.

Tieria lay on top of Neil afterward, both of them were shirtless with their pants half off, only just starting to feel the chill of winter on their bare skin. Tieria was careful not to lay on Neil's bad side as he traced shrapnel scars on his companions otherwise smooth skin and enjoyed the feeling of hands in his hair, brushing out the long strands and lifting them to let them fall back in the gravity.

"Where did you get this?" Neil asked and picked up the pink sweater from the back of the couch.

"In Africa before I left to come here."

"It's nostalgic."

"In a bad way?"

"No, just nostalgic." Neil turned to press his warm lips to Tieria's forehead. Tieria slid closer and shivered a little in the poorly heated apartment. Neil pulled the sweater off the cushion and wrapped it gently over Tieria.

"Are you tired?"

"I—" Tieria's stomach made a noise and they both froze as it echoed in the silent. Neil burst out laughing.

"Guess that answers that question," He said and smiled at Tieria's blush. He pulled Tieria up to kiss him again. "Looks like I finally get to take you to dinner."

"We've eaten dinner together before."

"Yes but not like this."

"I don't see the distinction." Neil shook his head at Tieria's confusion.

"It's something humans do."

"What?"

"Date."

"Oh." Tieria blushed again and Neil couldn't help noticing it looked good with his hair. He was about to kiss Tieria again when the Miester sat up.

"Can I borrow your bathroom?"

"Through there." Neil motioned. "Though it's nothing fancy. Vincent's a simple guy." Neil lay on the couch alone, listening to the sounds of Tieria in the other room vaguely. It was nice to have a companion again. Vincent, for all his brilliance, was a socially awkward recluse who's wardrobe consisted of kaki pants, button up shirts in a small variety of colors and slippers, who thought love could only be bought and no one could be trusted unless they were paid well enough. He wasn't much of a companion. Tieria came back in, fully dressed again and looked at Neil curiously. Neil smiled. He was happy just to have Tieria's company again.

.o0o.

"I don't see how this is connected to Veda," Tieria said as he and Neil stood before Claude Monet's Study of a Figure Outdoors.

"Well my mother said it doesn't make any sense till you step back and look at the whole picture."

Tieria leaned in and peered at the paint then leaned back and cocked his head to the side, making his hair fall against the side of his face. Neil smiled as he watched the man's confusion.

"I still don't understand."

"Oh well."

They walked away, Neil's arm over Tieria's shoulder. When they had exhausted their interest in 19th century art they went back out into the biting chill of Paris in December. Tieria bought them creaps from a small stand on a corner and they found a bench beside the Seine and sat down.

"I will admit that food is better in gravity," Tieria said.

"And I will admit for all the bad things about space I do miss it sometimes," Neil said, rubbing his bad leg subconsciously.

"Will you come back?"

"To Krung Threp?"

"Yes."

"I still have things to do here."

"Following leads on the AEU intelligence network?"

"Yeah."

"Neil, you said yourself this is bigger than you."

"I'll see it through to the end though."

"For what purpose? Without Veda—"

"We need more people on the ground. Celestial Being is powerless without the Gundam but even if we had the Gundam we don't have enough information to use them effectively."

"That doesn't mean you have to be the one down here."

"I have the skills. I may be a bit slower now but I know what I'm doing."

"Neil, this is dangerous, even for someone in their prime."

"Hey, I'm not helpless."

"That's not what I was saying."

"What do you want me to do?"

"Come back to space."

"And do what, Tieria? I'm not an engineer or a scientist. I'm a pilot."

"We could use you." Neil was shaking his head though.

"I'll do more good here. I know it doesn't amount to much but I have to do something, Tieria."

"Casing ghosts won't help you. If you won't return to space at least go to Wang Liu Mei and ask for her assistance." Tieria looked away pointedly.

"She'll keep me locked in that mansion of hers." Neil said distastefully and looked up at the menacing cloud cover. He sighed. A much as he didn't want to admit it his investigation was hitting a dead end. Without infiltrating the AEU's intelligence network himself, a job he didn't have the knowledge or stupidity to try, he was stumped. The real string pullers were too high up in the bureaucracy. "You're right though, she does have resources I could use." Neil caved.

"You'll go."

"Ah. When your rotation is up I'll go, at least for the winter."

"Thank you."

"For what?"

"I worry," Tieria admitted, looking down at his lap. Neil put his arm around the other man's shoulder and leaned their heads together.

"That's human," he whispered. Tieria nuzzled closer, fitting his head under Neil's chin and smiling. Neil frowned though at the gray city. Wang Liu Mei was the last person he wanted to go to for help but at least it was still on earth. Maybe something new will come up before that, Neil thought. He later hated himself for that wish.

.o0o.

Neil smiled and lifted a white feather out of the ripped binding of the duvet, he twirled it in the morning sunlight then held it over his sleeping partner and let go. The feather drifted lazily down to rest on the pale skin of Tieria's throat where it clung to the shallow curve, twitching slightly. Tieria's hand reached up and brushed at the spot though he remained drifting in sleep, his face untroubled and dark lashes splayed out on his pale cheeks. Neil smiled and tried to memorize the simple contentment of that moment listening to Tieria's breathing and the Christmas tunes coming up through the floorboards. His battles and struggles seemed so far away for those few minutes just watching Tieria. Why can't all the world just live like this? He wondered. If we all feel this way at one point in our lives why do we ever fight? He knew they were naïve thoughts but he liked them.

Sitting on Vincent's guest bed with Tieria beside him breathing evenly and peacefully he could imagine a life without violence where he never worried about the time slipping away from him before all his friends were taken away. A kind of life that would allow Tieria to use his intellect and skills to better the world, There was so much that Veda and Tieria could give the world but they were held back by war. Feldt could like the normal peaceful life her parents had wanted for her. Mileana would be able to go to school with her peers and have friends her own age. Ian could live with his wife again. With all the resources turned away from war perhaps they could find a cure for Lasse or at least better the life he had left. Neil frowned a little as he realized in such a world he didn't know where he would fit in. When the world was free of armed conflict what place would he fill in it? What purpose would he have but to atone for the crimes he'd committed? What did he have to offer the world for all the lives that he'd taken?

Tieria groaned and rolled over. A feather got caught between his cheek and the pillow and he woke up to pick at it.

"What is this?" Tieria asked sitting up and watching a small rain of white objects fall off his chest and out of his hair. "What?" His eyebrows pulled together in confusion and he looked at Neil. The Irishman's unpleasant thoughts melted and he grinned again at Tieria's wonderfully sleepy and confused expression.

"Good morning, beautiful."

"What are these?" Tieria fumbled on the nightstand for his glasses and shoved them on. "Feathers? Is that what I was dreaming about? Neil." He glared, the effect of which was ruined by the feather tangled in his bangs, and Neil laughed.

"Oh but you were so funny, swatting them away in your sleep."

"I dreamed they were spiders." Tieria shivered.

"You're afraid of spiders?"

"Not afraid but fear does not preclude me from an aversion of physical contact with anything in possession of more than four legs." Tieria said petulantly and lifted his nose in indignation. Neil laughed again.

"Alright then." Neil said, still smiling and leaned forward to press a kiss to Tieria's forehead. "Tea?" He asked and stood, taking his cane from where it rested against the nightstand.

"Yes," Tieria replied standing on the opposite side and heading for the bathroom, "in a minute."

"Take you're time, I've been up for hours."

"What have you been doing?"

"Oh nothing much," Neil said with a wicked grin. Tieria watched him suspiciously as he left the room.

Neil hummed to himself a little Christmas tune that had been playing on a radio on the floor below. It was a familiar one from his childhood, the kind of tune that would worm it's way into his mind and root itself there for days. He was still humming it when the tea was ready and he sat down at the table to peal an orange. They always had oranges at Christmas back home he remembered. The Christmas tune in his head and the smell took him back to those simple times before he'd grown up, before the bombing, before the rift had formed between him and Lyle. Lyle… He reached for the miniature holloscreen on the table and clicked it open. He dropped the orange at what he saw. The round pealed fruit rolled off the table and hit the floor.

"Neil?" Tieria's voice made him jump and he turned quickly as if he'd been shouted at. Tieria bent and picked up the fruit, holding it out but Neil didn't move to take it.

"You've been investigating Lyle." Neil said softly.

Tieria looked down at the holloscreen and the encoded text beside the image of the young brunet.

"How do you know that isn't a picture of you?"

"Don't try to pull that with me," Neil stood up, towering over Tieria. "We always know. Why are you investigating my brother?"

"I—was just—"

"Just what? Curious? Do you have no boundaries?" Neil grabbed his cane and limped away, leaning heavily on it. He went to the window and stood looking out at the city.

"You know he was the next candidate," Tieria said.

"What?"

"You were Veda's first suggestion for the GN-002 Gundam Meister. Your brother was second."

"Lyle? Is that why you're investigating him?"

"No. The criteria Veda used to chose the Meisters then is no longer valid given our current position."

"They why?"

"I—I found—"

"Don't. I don't want to know."

"I didn't think it would bother you so much."

"Tieria, people have privacy. Just because I've decided to dedicate my life to fighting the world doesn't mean it should ever affect him. We cut ties a long time ago for good reasons."

"You shouldn't be so quick to dismiss him—"

"Don't tell me how to deal with my little brother." Neil all but growled and gripped the cane tighter.

"I'm—I'm sorry." Tieria whispered and picked up the holloscreen. He walked away, back into the bedroom, leaving Neil alone. Perhaps it was the Christmas tunes, the smell of citris on his hands, the cold radiating off the window pane or talk of Lyle but he was losing himself in the memories. Neil shook his head but they wouldn't be dismissed. He could only brace himself and let them play out.

"_I don't want to!" Lyle groaned and pushed the green jersey away. _

"_Come on!" Neil pushed it forward. _

"_No! You're always going on about them but I don't care!"_

"_Don't be a girl Lyle."_

"_You're the girl! You want to play dress ups!"_

"_It's not dressups you ninny!"_

"_Weirdo!"_

"_No, no!" Little hands swatted at Neil's as Amy intervened grabbing the green fabric and pulling it with all the weight of her little body._

"_No Amy! You'll rip it!" Neil cried and let go. Amy tumbled backward and tripped over an empty box falling back into it with a loud thump. _

"_Neil!" Lyle cried just before Amy's wails filled the room. _

"_Boys!" Neil and Lyle shared looks of worry at their father's tone._

"_Oh no," Mother bustled in, collecting Amy in her arms. _

"_No, no," Amy sobbed and clutched the jersey. _

"_What's wrong sweetheart? Did you hit your head?" Mother asked her softly in her lullaby voice. _

"_Amy," Lyle stood under his mother's elbow, "don't cry. It's Christmas."_

"_No one should cry on Christmas. We're all supposed to be happy." Neil agreed and stood next to his brother. Amy gulped and looked between the two of them._

"_You're not mad?"_

"_Mad? Why?" Neil asked._

"_Lyle didn't want to play," She pouted._

_The twins shared a look. Neil smiled a little and turned back to his sister. _

"_It's alright, you can play with me instead, if you want."_

"_Realy?"_

"_Yeah."_

"_Then you won't be mad?"_

"_No."_

"_Ok." She perked up and let Mother wipe away her tears. The green jersey was too big for her but she insisted on wearing it all the same. Lyle laughed and said it looked better on her than it did on him or Neil. She seemed to find it funny even if Neil didn't. _

Neil bowed his head. He blinked rapidly against his blurring vision and breathed deeply. People had told him that the pain would fade after the bombing, but it never did for Neil. He would go for long periods without feeling the grief, even visit their graves without the torment he felt in that moment. It was those flashes of memory when they felt so real and so close that broke him down every time, no mater when or where. He'd run away from them, from Ireland, from Lyle, even from earth. Neil turned away from the window and limped to the doorway of the bedroom.

Tieria was sitting on the edge of his side of the bed with the holloscreen in hand scrolling through reports too quickly to actually be reading them. He looked up when Neil leaned against the doorframe.

"How is he?" Neil asked looking pointedly at the floor. Tieria paused before he answered.

"Alive. He seems to have found something he finds worthwhile."

"So he's happy?"

"I don't know. If he's like you he would not be happy doing anything else."

Neil gave a short harsh laugh.

"Yes, he's like me in that respect. I'm glad."

"I didn't mean to invade his privacy."

"No. You're gathering information; It's what you're supposed to do. It's just different when it's personal."

"I don't—"

"Tieria, you'd tell me—if there were something I needed to know?" Neil asked, looking the other man in the eye and not voicing his dread.

"Yes," Tieria replied.

"Thank you. I don't need to know anything else then. Tea?"

"Um—Yes." Tieria got up and crossed the room slowly. He paused at the door when Neil didn't move out of the way. Instead Neil raised a hand to Tieria's cheek and brushed back his hair.

"I'm sorry. I lashed out at you again."

"It's really fine." Tieria replied and a sad smile quirked on Neil's face.

"You're too forgiving of me."

"You are too harsh a judge of yourself."

"Perhaps." Neil shrugged. To his surprise Tieria reached up before he could turn away and pulled Neil into a kiss. Tieria didn't often take that initiative. Neil reacted by pushing Tieria against the other side of the doorframe, deepening the kiss and sliding his tongue into Tieria's mouth. Tieria moaned when Neil pulled away.

"You should do that more often," Neil whispered. Their eyes met and Tieria drew a sharp breath at the intense and promising look in Neil's blue eye. Neil pressed one last kiss to Tieria's lips and moved away. Tieria remained against the doorframe for a few minutes and cursed the fluttering of his heart. Nothing else affected him quite like Neil, it was both infuriating and wonderful. Tieria decided he didn't want to know which and sat down with Neil for tea. Neither of them ate the orange but the smell lingered around the flat for the rest of the morning. Neil hummed the Christmas tune and kept Tieria close. When he drifted away in his memories he squeezed Tieria's hand and the solidity of it and the company kept his depression at bay.

.o0o.

Beep, beep. Beep, beep. Beep, beep.

"Shit," Neil sat up, throwing off the covers and diving for his phone amid the clothing on the floor. He came up with a device but it was Tieria's and he discarded it toward the sleeping man. The sound of hard plastic hitting flesh echoed and Tieria groaned.

"Ouch! What are you doing?"

"Where is the damn thing?" Neil stood and looked around.

Tieria flicked on the bedside lamp and Neil dove after his pants pulling up the device and flicking it open. A message from Vincent flashed on the screen. Neil sat down on the bed beside Tieria and clicked it open.

It was a voice recording.

"_Neil! I hope you get this soon. They found us. I don't know how but they hit hard and we only—" A man's scream of pain in the background cut Vincent off. "We need help, serious help. Please! We're—Oh god!"_

"_Run!"_

"_No please!_

"_I don't want to—"_

_A loud bang that quickly cut off into static ended the message._

Neil and Tieria sat in silence. In a daze Neil dialed Vincent. A message appeared on the screen, _Invalid Number_.

"Shit!" Neil hissed and ran to the window. He opened it quickly and dropped the phone.

"Neil!"

"Get dressed."

"What?"

"Get dressed and get your things, we have to leave."

"Neil."

"They know where we are."

"Who?"

"I don't know."

Neil grabbed his clothes and threw Tieria the rest. There was a few minutes of hurried movement. Clothing and various things were stuffed in bags. Neil's riffle went into it's case. Tieria pulled bleach from the bathroom and doused the bed. Neil shoved pistols and ammunition into Tieria's hands. He gathered the files he couldn't take from the coffee table and wend to the kitchen sink. Pouring oil over them he pulled out his lighter and paused. It was a metal Chinese lighter with a dragon cheaply enameled on the side. Jordon, a member of Rome 9 had given it to him in China. Neil remembered their first meeting. Jordon had seen right through him from the start.

"_Lots of us are orphans, or became orphans soon after we joined."_

"_Isn't that always the case?" Neil had replied._

"_You too, huh? I thought so." Jordon had smiled and introduced himself with a firm handshake and a light hearted air._

Neil gritted his teeth, tried not to imagine where Jordon might be now, and lit the whole mess on fire. He stuffed the lighter in his pocked and took his pistol from Tieria.

"Ready?" He asked and the Gundam Meister nodded, his face serious and emotionless. It was the face he wore into missions, the inhuman face that scared Neil.

"It's too bad, I like Paris." Neil said, halfheartedly trying to lighten the mood.

"So did I," Tieria responded, his mask cracking for a moment as his eyes searched Neil's face, memorizing it as if it might be the last time. Before they left they shared a quick kiss, a brush of lips, little more.

"For luck," Tieria said when Neil pulled away.

"Ah." He smiled. "I thought you didn't believe in it."

"For you then." Neil nodded at that and they set their minds to the task at hand.

They left nothing behind but the smell of bleach, the ashes in the sink, sparkling clean dishes in the dishwasher and a pealed orang rotting on the table. That was all the SWAT team found when they broke into the flat.

.o0o.

Neil and Tieria sat in the private car of the train speeding through the French countryside in the dark. Neil watched the lights flash by and waited for Tieria to break the bad news. Finally he clicked the screen shut.

"What?" Neil demanded. Tieria shook his head

"Tieria—"

"They're all dead."

"No way?"

"All four European bases of Romeo 9 were hit tonight. It was a well-coordinated and informed attack. I estimate the chances of survivors is less than 15%."

"No."

"A portion of the Spanish cell was able to evade capture and make it to a safe house under the city. The safe house was too dangerous to breech with manpower so the ground troops were authorized to use lethal force."

"You said capture."

"I have a report from one of our agents in the AEU intelligence. The orders ended after the capture. Those in custody were turned over to local police but none have been processed into the system. The most logical explanation, given the identical circumstances in all four locations, is that they were turned over to a black ops team and killed."

"No way." Neil felt his nails digging into his palm and his weak hand protested. "Why?" Neil asked.

"I don't know."

"They were non-violent advocates. Why have they done to provoke this?"

"I have been following their actions since you drew them to my attention and I would agree but in their attempts to promote awareness of certain incidents over the years they have made enemies."

"But what enemy would have the authority and the reach to organize something like this?"

"Someone in the AEU Intelligence Network."

"Perhaps…" Neil frowned. He quickly pulled out the cheep phone he'd bought from a kiosk in the train station and dialed.

"Who are you calling?"

"Come on, come on," Neil gripped the phone, eyes glued to the screen, as it tried to connect.

_Invalid Number._

Neil growled in frustration, opened the window and dropped the phone out.

"Who were you calling?"

"Hilla Stadler. This wasn't just in Europe. They hit China too."

"Yungang." Tieria breathed the word as he understood.

"Yeah."

"I'll get us a flight."

"What do I tell her father?" Neil asked and put his head in his hands.

It was a tense and quiet ride. When they arrived in Saarbrücken, Germany they caught a cab to the airport and barely made the flight. Neil was almost glad that Tieria didn't try to comfort him with empty words or assurances. Instead he focused on getting the bags with their weapons checked and through security. They landed in Moscow, still in the AEU and took a smaller flight to the boarder near the Aral Sea. They caught a rickety train south over the boarder and Tieria paid off the border patrol. They paid their way into a ride to the nearest airport where a small plane that should have been decommissioned a decade ago took them into the HRL. There were no border patrol on the other side to meet them. It wasn't far to Yungang so Tieria bought a car off an airport employee and they drove. Neil was almost silent the whole way but he insisted on driving. He took them through back roads to a hill where an outcropping overlooked what was once the town and the factory of Yungang.

Hearing about the place and seeing it were two different things. Tieria gaped at the scar that marred the valley below them, cut out in strong contrast against the red orange landscape lit by the setting sun. He'd seen as much destruction caused by his own hand but never directed at civilians. Closer to them in the valley were the signs of a camp, Tieria peered at it in the growing darkness. Neil lifted a pair of binoculars and made an angry noise.

"What is it?"

"Bodies."

"What?"

Neil handed over the binoculars. Tieria hesitated then lifted them up and looked down at the camp. Between the rows of trampled tents he saw them, some starting to swell, some naked, others were ravaged and spread by animals. Tieria couldn't pull the binoculars from his face. He didn't want to see but he couldn't look away. A hand pushed them down for him and the too close death because the far off scene of desolation.

"I've got to find Hilla." Neil said softly when Tieria had composed himself.

"You can't go down there."

"I have to be sure."

"Then I'm going with you."

"You've got to get back to space."

"What? You're leaving me behind?"

"You're too valuable."

"Neil!"

"Tell me I'm wrong," Neil looked him in the eye and Tieria wanted to.

"What would Feldt say?" Tieria asked instead and Neil's conviction wavered. Tieria wordlessly took the binoculars back and braced himself for what he was going to see. It didn't help but he pushed his human sympathies and feelings of sickness to the back of his mind so he could analyze the situation.

"It looks like the forces moved in from the south and drove the people back against the river and the town where a second force lay in hiding. Caught between the two the people of Yangang fled east to the mountain and were caught in the crossfire. If anyone survived it was because they swam the river and took refuge in the factory. Let's start our search there."

"Tieria."

"You're not leaving me behind." Tieria handed back the binoculars and turned toward the car. Neil gave in with a small fleeting smile. He followed Tieria and tried to focus on the little hope they had.

The two men approached the factory on foot. They opted not to try for cover but approached with their weapons concealed and their hands empty.

"No one's shot us yet," Neil noted when they made it to the barbed wire fence around the factory.

"That could mean no one survived."

"Yeah but barbed wire doesn't break like that naturally," Neil noted and pointed with his cane. Tieria went first through the hole in the fencing and helped Neil after him. They made their final approach and entered the burned out shell of the factory.

In the shadow of the standing wall it was dark and it turned the burned out machinery into menacing silhouettes. Little but the bones of the building stood over the first story but those creaked and hung above their heads like a cage. The sound of shuffling rocks and ashes alerted them that they weren't alone.

"Shuāngshǒu jǔguò tóudǐng," A voice ordered them harshly.

"Tieria?" Neil made to turn around but he froze when cold metal was pressed against his back. He heard Tieria take a quick breath of surprised but the other man was on his blind side, just out of his view. Neil cursed softly.

"Ānjìng!"

"Alright, alright!"

"Ānjìng xuēruò!" The voice repeated. Tieria finally spoke up.

"Hépíng, wǒmen shì bùshì nǐ—," he tried to say but a cry of pain and something hard connecting with flesh cut him off.

"Tieria!" Neil tired to turn but the cold metal was shoved harder into his back. Without a split second of indecision he pivoted on his heal, dropping his cane and grasping out for where he knew the gun would be. His hand caught only a metal pipe and he looked into the eyes of a child instead of a killer clutching the other end. He saw Setsuna, dead eyes and determination in the place of the young Chinese boy and his hand on his pistol hesitated.

"Hùn zhàng!" another figure who'd been in his blind spot came up on his left and Neil dodged back too quickly, landing on his bad leg and it gave under him, the second swing of the pipe caught his side and he cried out, falling to the ground.

"Méiyǒu bù shānghài tā, wǒmen zài zhèlǐ bāngzhù!" Tieria yelled. Neil's attacker, a boy only slightly older than the first, advanced on Neil with fire in his eyes and the pipe raised.

"Tíngzhǐ!" Tieria yelled.

"Zheng!" A woman's voice cried out at the same time and a blond figure grabbed the boy. She smacked him hard across the face. "Nǐ wèishéme zhèyàng zuò?"

"Hilla?" Neil asked. She glanced down at him then back at the boy.

"Huí dào lóu xià!" She told him firmly. The boy spat on the ground but turned away and grabbed the smaller boy before disappearing into the factory ruins.

"Neil!" Hilla cried as she dropped down beside him, "What are you doing here?"

"Thought you might be in trouble."

"Neil!" Tieria limped over and dropped down beside his lover. "Are you stupid, taking on two armed men in your—"

"Lecture me later, Tieria," Neil replied as he swatted away Hilla's hands. "We need to know what happened here." He looked at the Doctor who could only stare at the charred and blackened floor.

"You should come downstairs. I'm afraid we don't have much to offer you."

"I'm just glad I don't have to tell your father how you died," Neil replied. His adrenaline and relief were making him light headed and easing away the pain in his side.

"How did you know I was in trouble?" She asked.

"A bit of luck and a bit of guess work," Neil admitted with a laugh.

"Let's get you downstairs." She said with a shake of her head. She helped him to his feet. Tieria handed him his cane and they shared a look. Tieria slipped his hand into Neil's free one as they followed Hilla, each taking comfort in the other's presence.

.o0o.

"It was a riot." Hilla explained when Neil and Tieria were sitting down in the partially burn out office under the factory. It had become a makeshift home for the nine survivors that accompanied Hilla. "I don't know how it started but I think there was help. The army had come with supplies. I was in the middle of a surgery when it started. Somehow the power shut off and the darkness only made people crazier. I lost my patient and went out looking for help. By then they'd started with the gas. I remember running, people everywhere. Then there were gunshots and I just kept going." Hilla shook her head and shuddered.

"I found Shu on the other side of the river," She motioned to a strong looking old man sitting in the one real chair. "We stumbled on Yun and Jeng soon after." She motioned to the girl at her side and a teenage boy with a wicked gleam in his eyes seated on the floor beside the old man and eyeing Hilla. "Hun-Qui found us and brought us here where he was gathering survivors." One of the three adult males looked up when he heard his name and held his wife close. Besides him there were the two boys who had attacked Neil and Tieria, their uncle and a man sitting alone in the corner with a serious and intent expression. Hilla introduced them all.

"When was the riot?" Neil asked.

"Three nights ago."

"Damn."

"All at the same time," Tieria noted.

"What do you mean?" Hilla demanded and Neil explained how they'd learned she might be in trouble and what had happened to Romeo 9. She mourned for her friends, crying silently while the young girl Yun tried to comfort her. The small Chinese girl was shaking though and looked as much in need of comfort as Hilla. Neil stood up and moved to sit on the other side of Hilla and took her hand.

"Neil, there's more," She said and held his hand firmly, "I heard the soldiers yelling. They weren't Chinese or from anywhere in the HRL."

"What? AEU soldiers?"

"No, they sounded American."

"What would Union soldiers have to do with this?"

"I don't know."

Neil frowned. "Regardless, we're getting you out of here." Neil replied.

"Not without them." Hilla motioned to the other survivors.

"Hilla, they wiped out that camp. They'll be looking for survivors."

"Why do you think we're still hiding here? They've had patrols around every 6 hours. Just get them across the boarder."

"Alright. But boarders don't seem to protect anyone anymore."

"I can't leave them here."

Neil sighed. "I think I know someone who can help."

.o0o.

Neil and Tieria returned from their trip to the nearest town where it was safer to make phone calls with a heavy load in their trunk.

"Well?" Hilla asked as the car pulled up to the fence around the factory.

"My friend came through. They'll be here with a Mobile Suit escort in a few hours to take your survivors out of here. And there's more." He got out of the car and limped to the back, opening the trunk to reveal boxes of food and bottles of water and juice.

"Nǐ de wàiguó péngyǒu dōu méiyǒu nàme zāogāo," the wicked looking teenager said with a grin. He and the solitary man from the corner had accompanied Hilla to the meeting spot.

"He said you're alright," Hilla translated with a big smile. "Thank you, Neil."

"Ràng wǒmen jiè cǐ gěile biérén. Yídòng gǔshòurúchái!" The man smacked the teenager and picked up as many bags as he could carry. He gave Hilla a glance before heading for the hole in the barbed wire. The teenager grabbed the rest and hurried after, nearly drooling. Tieria came around the car as the other's left.

"Our transport will be waiting just over the ridge."

"What?" Hilla turned to Tieria.

"How are you going to explain your involvement? You can't tell them, 'Don't worry about me I'm going back to Celestial Being's space station.'" Neil said softly.

"But they need me," She pointed back toward the factory. "I can't just abandon them after—"

"This wasn't your fault. You've done everything you can for them." Neil insisted.

"This shouldn't have happened to them."

"This is what we're trying to prevent!" Neil insisted. "This is what happens when a country cares only about it's wars. This town is just as much a victim of war as those that become battlefields."

Hilla shook her head.

"You can't fight this with Gundam. This isn't something you can shoot!"

"No," Tieria cut off their argument. "This is something that has to be changed in the minds and hearts of people. That is what the Gundam are for. People will change because we exist."

They stared at him.

"You really believe that?" Hilla asked him, arms limp at her sides and all the exhaustion of her ordeal on her face.

"Yes."

"Maybe you're stupid, or naïve but what ever it is I with I had it. I just don't." She bowed her head. "Let's go. I miss my father." She sniffed and wiped her eyes without looking up.

"Yīshēng!" a female voice cried and Yun, the young girl came running up. "Qǐng bùyào líkāi wǒ!"

"Yun!" Hilla looked at the young girl in confusion. "Shuí gàosu nǐ dào zhèlǐ lái ma?" The girl's answer made Hilla smile.

"Alright," She turned to Neil and Tieria. "I'll leave but she comes too."

"What?" Neil's eyes widened. "How are you going to take her to space?"

"Maybe I won't but what future can you see for a girl who escaped a brutal massacre because she was being brutally raped?"

"That little bastard," Neil growled and reached for his gun.

"Stop it." Tieria said and held Neil back.

"You're going to let him get away with it?" Neil demanded.

"There's nothing I can do. You can't go imposing your justice on him."

"That's exactly what I can do." Neil growled. "That's what I've been doing since I joined Celestial Being. Why stop now? The sick fucker deserves more than..."

"Neil!"

"Fine. But I'm telling Klaus. They'll give the boy a good beating at least." Neil limped back to the drivers seat as the others piled in. As they crested the ridge that hid their transport from the factory valley Neil saw the specs in the distance coming over the far hill, three mobile suits in formation. He smiled grimly and turned them down into the valley toward the waiting craft.

.o0o.

Six hours later they stood on the platform of a train station again. Yun and Hilla had new clothes and short showers. They were on their way to the Celestial Being hideout in the southern HRL. From there they would go to the Orbital Elevator and back to Krung Threp. They stood in relative silence as their train pulled in. Yun asked a few questions in hushed Chinese which Hilla answered patiently. Finally it pulled to a stop and started boarding. Tieria took the first steps forward then stopped and turned to Neil who hadn't moved. He stood for a moment just looking at Neil's brilliant blue eye and the way he leaned on his cane.

"You're not coming." Tieria noted.

"No."

"Why?"

"Isn't it obvious."

"Neil, you should see now more than ever—"

"Tieria," Neil cut him off and cocked his head to the side as if asking, _do you really think having this conversation again will change anything?_ Tieria closed his mouth.

Neil stepped forward, put his hand under Tieria's chin and bent down to kiss Tieria lightly, tenderly and slowly. When Neil pulled back his eye was glassy and he gulped dryly.

"For luck," he whispered.

"For luck." Tieria agreed.

"They're closing the doors," Hilla told him and tugged him away regretfully. "Goodbye Neil, thank you again," the doctor told Neil.

"Don't worry about it. Be safe."

Tieria turned away and boarded the train, only turning back when the door was closed and looking at Neil, standing alone on the platform. Neil lifted a hand and smiled.

"Smile back," Hilla said softly behind him.

"Why?" Tieria asked, it was the last thing he felt like doing.

"In case this is the last he sees of you. Don't let it be sad."

Tieria raised his hand and forced the smallest of smiles before the train lurched, gathered speed and Neil disappeared. Tieria dropped his head and the lie fell off his face. Silently they found their seats and sat down. Yun fell asleep against Hilla's shoulder almost immediately as they train rocked on toward the pacific. Tieria watched the window without seeing past it.

"Are you mad at him?" Hilla asked. "For staying?"

"No. He wouldn't be the same person if he didn't." Tieria admitted and wished knowing that would ease the ache in his heart.

Hilla put her hand over his and smiled at him when he turned to her. It was a soft understanding smile. He nodded and leaned against the window, letting his own exhaustion overtake his tired mind.

* * *

[AN: A free hug from Mokuna to anyone who can spot the Tsubasa reference. XD]


	7. Chapter 65

Side Story: Sheng's Debt

"A twenty," Jay said, putting the money down on the table. He grinned with the ease that alcohol lent him and pointed across the room to the two young women sitting at the bar.

"Ok," Alexi said, skeptical. "Go ahead."

"I will."

"Alright then."

Jay hesitated. "Back me up?" He asked the man next to him and Lyle shrugged. He swirled the last of the beer in his glass and looked at it expectantly. It remained dark and unhelpful.

"Yeah, I'll come," Lyle said and stood up, following Jay to the bar.

"Another for me, oh, hello," Jay pretended to just notice the girls as he came up beside them, too close to be casual, "and seconds for the ladies, on me."

"No thanks," The brunet said, the red head rolled her eyes and they turned back to their conversation.

"Give it up, mate," Lyle cut in with a thick Irish accent, "I haven't seen that look since I left home but it means, piss off."

"A fellow Irishman then? Where abouts are you from?" The red head asked.

"Dublin, though I haven't seen the place in years."

"We're from Roxboro outside of Limerick."

"Real country girls then?"

"On one side of the family."

"It's good to hear a familiar accent, makes me feel almost at home. Excuse my friend, he's an ok bloke." Lyle punched Jay playfully.

"And please accept the drinks," Jay replied, moving closer to the brunet. "I've a soft spot for pretty women with erotic accents."

"Excuse me?" The brunet asked, leaning out of her seat to get away from Jay.

"Come on, it's a compliment."

"Tell your friend, to back off," The red head said angrily.

"Really, he's harmless," Lyle said, leaning on the bar beside her.

"Promise," Jay said and leaned closer, reaching out for the brunet.

"Don't touch me!" She jumped out of her seat and Jay's arm shot out to grab her.

"Come doll I wasn't gonna—" Someone spun him around and he saw the shadow of a fist before it connected with his face. The brunet let out a shriek and clung to her sister as Jay fell to the floor under the bar and stayed there. Lyle took a minute to figure out what had happened.

"Hey," He yelled and advanced on the attacker. One second the man seemed to be standing straight and the next he'd dogged Lyle's fist and thrown his own in return catching Lyle under his ribs. Lyle went down, holding back bile and reeling.

"Apologies for scaring you," the attacker said to the women in a heavy chinese accent.

"No, thank you."

"Give him one on us."

"Many thanks." High heeled shoes clacked against the floor as the girls left. "Another and water." A man came to stand beside Lyle and a strong hand hooked under his arm, pulling him forcefully to his feet and leaning him against the bar. A cup of water was put in front of him and he then got the chance to look up at his attacker properly.

The man was chinese, with a tanned and lined face that didn't look like it would fit a smile. His eyes were dark and thin, as if he were perpetually squinting into the sunlight.

"Drink."

"Why?"

"It will help clear your head."

Lyle pushed the water away he reached over and picked up the man's drink and drained it. He winced as it went down. The man didn't even blink as the glass was placed back on the table.

"What do you want? Why not leave me on the floor?"

"My name is Sheng, I owe your family."

"My family? What? Hang on, I've seen you around…" Lyle shut his mouth before he said Kathrons and just stared.

"I owe my life to the man who shares your face," Sheng said then bowed to him and walked away leaving Lyle standing over Jay as he groaned and rolled over on the floor.

"What the fuck was that?" Jay grumbled.

Lyle wasn't paying attention, his hands were gripping the edge of the bar and his knuckles were white. Somehow he'd always known that Neil was alive but it was the first word he'd had of his brother in nearly a decade. It made him feel small, like Neil was still watching him over his shoulder and it pissed Lyle off.

"Get up, you arse." He growled at Jay and strode away toward the exit. He didn't feel like drinking anymore, he felt like fighting. He wanted to find his brother and punch him hard in his smug self-assured face. But Neil was just a phantom, a ghost who was better off ignored and a memory better left forgotten. Lyle pulled out his pack of cigarettes when he got outside. He quirked a small smile as he lit the first one. As he blew out the smoke into the night he smiled. Neil would hate that he smoked.

* * *

[AN: Sheng is the solitary man from Yungang who sent Yun out to Hilla before Hilla left. He's a kind of side character I took a liking to. He joined Kathrons and might show up again in Season 2 to kick ass. :D]


	8. Chapter 7

Chapter 7: Miscommunication

.o0o.

Tieria tried not to sigh when Mileana came speeding over to his table with Yun in tow.

"Erde-san!"

"Yes Mileana?"

"_Yun has something to tell you,_" She said in accented chinese.

"Alright," Tieria turned to the young girl. She was rather pretty once she was cleaned of ash and dirt and her hair was brushed and braided down the back of her head. She still rarely smiled and watched people suspiciously but Mileana ignored these things and insisted they were friends. Yun was completely won over by the brunet and they'd started to teach each other their native languages.

"Doctor Stadler, like to speak to you?"

"Would," Mileana corrected, "Would like to speak to you."

"Ah, would like to speak to you soon."

"_She said important," _Mileana added in chinese.

"_She said it is important," _Yun corrected in a soft voice.

"Oh right! _She said it is important!"_ Mileana smiled at her own accomplishment. "Erde-san? When will the simulator be done?"

"You're not allowed to use the simulator."

"But it's soo much fun!"

"It's not for fun!" Tieria stood up with his half empty tray. "I developed it to accurately assess the theoretical limits and capabilities of the 3.5 generation models. You may watch the first test runs tomorrow."

"Yay!" Mileana grinned. "When you're done can I try, please?"

"No."

"Please? I promise not to tell Papa you let me."

"You are not very good at keeping secrets from anyone, least of all your father."

"I never told him about that time I tripped the airlock system."

"You what?" Ian Vashti appeared behind his daughter with a terrified and angry expression on his face.

"Oh," Mileana fowned and covered her mouth. Yun's eyes became nearly round and she leaned away from the father and daughter.

"_They'll yell for a few minutes but nothing will come of it,_" Tieria told her as he left. Yun looked at him fleetingly and nodded. He could hear the family argument rising in volume as he left the cafeteria.

In Med Bay Hilla was running system diagnostics of her machinery and looked up when Tieria entered.

"Hillary Stadler," He greeted her.

"Tieria," She gave him a tight smile. "Mileana and Yun found you easily enough."

"They seem to be getting along well."

"It's good for Yun. I was afraid she'd be intimidated by space but I think the change of scenery did her good. One day she'll come to terms with what happened to her but she shouldn't have to right now, she's so young."

"What was so urgent?"

"Well… Have you heard from Neil?"

"No," Terira tensed. Neil had been all but silent since he left, sending an email each week. It was just enough to assure Tieria he was alive. He said he was getting close to something but that was the last message Tieria had received five days prior.

"He called," Hilla explained and moved into her office, Tieria followed.

"What did he want?"

"Well…" She pulled up the recording and Neil's face appeared on the screen. It was troubled, his brown hair was dark with sweat and clung to his forehead. Behind him was a dirty wall and an empty window. Hilla pressed play.

"Hey, Doctor Stadler. Hope I'm not bothering you too much. I don't know when this message will reach you. I've gotten myself into a bit of a situation." He winced and the muscles in his left arm tensed. Tieria got a sinking feeling in his stomach. "I'm in – Africa. I was—well it's a bit of a long," Neil paused and gritted his teeth, "story. I was hoping you knew a doctor in the area, someone who won't ask to many questions. Get back to me quick as you can on this line. Thanks." Neil reached for the video with his right hand then paused. "Oh and don't tell Tieria. He'll just worry." Neil clicked off the video and the screen with blank.

Tieria realized he'd been holding his breath and he was shaking.

"I have a friend in the area. I gave Neil the location and I sent a message ahead of him. Andy owes me and she'll keep it quiet."

"Idiot," Tieria whispered. "I'm going!"

"Tieria!" Hilla grabbed his arm before he could turn away.

"Thank you for telling me," Tieria said over his shoulder.

"Tieria!"

"Don't stop me," He warned her darkly.

"I wouldn't dream of it. Just take this." She pressed a bottle into his hand. Tieria looked down at it.

"They'll help him recover. I told him his body would have a harder time recovering from serious injuries, he'll need the extra boost." Tieria's mouth fell open.

"Thank you." He said to her.

"Your welcome," She said with a smile. Her joy turned to pity and sadness as Tieria disappeared. As much as she wanted her friend to be happy she was afraid Neil would never be able to give that to him. Tieria would always worry about Neil and Neil would always give Tieria reasons to worry. She hated people like that. Hilla turned away from the door and tried not to think about Sumeragi and too many sleepless nights worrying about the wrong things.

.o0o.

_Neil was running, stumbling, then running, then stumbling but never moving fast enough. His right leg burned and throbbed and every time he put weight on it and he wanted to scream out at the sky in pain and frustration. He ducked under the brush, his leg gave way and he tumbled into the dirt, rolling down hill out of control. His back suddenly met open air and he fell, clamping his mouth shut at the last moment and landing with a thump. He gasped in shock and pain, a silent scream came from his mouth and then there was only darkness. When the dark world came back to him seconds or hours later he felt pain radiating from his left side and right leg. _

_Footsteps, heavy boots in the underbrush warned him not to move and he lay still, hidden by the short scraggly plants of the narrow rocky ravine. Panting breathing came nearer and nearer. Neil held back a groan, tried in vain to slow his own breathing and his panic. His side burned and his leg throbbed. He could feel warm liquid seeping down his hip and his thigh, across his back and dripping off into the dust. His breathing was shallow as he listened to the footsteps nearing his hiding place and the breaths of his pursuer just as labored as his. _

I'm sorry Tieria, _was all Neil could think and he saw so clearly, as if it had been only moments before the painfully forced smile on his lovers face as he waved through the glass of the train window. Neil blinked away the image as the footsteps came nearer and fought back tears of grief and guilt. The soldier came around the bend and Neil watched him with a wide eye and a pounding heart as he looked around, with wider eyes that saw little. The soldier jumped at his own noises, cringed and clung to his rifle. He was sweating and jittery. He paused just beside where Neil hid and breathing quickly looked around in panic. The Soldier's eyes fell on Neil's hiding place and stopped there. Neil's heart paused in it's race. The Soldier gagged and feel to his knees, puking into the dirt, bent over and still holding his gun with both hands. Gasping and panting the soldier stood, fumbled with his canteen and then moved on. _

_Neil lay still in the bush a moment longer but he couldn't stay long. He was dizzy with blood loss already. He had to keep moving. He fought against pain and nausea to stand. He stumbled in the opposite direction. From far off a noise like a high pitched squeal of an engine belt started to grow as it approached quickly. A breath of wind hit Neil's face then the shape flew over head, blooting out stars and moon, throwing darkness over Neil and the ravine._

Neil gasped into wakefulness, eyes flying open and snapping to focus on the cracked plaster ceiling and the wooden beam construction that showed through the chips. He felt the rough woven blanket under his arms and the fresh scents of Lavender and honeysuckle flowers mixed with disinfectant. He sighed as he remembered where he was. His heart stopped racing and the adrenaline of the memory faded. Neil rubbed his eyes and turned to the window to see what time of day it was.

What he saw instead stole his breath away. The most beautiful man was sitting in front of the large glassless window that was crisscrossed with wires supporting a honeysuckle bush that wound across the expanse. The evening sun shone through the leaves and flowers to fall on purple hair and catch on the rims of wire framed glasses. Tieria held a holoscreen in his hand but he was looking straight at Neil, deep burgundy eyes dark and shadowed but intent as always. _I'd forgotten how gorgeous he is, _Neil thought. For a moment they just stared at each other.

"Neil."

"Hilla told you didn't she?"

"Of course she told me, idiot!" Tieria frowned and Neil braced himself. After a few moments of silence he dared to speak.

"What? No lecture."

"I don't feel like it anymore," Tieria said blandly and got up from his chair, depositing the holoscreen on the seat he moved to Neil's bed. He sat down on the edge and turned Neil's head by his chin as he looked down on his lover. Neil tried to image what Tieria was seeing. The scars on his uncovered right eye socket, the scratches cross his face scabbed over and crusted. The stitches in his left ear where it had been slit and the bruising on the right side of his neck and cheek.

"Dr. Brune said you will heal and Hilla sent these for you. They should help." Tieria pulled a bottle out of his pocket and put it down on the table beside the bed.

"You didn't have to come all the way from space," Neil said honestly.

"Would you rather I didn't?" Tieria pulled his hand back but Neil caught it in his own.

"No," he said firmly and tried to prop himself up. His side exploded in pain and he gritted his teeth.

"Neil," Tieria hurried to helped the other man sit and found himself nearly embracing Neil, their faces inches apart and Neil's breath hitched in his throat. Slowly he pulled Tieria closer wrapping the smaller man in his arms, ignoring the pain in his side and his bad leg and just feeling Tieria holding him equally as tight. They clung together for a long moment, unwilling to lose the physical connection.

"I worried about you." Tieria whispered against Neil's shoulder.

"Yeah? I thought about you too, all the time."

"I wanted to be mad at you for staying here."

"I thought I should be mad at you for wanting me to leave."

"I'm not though."

"No, neither am I."

"But what were you doing Neil?" Tieria pulled away to look into Neil's good eye.

"I took a risk."

"For what gain?" Tieria demanded, his hands gripping Neil's arms.

"This," Neil reached onto the table where his wallet was laying and opened it up, pulling out a piece of a gasket.

"What is this?" Tieria ran his fingers over the metal.

"Measure it."

"What?"

"Measure it." Neil passed over a small bendable ruler from inside the wallet and Tieria put it up to the piece. His eyes widened.

"This is…"

"Custom."

"But this is Celestial Being's standard."

"Yes."

"Where did you find it?"

"There was more but that's the only piece I managed to grab. I was—busy."

"What were you doing?"

"It's a long story. Remember those guys I called back in Yungang?"

"Kathrons. I looked into them. They oppose the Washington World Peace Agreements and the plans for the World Federation. They're trying to raise anti-federation support but even they know those plans were approved quietly nearly a year ago." Neil nodded as Tieria spoke.

"That's half the reason Kathrons dislikes the plans, they were decided arbitrarily by leaders without the consent of the people."

"World unification is Celestial Beings goal. It is the first phase of the plan and essential to the eradication of armed conflict. If it was left to the world population to decide it would take decades to come to this point."

"That doesn't mean these changes should be forced on people even if they will benefit the people in the end. It's those nations outside of the Federation that will suffer the most."

"You agree with Kathrons then?"

"I admit I'm sympathetic to them," Neil shrugged and winced as it pulled his healing wound. Tieria frowned and returned to the original topic as the current conversation was going nowhere.

"What does this have to do with the gasket?"

"I'd gotten word of a joint AEU Union operation in the area. There's an old Kathron's base nearby and I had strong suspicions that was the target. So I set myself up to observe from a nearby outcropping."

"I assume you were correct."

"Yeah. Kathrons had outdated solar powered suits that didn't stand a chance against the new GN models."

"It sounds like a waste of time."

"Then I saw these," Neil picked up the holloscreen on the bedside table and pulled up a picture he'd taken. Tieria studied the boxlike machines in the image and scrolled through the others Neil had gotten.

"Automatons."

"Yeah, deadly ones too." Neil growled in disgust and anger.

"I'm not surprised."

"Well I was. They were attacking unarmed noncombatants in transport vehicles."

"Is that what you were doing?" Tieria put down the screen and stared wide eyed at Neil. "You were injured because you were protect Kathrons?"

"Yes, no."

"That was stupid and reckless, Neil. How could you endanger yourself to protect terrorists?"

"They aren't terrorists and I wasn't being reckless or stupid by shooting down those things!"

"You involved yourself in an armed conflict without—"

"I was protecting innocent lives—"

"Members of a revolutionary radical group—"

"Radical? Since when are civil rights radical?"

"There was no reason for you to be involved in that—"

Neil snapped and grabbed Tieria roughly, covering the other man's mouth.

"Will you let me finish?" He asked. Tieria's wide eyes narrowed into a glare but he nodded. Neil let him go and put his hand over his now burning and throbbing side. Tieria watched his lover, anger becoming worry and opened his mouth to speak but true to his word Tieria remained silent, frowning instead and balling his fists. Lockon went on with his story.

"I knew I was out of the Automatons range and after my first shot I had around seven minutes before the Army forces found me. I got off four shots and made it back to the road before I was discovered. They never came looking for the car so I got away totally clean."

Tieria's brow furrowed and he frowned deeper.

"That was a week ago. I didn't get shot until two days later when I heard that the Kathrons group survived despite the Automatons that were left and the Army Mobile Suits. I had Wang Lui Mei check that the pilots returned to base but they were all declared KIA on the same day as the attack."

"But who interfered?"

"That's what I went to check out. I didn't realize that the army was still patrolling the area. They tried to bring me in for questioning when they found me. That's how I ended up like this."

"What did you find?"

"That gasket and a few other pieces among the debris like it that must have come off in the battle."

"You think it was a Gundam?"

"What else could it be?"

"But…"

"What?" Neil sounded hopeful.

"Celestial Being wasn't anywhere near here at that time."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes," Tieria lifted his chin, insulted. Neil just smiled, lost in his own thoughts.

"Then it was him."

"Who?"

"Setsuna."

"Setsuna F. Seiei, you think he's still alive?"

"Setsuna's too stubborn to die."

"I do not need to point out the flaws in your logic."

"No you don't. I'd like to hope it's Setsuna whatever logic says. If he's out there with Exia then we'll find him again."

Tieria cracked a small smile, chuckled to himself and shook his head.

"What? Tieria, what are you laughing at?"

"You, humans, you're all so… illogical."

"Is it such a bad way to live?" Neil asked.

"I'm not sure," Tieria said honestly and brushed his fingers over a cut on the back of Neil's hand.

"Don't worry about this," Neil said casually. "I'll heal just fine."

"You could have died out there, Neil."

"It wouldn't be my first scrape with death."

"No. That doesn't diminish it's validity."

"You're going to try to convince me to leave again."

"Yes." Tieria's face was determined.

"I won't."

"Fine."

Neil raised an eyebrow then sighed when Tieria's face didn't change.

"We will just have to agree to disagree," Neil said.

"We will do no such thing." Tieria frowned.

"Alright then. Are you going to be mad if I stay?"

"No."

"They I won't be angry you want me to leave."

"Fine."

Neil smiled and pulled Tieria close saying, "come here," and pulling the purple haired man down onto the bed with him. They cuddled close together and remained silent for a long moment.

"We haven't done this in a while," Tieria noted.

"No, not since Paris."

"Yes."

"Those are good memories right?" Neil asked, remembering eating crepes beside the Seine, feathers in Tieria's hair and the pink sweater he'd worn.

"Of course," came the mumbled response against his neck.

"Sleepy."

"I—haven't slept much since Hilla—" Tieria cut himself off.

"I tried to save you a little worry."

"I wish you hadn't."

"Ah, Hilla's a good friend."

"Neil—"

"I can't promise I won't do it again."

"No, I guess I can't ask that of you."

"Yes you can. I just won't lie to you."

"Alright. Just stay in contact please, Neil."

"Should be easy for a while. I won't be going anywhere until the border relaxes."

"Actually our transport will arrive tomorrow morning."

"Transport? How did you manage that?"

"Our escort has some rapport with AEU officials."

"Wang Lui Mei."

"She's offered you a place to stay for as long as you need to heal."

"Normally I'd decline but I'm feeling a bit tired. I'd appreciate it. Will you be there?"

"I—I can't stay long. Development is…" Tieria trailed off.

"It's alright. You should go where you're needed."

"I want to stay." Tieria said it as if he surprised himself.

"Is that bad?"

"No. Just painful."

"Yeah. I know what you mean." Neil held his lover closer and they curled up together. That's where Dr. Andy Brune found them a few hours later, side by side on the small bed, sound asleep.

.o0o.

Tieria's grainy image appeared on the screen, his purple hair shining in the light of the computer screen and the room behind him dark. He was wearing the slightly peeved expression he got when reading intelligence reports, somewhere between frustration and disgust.

"Tieria—"

"You shouldn't have done that." Tieria cut him off and Neil frowned, dropping any pretense of civility.

"What?"

"It was not your place—"

"To prevent a massacre?"

"Your favoritism has gone too far. I've said this before. Your attempts to prevent conflict will do nothing to further the plan or the state of the world."

"Fuck the plan."

"There is nothing _but_ the plan."

"Saving innocent lives!" Neil contested in an angry exasperated voice. "We don't have the ability to intervene in armed conflict so the best I can do is prevent it!"

"Preventing it will not address the root of the problem. Celestial Being is not the play ground chaperone of the world!"

"No, we're the school masters who never listen to excuses and punish everyone equally."

"That is a more apt—"

"But we can't do that now."

"That does not justify providing confidential information to Kathrons!"

"Kathrons are good people. They just want to protect the nations the Federation is bullying."

"They are not as well intentioned as you might think?"

"You're judging them? You hypocrite. After the things Celestial Being has done, the things we've done you think you can judge them for taking up arms? What makes us different from them?"

"Lots of things."

"Like what? Gundam? The GN Drives? Veda? Cause the way I look at it we don't have any of those advantages anymore."

"We have the plan."

"The plan!" Neil laughed harshly. Tieria glared.

"The plan will be obsolete eventually."

"There were provisions even for this…"

"The plan was part of Veda right? Well we've lost that. Who's giving orders now? You?"

"I…" Tieria trailed off.

"You've got no right to criticize me."

"Neil! I understand—"

"Clearly you don't!"

"I—I can sympathize but I think your charity is misguided."

"What about Kathrons makes you so uneasy?"

"It's easy for an organization like theirs to… cross lines."

"Cross lines? What does that mean?"

"There's an incident you should look into. I've attached the relevant information."

"What's this about?" Neil demanded and Tieria hesitated to respond. He pressed his lips together and pulled back a little.

"The Federation Navy Ship Carolina sunk off a the coast of a small Island in the pacific while in pursuit of three Kathrons vessels, the Junebug, the Quiang-Bo, and the Viceroy. The crew of the FNS Carolina have all been declared deceased."

"Big surprise their ship sunk."

"Ophan Zeta sent us a report on the incident based on the account by Captain M. Reynolds of the Junebug. There are some disparities."

"Disparities?"

"I'll leave you to interpret them as you will."

"Hey, Tieria…" But it was too late the video link terminated and Neil was left staring at a blank screen with a bad taste in his mouth. He checked his watch, 20 seconds left on their time window, not enough to call back.

Neil cursed colorfully at the computer. He stood up and paced a few steps then grabbed his cane and limped into the kitchen of the unfurnished apartment he was renting under the table for a few days in cash. He tried not to think about how he'd finished things with Tieria as he prepared his 2 a.m. snack. Nothing looked appetizing and it tasted worse. Neil abandoned food and went back to his computer.

He opened the departure reports for the four ships and the arrival papers for the three that returned. There was the crew roster for the FNS Carolina, 3,194 people who never returned to their families. Neil read over the official Federation incident report with little interest because everything on the form was lie from the ship's capacity (2,300) to the ship's location when it sunk (North Pacific between the Sea of Okhosk and the Bering Sea). Their Kathrons source, known as Ophan Zeta, was slightly more reliable and Neil pulled up his report. It was written as a stream of consciousness but it was detailed, including information about the Captain himself and how he spoke of the incident. Neil finished the report inclined to believe Reynolds but it brought up questions.

According to the captain there were crewmen on the deck who were able to launch the lifeboats before the ship sunk after it ran into the remains of a battle ship from the 21st century in the shallower waters near the Island. The survivors were stranded without hope of rescue so Kathrons took them on board the Viceroy. There was a debate among the captains as to what to do with the survivors. None of the ships had the food to provide for the prisoners until they reached their destinations where they could release them. The Captain of the Quiang-Bo suggested they leave the prisoners on the island but none of the ships could maneuver the rocks to get close enough to shore and the life boats would be smashed to pieces. It was decided in the end that the Viceroy and her Captain Wyn McKay, would take the prisoners to the nearest port and release them with a warning that there would be no hero's welcome for them at home. As far as Reynolds knew the prisoners were released when they reached the port in Fiji.

Neil frowned at the screen before flicking it off. He limped to his bed and sat on the edge rubbing his right leg, feeling the scars through his pants. He looked outside at the starless dark sky and imagined what the clouds must look like, dark and threatening. He picked up a bottle off the nightstand and emptied out the last pill. He swallowed it dry and lay down. Tieria's words swam through his head while he tried to remember what it had felt like to run his hand through silky purple hair and feel Tieria's even breathing on his chest. All he could feel was the oppressive humidity, the rough bedding and the pain in his leg and shoulder.

.o0o.

Neil slid into the booth beside a scrawny seaman with sun bleached blond hair and a burn scar over one of his dull watery blue eyes. The man jumped when Neil sat down and scooted away from his new companion.

"Nathaniel Bowers, you're a hard man to find."

"W-what? Do-don't know who yer'—"

"Right, you prefer to go by Jonny, Jonny Smith."

"Th-that's my name."

"Let me buy you a drink Jonny."

"N-no. I-I should be—"

"We need to talk about the Viceroy." Neil said seriously and just as Jonny looked like he was going to make a dash for the door there came the metallic click of a gun cocked to fire.

"P-please I-I won't talk I promise."

"You misunderstand me, Nathaniel. That's exactly what I want you to do. Did you think McKay sent me here to silence you?"

"W-well… No." Nathaniel lied. He was shaking from head to toe, there were deep circles under his bloodshot eyes and his cheeks were flushed. He was dirty and haggarared and smelled of stale alcohol.

"Course not, why would he want you silenced?"

"Don't know," Nathaniel lied again.

"Wouldn't have anything to do with why you jumped ship in Fiji would it?"

"I-I didn't. I missed the ship."

"But the Tyler left port before the Viceroy."

"We-well…"

"And you weren't signed onto that crew."

"N-no. Th-they just…"

"Why did you jump ship?"

"I-I had to."

"Does this have something to do with the Carolina?"

"The—the Carolina?"

"There was a woman on board, a single mother with two children in college. She worked on deck as a technician. She was a red head with one blue eye and one green. There were two men from the same small town in Idaho who both worked on the bridge, one as a radio operator and one as a navigator. They went to the same high school. There was a young woman, 21 on the crew who was serving her time to pay for a college education so she could take care of her parents in their old age, she was the first in four generations to graduate from High School. All of these people would have made it to the lifeboats in the four minutes and 36 seconds it took for the FNS Carolina to sink. They would have been sitting huddled, wet, scared, injured in the cargo hold of the Viceroy just under your feet. Should I go on?"

"N-no" Nathaniel whimpered, he was curled up on himself in the shadowy booth and bitting his lips, his nose dripping clear mucus down his lip.

"You're not a violent guy are you Nathaniel?"

"No-no. They made me keep quiet. Cap is like that. You do what he says and… and that's all… I was just getting by. I liked the work well enough with them but… but I never signed up for that! I- I'm just a gear head. I just work the engine. I-I'm not- not involved."

"What happened to the survivors?" Neil said softly and stared down Nathaniel with his good eye. Nathaniel just shook his head and sniffed loudly, holding one knee with a knobby dirty nailed hand.

"I-I didn't have—have nothing to do with that."

"Nathaniel." Neil tried to be patient.

"They just left them… left them floatin' there…"

"Where?"

"Don't know. We was half a day out from the island. Cap said it weren't fair that they live so—so they all agreed."

"You agreed."

"I wasn't bout to end up in those boats too."

"So you kept quiet?"

"What was I to do?"

"Get out!"

"W-what?"

"Get out before I decide to shoot you!" Neil growled. Nathaniel scrambled over himself to get out of the booth. Neil watched him stumble across the bar, nearly hurl, then make it out the door of the smoky establishment.

Neil shook his head and put away his gun, it wasn't even loaded. He pulled out the recorder and flicked it off. Staring at the grimy tables where the strokes of the last half hearted wash were still visible in the grease he tried to imagine what it would look like, 150 people in long orange lifeboats floating in the middle of the pacific without sight of land as the only other vessel in a hundred miles disappeared on the hazy horizon. He thought about Alelujah, who'd nearly had a panic attack when he first took Kyrios for a test run and the propulsion system had shut down. The boy, only 14 at the time, held himself together until Neil arrived in a transport to pick him up. There in the back of the small craft he disintegrated into tears and moans. Was it any worse to be adrift in space than to be adrift in the ocean? In space you would fall asleep before dying from lack of oxygen and cold. In the ocean the sun would burn you, rob you of moisture, you would starve and die of thirst while surrounded by water hoping to run into land because there was that chance. Wasn't that worse? He wondered.

"You gonna order old man?" A board waitress asked him and pulled him out of his thoughts.

"Stranded in space or stranded on the ocean?" He asked in return.

"What?"

"How would you prefer to die?"

"Look, I don't want trouble just order your drink or leave."

"Fine." He stood and limped away from the dumb woman. Neil made it to the bay side before the pain in his leg made him stop and sit on a bench. From his seat he could see the harbor and the white, red and green lights mapping out the water in the dark.

_Damn you McKay,_ Neil thought. _You had to let it go to your head. Kathrons is better than this! Better than you! _Neil bowed his head. Until Nathaniel had said the words he hadn't truly believed that McKay had chosen to kill the prisoners. Now faced with the truth he had to decide how to respond.

.o0o.

Klause collapsed on the couch. He pulled off his jacket, covered himself with it as a blanket, put the crook of his arm over his eyes and relaxed into the blessed darkness. Before he could even drift toward sleep his phone vibrated against his leg. He cursed it sitting up and pulling it out violently, answering without checking the number.

"What?" He said harshly.

"Tell me you didn't know."

"What? Who is this?"

"Your friend from Yungang."

"Romeo Devin?"

"The FNS Carolina survivors, tell me you didn't know."

"The Carolina?"

"150 survivors, noncombatants, technicians and soldiers alike."

"I don't understand."

There was silence on the other end of the phone. Klause had the sinking feeling that Devin was making up his mind about something.

"What happened to the survivors?" Klause asked. "I was told they made it to Fiji."

"Do you really believe that?"

"Yes. I know the captain. McKay's a good man, dedicated. He's lost a lot."

"Perhaps he's lost too much."

"What do you mean? Are you accusing him of something? Those survivors were silenced by the Federation!"

"You know that for sure?"

"I've seen it before!"

"And it's made you blind."

The line went dead. Klause slowly lowered the phone and replayed the conversation in his head, trying to figure out what Devin was thinking. The strange ally had first come to his attention when he heard about the man from his old friends in Romeo 9. When Romeo 9 went down Devin contacted him about the survivors in Yungang. They'd had a few more exchanges of information including a major tip off to evacuate their bases in India just before a major sting operation. He was thankful for the tip off that saved his comrades but he felt a personal debt to Devin for that assistance.

"Klause," A voice pulled him out of his thoughts and he smiled at the woman in the doorway.

"Shirin." He stood up and took two steps before she threw herself in his arms. He held her tight and breathed in her smell mixed with the smells of indian curry and the stink of the road. He sent a silent thanks to Devin, whoever and wherever he was for bringing this one comrade back to him.

.o0o.

Roc Androvini threw back his drink and called for another. The bartender looked him over debating weather to provoke the large tipsy man by refusing or putting off the confrontation and hoping an even drunker large man wouldn't interrupt his business too badly. He filled Roc's drink and moved on.

"Pussy," Roc muttered.

"Guiness," a newcomer said to the bartender as he took the empty seat directly beside Roc, one of many empty stools along the bar. Roc glared.

"Thanks," The man said as his drink came across the counter and smiled at Roc when he caught the large man glaring. Roc looked over the new comer, his cane, eye patch and casual clothes. He shrugged. He didn't mind punching a cripple but if the man was silent he'd let it go. For a few minutes he was and Roc went back to his drinking. Two glasses later that newcomer talked.

"Do you see that man, the one in the blue and red raincoat?"

Roc glared at the newcomer.

"He's right over my shoulder," The one eyed man said.

Roc flicked his gaze to the red and blue coat and the man who was chatting with a few locals amicably.

"I'll pay you two hundred dollars to break his leg. Up front."

Roc stared at the cripple. "Got it on you now?"

"Of course."

"Then what's to stop me from breaking your leg and taking the money?"

"I thought you might say that," the cripple smirked and Roc heard a gun cock under the table. "That's a gun pointed at your crotch. You'll just have to take me at my word that I'm a good shot. 'Cripple defends himself against a three time assault convict,' makes a good headline."

Roc frowned.

"Course you could just walk away."

"You've got balls, I'll give you that. Hand it over and I'll cover your drink with your own cash."

"Thanks."

The cripple finished his beer and stood, leaning against the cane. As he walked past Roc felt a gun barrel against his side then a weight fell into his pocket. The barrel was gone and the cripple was limping away looking like any other innocent patron.

Behind Neil there was a scuffle a few drunken yells and then a scream of pain. Neil flinched as he heard it but the door was already closing and it cut off the sounds of the scuffle inside.

.o0o.

Klause knocked on the door of Brandon Myles' hospital room.

"Yeah?" Came the response from inside and he entered. Brandon, an amicable guy with a questionable sense of humor but good intentions, was propped up in bed with one leg wrapped in plaster and the remains of a bruise under his right eye. He had a remote in his hand and the television on.

"Klause!" He cried when he saw his leader and friend. "Didn't think I was important enough to get a personal visit! How long has it been?"

"Since Dubai I believe."

"Ah Dubai! That was fun."

"In a loose sense of the word."

"What brings you here?"

"The Viceroy," Klause explained in a word pulling up a chair and sitting down heavily with a sigh.

"What about it? I know it was a good gig but McKay and I wouldn't have gotten on well. It's almost—"

"McKay is dead. The Viceroy sunk two days out of port."

"What?" Brandon dropped the remote and sat up. "How? We had a perfect weather window."

"No one knows but it hasn't been seen or heard from since."

"No way! I was supposed to be on that ship. If it wasn't for…" Brandon trailed off.

"What?" Klause pressed."

"Well… it's this card." Brandon reached over to the table on the far side of the bed and brought over a card. It was white card stock embossed with a simple D in the center and delivered in a white envelope without postage. Klause flipped it open and looked down at the words written there in neat handwriting: It was a small price to pay –Romeo D.

"It came with enough cash to pay off the hospital bills. I didn't know what it meant but could it be—I mean maybe my breaking my leg wasn't random."

"No. I don't think it was."

"Really?"

"I have to make a phone call." Klause stood up.

"Hey Klause!" Brandon called after him as the man left but Klause didn't turn and Brandon couldn't get out of bed for the cast.

Outside the room Klause leaned against the wall and rubbed his eyes. _McKay you idiot!_ He thought and despite himself he mourned for the murderer. He pulled out the memory stick and the matching card from Romeo Devin. It had arrived just after the news of the Viceroy's disappearance with the words: Be careful who you trust. It was signed the same way. The memory stick had a recording and enough information to prove Nathaniel Bowers was telling the truth. _God Damnit! _Klause crumpled up the card and shoved it roughly into his pocket. Whoever Romeo Devin was he wasn't afraid to take action himself and he'd made his point clear: I'm watching you.

_If I ever find that bastard I'll put a bullet in him for every man who died on that ship,_ Klause promised himself. He turned away from Brandon's door and strode away. In the mean time he was going to pay more attention to his people. He wouldn't let another man like McKay drag Kathrons into the dirt and dark grays of morality. If they were ever going to succeed they need to keep themselves above such actions. Romeo Devin wasn't any better. As far as Klause was concerned he was as much a terrorist as they were, if not more.

.o0o.

Tieria heard the computer and rolled over in bed. He stared at the blurred image of the notice flashing on the screen and listened to the obnoxious ring tone. He knew it was Neil again. Five nights now he'd woken up to the sound of that ring tone as Neil tired to get through in the short window they had for voice calls. Tieria tried to rationalize the situation, that he really shouldn't be angry with Neil but it didn't stop him from feeling hurt. Neil was being stubborn and stupid about this, disregarding Tieria in favor of the questionable organization that seemed to be against Celestial Being's goals in every way. Tieria frowned and turned away from the computer. Sooner than he would have expected the ringing stopped. A new noise came from the computer. Tieria sat up and shoved on his glasses to read the notice: 1 New Voice Message. Tieria frowned. He pulled off his glasses roughly and lay down again. Growling at the darkness and cursing Neil Dylandy, Tieria got up a minute later and opened the message on his computer, pulling on his glasses again.

Neil's face filled the screen. He looked better than he usually did, well showered and clothed. He appeared to be in a decent hotel for once as well.

"I'm starting to get a bit hurt, Tieria," Neil said in the recording with a forced smile. It dropped quickly. "Look I know we ended things badly last time we talked. I should have sent a message before now but I've been… busy." Neil hesitated and looked away. "I did look into that matter you contacted me about. I've attached the important information. I hate to say it but you were right." Neil looked back and sighed. "There I said it, happy now?" Tieria frowned. "I don't know what you think of my actions towards Kathrons, good or bad but I can only do what I think is right. Anyway, I heard about something strange at the Florida Air Base so I'm headed to the United States. I'll keep you updated until you tell me to stop." Neil reached up in the video to turn it off but he paused. "Tieria, I—" Neil shook his head before finishing softly, "I'd like to hear from you, that's all." The video ended.

Tieria sat in his seat for a long moment staring at the black screen. He pulled up the call system and dialed Neil. After a few minutes the message came up: Call Failed. Tieria sighed. He didn't bother trying to sleep again. Instead he opened the in progress plans for the 00 Gundam and worked half heartedly until Day Cycle. He couldn't seem to make any progress because all he could think about was Neil's face, sad and lonely in the recording. Tieria resolved to call as soon as he could, any residual anger he felt toward Neil had faded and he was left with guilt in it's wake. He sighed and closed the plans. _Why is being human so complicated? _He thought to himself and wondered if even Veda had the answer to that.

* * *

[AN: Well here we are at pg. 84. I just realized that I'm less than 20 pgs to a hundred. I've only written one other piece that was this long, it was well longer but it took me years on and off working on it but this was just a few weeks in the summer. Sheesh, anyway, Onward!]


	9. Chapter 8

Chapter 8: Cooperation

.o0o.

Neil trudged up the last few stairs to his short term apartment. He'd only meant to be in New York for two weeks. He was coordinating with a few other Celestial Being operatives and double agents in the city, some of whom were working against each other in their respective day jobs. It had made the whole affair a cop show drama and far more drawn out then he wanted. Working multiple sources though he'd made progress. He'd spent the past few days tracking down three hackers who had been employed by the biggest arms dealer in the city (who was secretly a Celestial Being agent working to stamp out more dangerous competition and control the inflow of weapons to the city) to steal information from a private military company (which was infiltrated by three Celestial Being informants who were all obnoxiously competitive with each other). His hackers had found the information they'd stolen was worth more than they were being paid and tried to skip town. Despite Neil's best efforts the theft was reported to the authorities to complicate the situation. Neil had to prevent his targets from being captured by the Federation Intelligence Agency without losing them himself and convince both sides not to send their cleaners after the hackers. In the end it was worth the effort.

Neil closed and locked the door behind him, sighing in relief. He leaned his cane beside the entry way and limped to the single table in the studio apartment. Sinking into his chair he pulled out the memory stick, the results of his work. He turned on the computer, plugged it in, and got to work on his report to Tieria, a small smile on his face.

To his surprise though he was interrupted by an incoming message, dated just a few hours after he'd left his apartment the week before. Neil clicked it open and smiled at Tieria's face on his screen. The message started and Neil's frown dropped when he heard Tieria's serious tone.

"Neil. I've received some distressing news. I've attached the information for you. Please respond quickly."

A knock on the apartment door interrupted Tieria.

"Just a minute," Neil called as the recording continued.

"I know we have disagreed about—"

The knock came again, louder this time.

"Hang on!"

"—You asked that I tell you if there was anything—"

The knocking continued and Neil didn't even respond.

"—I took that as permission to continue monitoring—"

The knocking became pounding.

"What the hell!" Neil hit the pause button and limped quickly to the door, wrenching it open. "What?" He asked before he caught sight of the man on the other side.

Tieria lifted and eyebrow as Neil's expression transformed from anger rapidly into confusion then recognition which bleed into joy.

"Tieria!"

"I assume you haven't gotten my message."

"I—I was just—I've been busy." Neil stammered as he tried to comprehend why Tieria was in front of him. They hadn't seen each other in person since they were at Wang Lui Mei's Mansion months ago.

"Then we need to talk." Tieria brushed past him. Neil reached out, catching Tieria and shutting the door in the same motion. He lifted his hand to Tieria's face and bent to kiss his lips fleetingly.

"Missed you," He whispered before pulling away and moving back toward the table. "I have some information for you as well. I was just writing the report."

"It can wait."

"Hey, I've been working very—"

"Kathrons has been infiltrated by the FIA."

"Federation?"

"Yes." Tieria came over to the table and stared to pull out his equipment.

"What happened to not interfering?"

"These FIA agents will bring down Kathrons at any cost, even civilian lives."

"What?"

"There's more," Tieria glanced at Neil then went back to his machines astutely.

"Well?"

"Lyle." The name sent a tremor through Neil.

"What about him? He isn't—" Neil trailed off. Somehow he'd always thought he'd know if Lyle died, he'd feel it. People laughed at the idea of telepathic twins but Lyle had been waiting outside the principles office when he got off the phone with the police. Lyle had known somehow that his brother had been in trouble. Even before that Neil knew before being told that Lyle had gotten into a fight at school. Neil balled his fists and braced himself.

"Lyle is alive as far as I know. I've never known where he is currently only where he's been after the fact. As you know, he disappeared from public records in January of 2309. He's spent the past two and a half years working for Kathrons."

"K-kathrons?"

"It's not surprising."

"N-not surprise—He went to business school. Now you're telling me he's… a revolutionary?"

"A mobile suit pilot to be exact."

"What? In a solar powered suit? Fighting GN Tau powered Gundam? What does that idiot think he's doing?"

"I suspect his motivations are—"

"Forget his motivations! That's suicide!"

"How different is it from your situation. You are part of a terrorist organization that has incurred the wrath of every major power and currently possesses a limited number of outdated machines."

"But that's…that's not the life I wanted for him!"

Tieria leveled Neil with his blankest inhuman expression.

"Don't tell me I'm being illogical," Neil grumbled.

"Then I will say nothing at all," Tieria replied and started typing away on his machine.

"What do we know about the FIA Operatives?" Neil said in a tired voice. His mind was still reeling at the news. He just couldn't image his brother picking up arms and diving into a losing battle. Tieria's words from Paris came back to him, _He seems to have found something he finds worthwhile. If he's like you he would not be happy doing anything else._ Neil knew the words were true so he pushed aside his selfish worries and focused on what Tieria was saying and keeping Lyle safe in the only way he could.

"I received this email from Ophan Zeta three days ago," Tieria typed away with one hand and turned one of his screens with the other, displaying a short email:

_To: 8437423733_

_From: 674269382_

_Date: 26.35_

_Subject: Communication 1783-6_

_Subjects as follows:_

_Faium/Ber Haraldsson _

_Hong Kong/Caspian Reier _

_Yerevan/Klause Grado _

_Naples/ Micajah Pasternack_

_Will contact with names_

_OZ_

Neil frowned as he read.

"They are targets and locations," Tieria explained, "just minutes after this message was sent Ophan Zeta was killed." The email was replaced with a news article from Faium Egypt describing a shootout in a city dinner that left no witness.

"How do you know?"

"He never sent a follow up email and the device he used traces back to the Faium police station since the night of the incident. Ber Haraldsson, an organizer and one of the original leaders of Kathrons was killed inside."

"So the agent got his target."

"Or 'her'. I have narrowed down the list of suspects to two women who were in that area." Two faces appeared on the side of the screen, a red head with a spattering of freckles and a middle eastern woman with brown wavy hair and glasses. "Moyra Winters and Shirin Bakhtiar."

"Then the other three?"

"No overt moves have been made against them."

"And we don't know when they'll strike, damn. We don't even know who these agents are or how many there are." Neil tapped on his knee as he looked at the news report still on the screen. He just kept reading the line: _49 dead_. He realized suddenly that Tieria had been quiet for a whole minute he looked up to find red patient eyes watching him intently.

"Why are you looking at me?"

"I have no justification for assisting Kathrons further than sharing the nature of the threat with them but seeing as I am unfamiliar with the organization I could merely be tipping off the FIA agents and furthering their plans."

"You would really help them?"

"I—I did not mean to give you the impression I disapproved of their existence only that—"

"Tieria, you don't have to rationalize it. Just say what you mean."

Tieria frowned a little and hesitated.

"I thought given this information you would assist Kathrons and I intend to support you."

"Is that why you're here?" Neil asked.

"I was due for Earth Rotation within the next month and if you were to take drastic action I could be of assistance and prevent unnecessary risks from being taken."

"You don't have to protect me."

Tieria looked back at his screens quickly.

"Thank you," Neil stood and took Tieria's hand in his own.

"Neil I—" Tieria trailed off as he looked up into Neil's one bright blue eye. "I thought you would be angry with me."

"Angry?"

"We never talked about the Viceroy incident—"

"What is there to say?"

"I'm sorry I—" Tieria was cut off by Neil's fingers pressing lightly against his lips and Neil shook his head.

"There's nothing to be sorry about. You did the right thing." Neil released Tieria and turned away, walking toward the kitchen. He busied himself with the coffee pot. Tieria followed quietly, leaning against the doorway.

"You limp less than you used to."

"Yeah, time in gravity has helped."

"Does it still hurt?"

Neil hesitated then shrugged.

"Hilla would prescribe you—"

"I'm fine."

Tieria frowned.

"What are we going to do about the FIA agents?"

"I have a Celestial Being agent in Hong Kong watching Reier and Pasternack won't be in Naples for another week. Going on the limited information that we have I am assuming that the assassination will happen at the given place. That gives us time with Naples."

"And Klasue?"

"I have no tactical suggestions."

"Damn."

"Do you know him?"

"Yeah, in a way. He was an old member of Romeo 9 before they got wiped out. I've contacted him as an old friend of the group before."

"You had personal contact with him?"

"Relax, I never let it lead back to me, much less Celestial Being. Klause is a good man."

"So you have been lead to believe."

"What does that mean?" Neil glared at Tieria.

"You have made errors in your judgment before."

"What? If this is about the Viceroy incident—" Neil crossed his arms.

"I'm merely stating—"

"I already said I made a mistake. I—" Neil shut his mouth quickly and clenched his jaw. He looked down at the floorboards before he continued. "I've thought a lot about that since it happened." Tieria recognized the far away and bitter look in Neil's eyes. It was the same look he had in Ireland.

"McKay wasn't so different from me," Neil continued only loud enough to be heard over the soft gurgling of the coffee pot behind him. "He lost his father and his son to that fight."

"Does that excuse what he did?"

"No. But by the same reasoning my loss doesn't excuse murder either," Neil said still looking at the floor and walked toward the dinning room again, passing Tieria. The purple haired man just stood in silence as he considered those words and remembered Ali AlSaches, the man who had come so close to taking Neil away from him. There would never have been Paris with feathers in his hair, Ireland where he saw so much of what made Neil who he was, or their stolen moment in the conference room because of a lost memory stick. _How could he deserve life? How could stopping a man like that be wrong?_ Tieria thought.

"Neil, he was different! That man you killed was…"

"Don't rationalize it Tieria," Neil cut him off turning just past the doorway to glare at Tieria. "I don't like lies. I'm a hypocrite but at least I'm honest about it. My hands are covered in blood, have been for a long time. It's no new revelation." Neil turned away and sank back into his chair.

"I wonder," Neil said after a moment, "If McKay felt guilty. I almost talked to him before I sank the Viceroy. I wanted to ask, 'Do they ever come to you in your dreams and what do they say?'"

"How would you answer that question?" Tieria asked hesitantly and regretted it immediately.

Neil was silent. The coffee pot beeped in the kitchen.

"Would you get that?"

"Sure."

Tieria left and returned with two steaming mugs and the aroma followed in his wake. Each took a sip and nodded their approval.

"Coffee is better in gravity."

"Yes it is. I miss some things about space," Neil said with his blue eye intent on Tieria, "the coffee isn't one of them."

.o0o.

"I don't like this," Shirin frowned as the truck bounced along the old road.

"I owe him."

"What Klause? After what he did to that ship! You can't just excuse that because he's a friend of an old friend."

"No. I've sworn to put a bullet in him for ever comrade we lost that day."

"Who's to say he won't kill you?" Moyra spoke up from the back seat.

"I don't think that's his intention. He had his reasons for killing McKay. I have a clear conscience so I doubt he's coming after my head. More likely he's trying to convince me of something."

"I don't like it," Shirin said.

"I don't either," Moyra agreed, "but Devin has always given us good and vital information. In our current state I don't think we can afford to lose him as an informant even if his aid is a double edged sword at times."

"I doesn't mater, we're here." Klause pulled the car up to the burnt out ruins of what had once been a hotel on the outskirts of Yerevan. For a moment he let the truck idle in the circular driveway that once lead to the front door of the building. He saw nothing, no sign of life so he shut it off. Shirin's hand found his on gear shift and she squeezed it. They each braced themselves in their own way and got out.

"Klause Grado." The three Kathrons members turned. From around the side of the building came a thin figure with straight shoulder length purple hair in adrogenous jeans and a white T-shirt. Glasses obscured the figures eyes, catching the afternoon sun and reflecting it back at them.

"Who are you?" Shirin demanded leveling her weapon. The figure stopped.

"You're not Romeo Devin," Klause noted.

"No."

"Where is he?"

"He won't be coming."

"What?"

"I said this could be a trap," Shirin hissed.

"You should have listened to her," Moyra replied. Shirin heard two guns cock and saw the flash of sunlight off the barrel as it raised toward the stranger before she heard the crack and felt the impact. Her eyes fell on the smaller firearm in Moyra's left hand and looked up the barrel in horror.

"Shirin!"

A second far away bang echoed as Moyra crumpled like a rag doll and the cold pistol in her right hand hit the dirt beside her. Klause caught Shirin as she crumpled. She held her side and stared blankly at the sky.

"Hey, what's going on?" Klause yelled at the stranger.

"That was Devin. Moyra Winters was an FIA agent who infiltrated Kathrons to eliminate yourself and Ber Haraldsson."

"Ber… she was in Faium."

"As was Shirin Bakhtiar. We had to be sure who it was."

"Klause," Shirin moaned in his arms and he turned to her, eyes darting to the red seeming around her fingers.

"Take her to the hospital."

"I—you saved my life." Klause stared at his savior.

"Be careful who you trust in the future." Tieria turned away and walked back around the building toward his waiting car. Behind him he heard scuffling in the dirt, Shirin's muffled cry of pain and then the sound of the old truck rattling to life and skidding back onto the bumpy road toward the city.

It was an even bumpier ride in the rented jeep up to hill to Neil's sniper nest. It was nearly dark by the time Tieria pulled up beside the large boulders where he had dropped Neil and the sniper was perched uncomfortably on a smaller rock, his rifle propped beside him. Tieria parked and got out. As soon as his feet touched the ground Neil was striding over with purpose, barely a limp in his step. He grabbed up Tieria, one gloved hand roughly holding Tieria's head and tugging at his hair.

"Idiot!" Neil crushed Tieria to his chest, "that was too close."

"Neil!" Tieria tried to push away and breath.

"Don't you get it?" Neil let him pull back but kept a firm grip on Tieria's arm with his good hand. "You're not in a Gundam. One bullet could kill you!"

"I knew you were watching."

"I nearly didn't make it in time! I was focused on Bakhtiar. If I'd been any slower—" Neil took a sharp breath and bit his lip. "You scare me to death sometimes! Don't they program you with self preservation?"

Tieria just stared open mouthed in surprise. _Does it bother him so much that I was in danger? This isn't the first time I've been statistically close to death. Do I really have less self preservation? Do I worry less about dying? I don't want to die._ The last thought was so strong it made him stop to wonder. _When did I decide that? _

"Is that such a hard question?" Neil asked, his hands releasing their tight hold and coming up to cup Tieria's face.

"I want to live."

"This is a life worth living?" Neil asked blue eye holding Tieria's unnaturally red ones. Tieria remembered waking up in Krung Threp and pulling through layers of unconscious with one thought, _Neil._

"Yes."

Neil bent to capture Tieria's lips and the smaller man responded with passion and urgency, pulling his body close to Neil's. Neil nearly stumbled backward before tipping them toward the jeep. Tieria fell against the hot, dusty side of the car but he never broke away from Neil. Somehow they made it into the back seat curled together, tasting salt on each other's skin. Tieria fought Neil for control winning over the older man and claiming him with kisses and touch, feeling Neil breathing hard and moaning his name. Tieria drove them back to the hotel where Neil picked up where they had left off in the desert and switched their roles on Tieria. It was a sweaty passionate night that marked a change in both of them.

Neil woke up the next morning and when he turned to Tieria he didn't wonder why his lover was still there. Tieria woke up when Neil shifted and he didn't feel like an intruder. Tieria felt human.

.o0o.

"There they are!" Mileana's shrill voice was the only warning before the small brunet slammed into Tieria's side, her small arms wrapping tightly around him. "Erde-san!"

"Hello Mileana," Neil greeted her.

"Hi Neil," She smiled. "Where have you been? Erde-san never tells me anything about what you've been doing. I want to know!"

"Oh it's mostly boring, Mili-chan. There were a few fun parts though. I'll tell you about them some time."

"Alright. Erde-san, are you coming back with us? Papa really needs your help."

"Mileana!" Ian came up behind her. "What is wrong with you?"

"Papa, look. Neil came too!"

"Neil? Oh!" Ian caught sight of the old Meister and smiled wide. "You should have called. I haven't heard a word from you in… could it have been years?"

Neil chuckled then said, "I think you've been working too hard."

"Can't stop. We're on a tight schedule."

"How did the initial 00 tests go?" Tieria asked.

"Terribly!" Ian groaned, he scratched his hair like he did when he was frustrated.

"Mileana," A new voice joined the group.

"Oh! Linda!" Ian forgot Gundam in a split second and turned to his wife.

"M-mama!" Mileana's words came out as a half sob as she threw herself into the arms of the kind looking blond woman.

"My little girl, you've grown!" She said with a laugh and then smiled at her husband as he pulled both girls into his arms. Neil smiled wide at the family. There were few as happy and complete as the Vashtis in Celestial Being. Unbidden his eyes slid to Tieria and wondered what kind of family they made for each other. Both orphans of a kind, alone in the world, clinging to hope and fighting for survival. Was there ever happiness like the Vashti's had for the two of them?

Neil realized Tieria was giving him a questioning look and cracked his charming smile. Tieria's curiosity became suspicion.

"Are we going to the river house?" Mileana asked excited.

"Of course!" Ian replied.

"It'll be like old times," his wife assured their daughter.

"But Erde-san and Neil can come too right?"

"Yeah, yeah, they're coming," Ian replied.

"We've already—"

"Please Erde-san!" Mileana cut off the purple haired meister.

"Only if it's not too much trouble, we don't want to intrude," Neil said to Ian and Linda.

"Don't be silly," Linda laughed. "The river house is more than big enough for all of us."

"Then we'd love to come."

"Alright." Tieria agreed flatly.

"Yay!" Mileana jumped and made her little skirt flap. "Come on, come on! No wait!" She stopped pulling Tieria's arm and pushed him back beside her parents and Neil. From her small purse she pulled out her phone and held it up to take a picture.

"Smile big for Yun!" She said.

"Come on, Tieria," Neil said with a hand on Tieria's shoulder. Tieria's eyes flicked up to Neil's and the soft contented smile on his lover's lips, a genuine smile unlike the dazzling grin he'd pulled earlier. Tieria felt his lips twitch as he thought, _how backwards. It's the small smiles that mean so much more._

The light of the camera flashed.

"Great! I promised Yun I'd take lots of pictures for her!" Mileana told her mother and pulled her parents toward the exit.

"Remind me to get a copy from her later," Neil said just loud enough for Tieria to hear. "I need a good picture of you."

"Is your memory insufficient?"

"Sometimes I wonder," Neil chuckled and brushed a bit of Tieria's hair out of his face. "Come on, don't want to keep Mileana waiting."

"Why did I agree to this?" Tieria groaned.

.o0o.

The Vashti River House was on the bank of the Saco River in Maine bordered on the south side by the Vasti Stream, as Mileana called it and surrounded by the forest. It was an hours drive from the nearest grocery store and two from pretty much anything else. So the Vashti family loaded up their rental car with everything they'd need for a week or more and gave Neil and Tieria specific directions so they wouldn't get lost trying to find the place. Once on the right road the house was hard to miss. It was a large two story Victorian style building with a green roof, a white painted wrap around porch and vines growing up the sides.

The house once belonged to Ian's grandparents and it was the house his father had grown up in. Since then the house had changed hands many times and ended up in the possession of a small bank used to fund Celestial Being. Ian had the organization hold onto it for him and it became a safe house and vacation home in the interim. It meant a few new things had found their way into the house since the Vashti's left, there were new scuff marks on the walls and a few of the rooms needed airing out but the house was overall in good shape. It was soon full of Mileana's laughter, Ian's grouching, and Linda's soft voice singing or humming as she unpacked the groceries.

That evening Linda cooked roast beef, potatoes with fresh rosemary, sweet corn and asparagus. They all sat down at the large table in the corner dinning room that looked out through the trees to the river and the stream. Ian talked about the Gundam, Mileana told stories about Yun and her learning Chinese, she coerced Neil into telling her about where he'd been in the past year or more. Eventually their plates were clean and Linda set about getting coffee made and putting her daughter to sleep.

"So Tieria said you had something new," Ian said, hesitantly curious.

"It's all old, but it's news to us."

"We just had to put the pieces together." Tieria picked up where Neil finished.

"Alright," Ian leaned forward.

"We've found Exia." Neil said softly.

"Exia!" Ian's eyes lit up. "Where is it?" But the two men were shaking their heads.

"We're working on that. I can tell you where it's been." Neil pulled out a memory stick. "I had to chase three adolescent hackers up and down manhattan to get this but it's worth it."

"What is it?"

"A list of incidents where an unknown un-identified mobile suit has been involved in the exploits of an international private military company."

"Like an intervention?"

"Exactly."

"You think it's Setsuna."

"I'm hoping as much."

"Well then," Ian leaned back. "It might explain an incident we heard about on La Tour."

"At the orbital station?"

"Yeah. They were making extra checks, which is a pain in the ass and that's why we were delayed. Apparently they had an incident with an unidentified cargo container that got launched into orbit without the proper clearance. When they went to retrieve it the container was empty."

"When was that?" Tieria asked.

"About a month ago."

"That was about the time of the last incident," Neil noted.

"We will have to wait and see what comes of this. If it really is Setsuna he had a reason for going to space and he'll show himself." Tieria pulled out his holloscreen and started checking the reports he had yet to read.

"I'd be nice to see the kid again, crazy bastard." Ian muttered to himself. Linda came in at that moment with hot coffee.

"Ian, language."

"Sorry." He said to her with an apologetic smile and took the coffee. He pulled her chair close before she sat down so they could lean together. Neil realized suddenly the couple had been separated for months.

"I'll leave this with you," Neil said and passed over the memory stick. "Come on, Tieria."

"Hm?" Tieria didn't look up from his reports. Neil hooked his good hand under Tieria's arm and pulled the purple haired meister from his chair thinking, _god, he's oblivious._

"Neil!" Tieria allowed himself to be dragged away while Linda giggled.

"That was nice of them," Ian said, his arm slipping down from Linda's shoulder to her waist.

"Oh I think they're cute."

"Cute?" Ian looked at her with confusion. "That's not a word I would use to describe either of them."

"Oh, Ian," Linda shook her head. _God he's dense._ She pulled her husband down for a kiss. If he didn't know she wasn't going to say anything.

.o0o.

"No, no, you're doing it wrong," Ian chastised Mileana.

"I'm doing it just fine!" Milieana returned and continued working astutely on modifying the remote control Flag Ian had gotten for them to play with. Linda smiled at the two, bent over a folding table in the yard. She leaned back in her familiar rocking chair and sipped her iced tea. Beside her the screen door creaked then clacked as Neil came out onto the porch yawning and stretching.

"Good morning." Linda said ignoring that it was afternoon.

"Morning. What's the deal?"

"Mileana said it needed improvements."

"I see," Neil limped over to the chair beside Linda's and stretched out his bad leg.

"Where's Tieria?"

"Um, I don't know."

"Still asleep?"

"Yeah," Neil shrugged and lay back, breathing the clear air of the wilderness.

"He's changed a lot."

"Who?"

"Tieria."

"You think so?" Neil cocked his head to the side as he appraised Linda Vashti. He'd met her a few times before Celestial Being began to make public interventions but all he knew was that despite her age she was married to Ian and she was a very competent engineer. She smiled kindly at him now in a conspiratorial way.

"I've known Tieria all his life. He's changed a lot in the past few years. I'm sure you had something to do with that."

"Me? I guess a little."

"It's nice to see him smile."

"Yeah," Neil remembered the quirk of Tieria's lips even in his sleepy state when Neil placed a warm kiss on his lover's jawline before slipping out of bed. "How did you know?"

"Oh," Linda laughed, "Hilla and I are good friends. She dropped a hint or two."

"Ah yes, Hilla Stadler."

"Don't blame her. I think she's more curious than gossipy. She speaks highly of you and Tieria. I think she just wants you both to be happy."

Neil stared out at where Ian and Mileana were in the yard. Standing back to test their new adjustments. Mileana held the controls and Ian held a long handled net.

"five, four, three," Ian counted down but the machine took off before he could reach one. It shot off the end of the table and straight into the air.

"I can't turn!" Mileana cried and Ian sprang into action running after the toy into the woods shouting. Neil chuckled at them.

"Are you happy?" Linda asked.

"I guess so," Neil sighed. "I don't know what it is, me and him, but yeah, I'm happy."

"That's all that maters."

"Even knowing who he is…"

"If I commented on your unorthodox relationship I'd only make myself a hypocrite."

"You and Ian look normal to me."

"Lots of people wonder though, about the age difference."

"He's a charming guy, you're a beautiful woman." Neil shrugged.

"And Mileana? You haven't ever done the math."

"It was never my strong suite. Besides it's rude to ask a woman how old she is."

"Ever the gentleman."

"I try," Neil leaned back in his chair and watched the father and daughter fixing their toy on the table again, arguing good naturedly. "Mileana's a good kid," Neil noted.

"Yes she is."

"But she's not Ian's is she."

"You've suspected that for a while?"

"Yeah, but it never seemed like a good time to ask."

"It's true, Ian wasn't always Mileana's father but he is now."

"She doesn't know."

"No."

"I see. Perhaps it's better that way."

Linda nodded. She seemed almost about to say something when running footsteps interrupted them. The screen door slammed as Tieria burst out onto the porch.

"Tieria?" Neil stood, worry pulling down the corners of his mouth. Tieria looked up at him and smiled.

"It's Setsuna, I'm sure of it."

"How do you know?"

"I found him. In space."

"Really?" Neil took the offered holloscreen and squinted at the report.

"I thought he would show up at the HRL colony and I was right. The Federation are making some changes there and he was just as curious as we are."

"New armaments on the colony huh." Neil frowned at the report.

"When was this?"

"Two days ago."

"He'll be long gone."

"Perhaps, but it's the most recent lead we've had."

"What's going on?" Ian asked as he and Mileana came up the steps carrying the broken toy.

"We've found him," Tieria said then started to explain.

"Does this mean Neil's coming back with us?" Mileana asked hopefully. Tieria's red eyes snapped to Neil's slightly startled expression.

"He can help us fine tune 006," Ian supplied.

"Lasse's been busy with Arios," Linda added.

"You named it already?"

"I guess we did," Linda shrugged.

"Can I name one?" Mileana asked.

"You'd name it something stupid and girly," Ian told her.

"Would not!"

"You can name 006 Mili-chan," Neil said with a smile. "There's no pilot for it yet but I'm sure the new one won't mind."

"Really?"

"You can't be serious!" Ian stared agape at Neil.

"Yeah, yeah." Neil grinned.

"So you'll come back to space?" Tieria asked, eyes intent on Neil. For a moment Neil considered, looking at Tieria it was tempting to leave gravity and intelligence work behind. He thought about Lyle fighting his own battle somewhere. He considered Setsuna, somewhere in space, alone and still fighting.

"Yes, I'll come."

"Yay!" Mileana threw up her arms and hugged Neil tight around the waist, nearly knocking him over. Ian grinned and Linda smiled softly at the scene. Tieria's smile was all Neil could see though, the brightness behind his glasses and the ease in his shoulders. As the Vashti's piled in to the house for lunch Tieria caught Neil's elbow.

"Thank you," He whispered.

"Tieria," Neil stopped, "I was always coming back."

"You've been gone a long time. It was only supposed to be a few weeks."

"I guess things got messy."

"They always do on the surface." Tieria slipped his hand into Neil's as they went inside. Neil gave it a squeeze and smiled to himself. He was looking forward to more time with Tieria.

.o0o.

"Come on Erde-san!" Mileana dragged Tieria through the zero gravity of the low orbital station. "Isn't it pretty?" She pressed her face against the observation glass and stared down at earth below them. A great storm was coming together over the ocean making flowing cloud patterns across the blue and white surface.

"It looks even better from a shuttle," Neil commented from beside Tieria. _Or a Gundam,_ they were both thinking.

"I could stare at it forever," Mileana breathed, creating fog on the glass just inches from her face. The three stood watching the earth for a long moment.

"Looks like the shuttle should be on time," Ian said, coming up behind them. "Lasse's piloting so he'll make it here without getting lost."

"Ian," Linda came up behind him, "My shuttle is here."

"Already?" Her husband gaped.

"Mama!" Mileana threw herself into her mother's arms.

"Don't worry. I'll be joining you soon." She said to her family. Neil turned away to give them a minuet. He found Tieria was staring across the large open terminal and he followed the other man's gaze.

"Oh," He said with interest and moved closer to his lover to get a better view.

A young man in a polo was bent down on the magnetic floor before a red headed woman. She was looking out the window at first and jumped in surprise to see her companion down on one knee. He held up something to her, holding one of her hands while she covered her mouth with the other delicately.

"Marriage is an outdated institution," Tieria said dryly.

"I wouldn't say that," Neil caught his lover's elbow, keeping him from moving away as the woman nodded vigorously and her red hair made a halo around her head in the low gravity. Her new fiancé radiated joy, his shoulders relaxed and when he stood there was excitement and purpose to his actions.

"Marriage is a public declaration of intentions," Tieria quoted from a dictionary. "In modern society there are far better methods of achieving the same end."

"It's more than that," Neil argued, "marriage has to be a mutual agreement. No mater what you say publically it's about two people agreeing that they love each other and to spending their lives together despite it all."

"Then what purpose does the public display achieve?"

"Sometimes there isn't one. My parents got married in the back of the church the week after they were engaged. No one knew except the two of them and the preacher."

Tieria opened his mouth to ask another question but Linda interrupted him.

"I'm leaving," She said softly, clearly sorry to interrupt. "Take care, both of you."

"Of course," Neil assured her.

"Good luck with your search."

"If it is really Setsuna we will not need to rely on luck to find him," Tieria told her.

"It couldn't hurt."

"I agree." Neil said with a smile and they both waved as Linda Vashti made her way to the shuttle gate. When Neil looked back at Tieria he could tell his lover was deep in thought. He assumed that it was their search that preoccupied Tieria but it was actually the word love that had the purple haired Meister was musing over. It was a word that literature threw around like a cheep toy but Neil had never said it. It wasn't so long ago that Tieria would have dismissed the concept of love completely. Now he paused and watched Neil as he sat in the co-pilot chair beside Lasse and caught up with him, laughing and smiling easily. Tieria found himself doubting the impossibility of an emotion like love but also the possibility that he could experience such an emotion.


	10. Chapter 85

Side Story: Feldt's Heart (96)

"Neil," Hilla Stadler came up behind the Irishman in the cafeteria.

"Excuse me ladies," Neil said to Feldt, Mileana and Yun, "What can I do for you, doc?"

"I've been hoping to schedule you for a physical since you returned."

"Of course, when's good."

"Why don't you stop by when you're finished with lunch?"

"Alright," Neil stood up with his half empty tray.

"I didn't mean you had to get up right now."

"It's not a problem," Neil assured her.

"Really?"

"Of course."

"Alright."

"See you later," Neil told the girls, "tell your father where I am if he asks."

"I will!" Mileana said with a salute as the pressurized door closed behind the adults.

Feldt stared after them with her hand on her lips.

"I wonder if he likes her," Feldt said.

"Who?"

"What?" Feldt realized suddenly her thoughts had slipped out of her mouth. "Nothing."

"You mean Doctor Stadler and Neil?" Mileana pestered.

"Huh?" Yun leaned over to hear.

"I-it was just a thought. He seemed happy to see her when he got back."

"He was happy to see you too," Mileana put it.

"Yes but, she's so pretty and…" Feldt pulled at her pink hair self-consciously.

"No." Mileana said simply and went back to her food.

"How can you be so sure?" Feldt asked the small girl. Mileana squirmed in her seat and looked at anything but Feldt and Yun who were leaning in with curiosity. It wasn't hard to tell when Mileana had a secret.

"Does this have to do with Ms. Hillary?" Yun asked softly, her English still accented but much improved.

"Well…" Mileana trailed off.

"Does Neil already have a girlfriend?" Feldt insisted.

"Ummm."

"Mileana," Yun took her friend's shoulder.

"It's a secret I promised Erde-san that I wouldn't tell anyone."

"Tieria? What does this have to do with him?"

"Eep!" Mileana gave a startled cry at her own slip up and covered her mouth.

"Mr. Erde? He and Hilla talk often." Yun said and gripped her friend's arm tighter.

"No, no, you've got it all wrong," Mileana shook her head.

"Please tell," Feldt begged. Mileana glanced between Yuns wide brown eyes pleading with her and Feldts simmering green ones full of apprehension.

"Ok, but you have to swear you'll never tell anyone that I told you."

"Swear," Feldt whispered.

"Zài wǒ de zǔxiān de línghún," Yun swore in Chinese.

"Ok," Mileana pulled them both close and grinned broadly. "I was with Papa and Erde-san in the hanger observation room before the long range 008 test run. Papa ran out to make last minute checks and Neil came in. He didn't see me at first."

"What was he doing there?" Feldt asked, remembering the day that Neil had been late to the 006 hanger.

"He was telling Erde-san to be careful."

"Is it that dangerous?" Yun inquired.

"Oh yes! First runs are dangerous, something could always go wrong."

"Neil and Tieria have been fighting together for so long it's only natural," Feldt whispered.

"That doesn't explain why Neil kissed him."

"Tieria?"

"Mr. Erde, but—" Yun covered her mouth and stared with wide eyes at Mileana.

"Yep! And it was so cute! Erde-san got more flustered then I've ever seen him and Neil was so charming. They're totally in love," Mileana gushed, so excited to be able to share her juicy secret. "And that's how I know that Doctor Stadler and Neil aren't in love because Neil's already in love with Erde-san."

"Neil and Tieria," Feldt whispered.

"Mileana," Ian's voice made them all turn. "Come on, your mother's on the phone."

"Mama!" She nearly jumped up but did a double take and turned back, pulling her friends close. "Don't say a word, remember." She winked at each of them then hurried off. Feldt stared at her meal, trying to imagine what it would have looked like, Neil and Tieria kissing. She couldn't picture it. It was easy enough to see Neil kissing Hillary Stadler and even Neil kissing a man but Tieria was unlike anyone else Feldt had ever known. He had always seemed so impersonal.

"Is that normal?" Yun scooted closer to Feldt, "They are both men."

"In some places," Feldt explained. Many first world countries were liberal about sexuality but it there were still laws against homosexuality in highly religious governments, which were more common in less developed nations. Celestial Being was a mixture of people who came from all walks of life with all kinds of beliefs and opinions. Feldt wondered what reactions even someone as well liked as Neil would get if he admitted to having a homosexual relationship. She frowned.

"They are—close?" Yun asked Feldt.

"Yes," Feldt said, "though they haven't always been." Feldt remembered the tension between the Meisters at the beginning. Tieria had been cold and uninviting, unwilling to compromise, deviate from plans or make allowances for anyone. He was quick to insult and slow to change his mind.

"They were in Yungang."

"What?"

"They came to save Dr. Stadler. She convinced them to take me too."

"Neil and Tieria?"

"Yes."

"I didn't know that."

"I should get back to the doctor."

"Alright."

Yun took her tray and drifted away leaving Feldt to her thoughts. The pink haired tactical operator got up soon after and made her way back to the 008 hangar. Her thoughts were still on Tieria and Neil, wondering if that was where Tieria spent his time on earth.

"You're late," Tieria's voice jerked her out of her thoughts as she drifted through the control room door.

"I'm sorry," She said quickly, her eyes wide.

"Please continue updating the software to the new alignment configuration."

"Yes." She quickly followed his instructions and got to work. She tried to focus for the rest of the day. She'd told Tieria the evening before that the Gundam would be in complete working condition that night. As hard as she tried she found her eyes straying to the windows and watching Tieria as he went through the operational checks. Every time she let her mind wander she ended up frowning and thinking about Neil. Could Tieria ever make Neil happy? He'd smiled so little after losing Ptolomy. Ian had told her it was his injuries and he would be back to his old self soon.

Neil seemed himself again after his time on earth. It had been almost two years since he was last on Krung Threp and longer since that Fateful Battle. Some days the memories weren't as strong and Feldt could go nearly a day without morning for her lost comrades. Other days it felt like only days had passed since the Fallen Angel Operation and her hurt was fresh and new again.

Before that battle she had been afraid but looking back it was never enough. She didn't know then how bad it could be, she didn't realize that it was worse to survive alone then to be killed. Now she was afraid even the few people she still had would be taken away from her. So she had resolved that no mater what happened she would support the Gundam Meisters however she could. She would protect the only family she had, Ian and Linda, Mileana, Neil and even Tieria. She smiled a little for the first time. _Yes, _she thought, _Tieria is family._ She paused and wondered when she'd decided that.

She had a hazy memory of a conversation she overheard on Ptolomy just before the second attack. _Perhaps…_ Her thoughts drifted off as she considered what the overheard conversation could have meant to Neil and Tieria. More and more she could see a tenderness in Neil's words and actions towards Tieria that had not been there before.

"Feldt? Is something wrong?" For the second time that day Tieria's voice pulled her out of her thoughts.

"Umm…no…sorry."

"You must be tired."

"M-maybe," She lied.

"I know you worked late on the new systems."

"Yes." Feldt knew blood was rising to her cheeks. She had been working after normal hours on the new systems but it wasn't exhaustion that was distracting her.

"Thank you, for all the hard work. I am anxious to have 008 completed. Krung Threp has no other protection."

"Tieria," Feldt was surprised that he even noticed her work much less thanked her.

"The new Federation forces are moving further into space. We should be prepared for the fight to come even here."

"Here?" Feldt murmured. His words sent a shiver up her spine. She could see the ruins of Ptolomy floating in space, gaping holes and billowing debris clouds so clearly. Krung Threp was her home, her first home, her birthplace, hometown, her parents home...

"That is why it needs to be protected," Tieria said looking at her intently. Feldt gulped dryly. She looked back out at 008, the machine that would protect her home.

"Thank you," She whispered softly, unable to lift her eyes to his because she didn't want him to see her wet eyes.

"Of course." She heard him move away and smiled a little to herself thinking, _he's changed so much. We have both changed because of you Neil. Thank you._ She wanted to tell Neil somehow. She almost blurted out the words when she saw him at dinner.

"How is 008 coming?" Neil asked as Tieria slipped into the seat on one said of him and Feldt took the other.

"It is almost complete."

"As soon as we finish adjusting the system, it will be fully operational," Feldt added after Tieria.

"Ah, so what's the name?" Neil turned to Tieria who frowned and paused with his fork halfway to his mouth.

"We haven't decided on one," Feldt said softly and followed Neil's gaze to Tieria. Mileana turned from her conversation with Yun to interject.

"Neil, you said I could name the new long range unit right?"

"Yes I did."

"I think I've got one."

"Let's hear."

"Cupid."

Ian nearly choked on his meal then loudly exclaimed, "we can not have a Gundam named Cupid!"

"Why not?"

"Because it's—it's—"

"What is cupid?" Yun asked.

"Well…" Feldt trailed off as she tried to find an explanation.

"A vapid fantasy of romance." Tieria put in.

"Hey, I don't think it's so bad," Neil returned, "It's not like I have to pilot the thing."

"Whoever that is will not thank you." Tieria reminded Neil who just laughed.

"It sort of fits."

"How?" Yun asked.

"Cupid is a winged child who shoots arrows that make people fall in love," Neil explained to her.

"Oh."

"Like I said," Ian cried over his daughters pleas, "not an appropriate name for a state of the art mobile suit with the most advanced and accurate long range combat abilities yet."

"Papa! Don't brag."

"What? I'm not aloud to be proud. I've been working damn hard on these machines. Then you go and wreck them." Ian waved at Neil and Tieria.

"Sorry, Ian," Neil said half-heartedly.

"They were designed for combat, it was inevitable that they would sustain damage and eventually be destroyed once they became obsolete."

"Tieria, have a little pity. Even you wouldn't like to see your life's work reduced to scrap floating in space."

"Nor do I like to see Gundam in such condition," Tieria replied. "I'm grateful for the Gundam but their purpose is integral to the machines themselves. I see no reason to think of them as anything different."

"Be careful, you're starting to sound like Setsuna."

"I have not reached his level of obsession."

"Obsession, more like devotion." Neil shook his head but he and Tieria were both smiling small contented smiles. Feldt had a similar expression pulling at her own face.

"Feldt, is something wrong?" Neil asked her. "You've been staring at me. Is something on my face?" Tieria looked over Neil's shoulder at the young girl. She looked quickly between the two and shook her head.

"No, no. I'm just happy to have you back."

"It's good to back with friends but I can't say I've missed the coffee."


	11. Chapter 9

Chapter 9: Decisions

.o0o.

"_Hold tight," Owen Dylandy said in his son's ear. Neil gripped the fishing rod in his hands. _

"_You remember how?"_

"_Yes, I think so," the young boy bit his lip and tried to remember everything his father had told him last year. _

"_Alright, lets see then," Owen smiled at the boy and watched his son cast the line far and cleanly out into the lake. _

"_Very good."_

"_Thanks," Neil grinned proudly and sat back in the small boat with his line in hand. _

"_Don't let it pull you in now."_

"_I'm not that small anymore, dad."_

"_No, I'm just kidding with you." Owen ruffled the boy's hair._

_Neil focused on the pole, the soft lapping of the water on the sides of the boat, the breeze across the lake bringing the smell of the forest and the warm sun on his head and arms. He smiled softly. The line tugged._

"_I got one!"_

_It tugged harder and Neil braced his feet on the side of the boat. For a moment he was scared. Then the third tug came and it pulled him clean out of the boat. The water came up around him and he was being crushed. _

_Air! Was all he could think but the water was too heavy. He was looking up at his father frowning down at him. _

_No Dad! Dad save me! HELP!_

Neil jerked out of sleep as if yelled at and breathed a shuttering gasp of air. His lungs burned as they heaved to take in air, his heart pounded like he'd ran a mile and his head swam, the dimly lit room going in and out of focus in his vision.

"Neil," Tieria groaned and rolled over, "What is it?" The purple haired Meister sat up and put his hand on Neil's shoulder. The older man could only shake his head. He was trying to calm his racing heart and slow his breathing. Tieria reached across him to the table to get his glasses. He looked Neil over critically, with piercing red eyes that missed nothing, a frown on his small mouth and his breathing shallow like he was bracing against bad news.

"I'm fine," Neil managed to say. His heart was slowing but he was uneasy still.

"A dream?" Tieria asked, brows knit together.

"I—" Neil wanted to say it was because it was an easier explanation. There was a tingling on the back of his neck and weight in his gut that said there was more. "It's not that." He shuddered at the memory of the dream but it was just a ghost of his past.

"Are you sick?"

"No."

"Are you in pain?"

"No, I'm fine. I—I just—" _just have this feeling Lyle is in danger. _The words sounded stupid even in his head so instead Neil forced a small smile. "It's nothing to worry about. Go back to sleep, beautiful." Tieria frowned and raised his hand to check Neil's temperature.

"I'm fine," Neil insisted and swatted the hand away.

"You have lied about your physical health before, forgive me for doubting you." Neil chuckled at Tieria's sarcasm, something he knew should annoy him. He lifted Tieria's hand to his forehead and pressed his palm to the cool skin.

"I'm fine." Tieria still frowned but he let Neil drag him into bed and curled up against his lover's chest before drifting back into sleep. Neil lay awake and tried to ignore the dread he felt. _He can't be. He can't be. _Neil repeated that thought until day cycle woke his partner.

.o0o.

"It should be ready for the next test the day after tomorrow? Lasse won't be back before them, are you sure you want to take over the testing?" Feldt looked up at Neil from her screen. She found him staring into the hangar again at the blank wall behind Cherudim (Mileana's second choice of name).

"Neil," Feldt put her hand hesitantly on his arm and he jumped.

"I'm sorry, I dozed off again."

"You should go rest, you look terrible."

"Oh don't worry about me, Feldt."

"Neil," Tieria came into the hangar control room with urgency. The Irishman jumped up and turned. "There's something you need to see." Neil didn't need anymore prompting, he pushed away from the computer and hurried after Tieria. Just down the hall Tieria stopped and pulled out a small holoscreen displaying a message from Ophan Sigma, their newly recruited source inside Kathrons, and a hospital admissions report.

"That fucking idiot," Neil cursed under his breath as he skimmed the information quickly.

"How did you know?" Tieria asked him.

"I—I didn't."

"This happened last night."

"I—It sounds stupid doesn't it, twins with connected minds."

"I've heard of stranger things."

"Come on, I can't work anymore today." Neil made toward his room and Tieria followed silently. When they were alone together Neil relaxed into the bed and explained.

"When we were young my father would take Lyle and I on trips, each of us on our own. One year he took Lyle camping out in the Wicklow Mountains. One night about two days after they left I woke up—screaming—with this feeling. My mother told me it was nothing but the next morning my father phoned. Lyle had been wandering in the woods just after dark and stumbled across a bear cub. When the mother bear caught sight of him he ran, falling down a rocky slope and breaking his leg."

"You knew."

"That's not the right way to describe it."

"Something connects you."

"I hate it when people say that. Lyle and I aren't special because we're twins."

"It is rare to find two people with identical genetic make up."

"Doesn't make us special, we're just like anyone else."

"I didn't mean—"

"I know."

"You should get some sleep."

"Didn't fool anyone did I?"

"You're a terrible liar, Neil."

"I'll chose to take that as a compliment."

"You should."

Tieria pressed a light kiss to Neil's forehead before he left the room. Neil lay clinging to wakefulness a while longer. Picking up the holoscreen Tieria had left behind he read the line on the admission report again: _Hypoxic hypoxia, partial drowning, extent unknown. _He could so vividly remember his dream of the lake but the more he tried to remember his father looking down at him the more his memories became clear and it was his own face, backwards and undamaged staring back at him. _Lyle,_ Neil thought as he drifted off, _I hope you're safe. I hope you're happy._

.o0o.

"Ah, Tieria," Hillary Stadler smiled at him as he entered her office. "I've been meaning to talk to you."

"About what?" Tieria paused. He wasn't completely sure why he had sought out Hilla that day but he'd found with Sereve's completion he had more free time than he cared for.

"I was preparing a note for my replacement."

"You're planning on leaving?"

"Yes, I just submitted the official report this morning." She looked away quickly.

"Why?" Tieria demanded, his chest clenching at the thought of goodbye.

"Please don't, my father's already come by to try and convince me to stay."

"I was only curious," Tieria lied. Hillary glanced at him fleetingly, pity and guilt on her face.

"Andy Brune is opening a new clinic outside of Suille," She explained softly after a moment, "I'm going to help."

"The federation involvement in that area of the Middle East has been increasingly hostile. It's not a place- ."

"Don't you see? That's why I'm going."

"Your father doesn't approve."

"My father would rather wrap me in a padded blanket. He had a hard enough time accepting that I joined Celestial Being when I ran into him here for the first time."

"Is that so wrong? He is only looking out for your well being."

"Yeah maybe but if my parents taught me anything it's not to let my problems fester," there was a bitter note in her voice, "It rotted out my mother's heart. I'll be damned if it happens to me."

"Your mother?"

"She committed suicide when I was 14. They told me the stress of Army life was just too much for her. Truth was my mother was barely working the year before her death."

"I don't understand. You are not your mother."

"No but I'm too much like her if you ask my father. He loved her even if she hurt him. All through her depression he tried to take care of her. He kept telling me afterward not to blame her. But I guess that's love. My father didn't know what was best for her and he doesn't know what's best for me. So I'm leaving, don't try to stop me."

"I wouldn't dream of it." He quoted her words to him not so long ago. She laughed a little.

"I'm not going to leave that note."

"About?"

"I thought someone should explain… you."

"Oh." Tieria frowned. "It can not be overlooked."

"There's no medical reason they need to know at this point. You're just like anyone else."

"Hilla. I'm—I'm not human."

"You bleed, you cry, you laugh, you have good friends, and even a lover; all that makes you human."

"Lover…" Tieria felt a warm fizzing sensation in his stomach saying the word out loud. Neil had fit the term technically for years but Tieria had never thought of him that way. At the same time he shivered and cringed, he felt warm like Neil's arms were wrapped around his shoulders and cold at the same time.

"How are things between you two?"

"Huh?"

"You and Neil."

"Good." The word came out too fast and Hilla frowned. "Really they are, I just…"

"What?"

"It's nothing." Tieria looked away and turned to leave. Hilla jumped up, reaching out to catch his shoulder and grip it reassuringly.

"You don't have to talk to me about it but you should talk to Neil."

Tieria cringed.

"Don't be afraid to talk to him," Hilla urged with kindness in her brown eyes.

"I'm not. I'm afraid—" Tieria paused. _I'm afraid things will change if I do. I'm afraid I'll change if I do._ Tieria shook his head and turned away. Hillary let him leave watching him go with an uneasy feeling.

.o0o.

"Neil, tell me about your parents," Tieria said softly as he lay in the older man's bed facing the wall with Neil behind him. His partner's breathing ruffled the hair on the back of his neck with each breath and it paused at the question. After a moment Neil responded.

"Why? What do you want to know?"

"I'm just curious."

"Well… they were good people. My mother's name was Lindsay, she was an editor, and my father was Owen, he was a mechanical engineer."

"What kind of people were they?"

"My Father was strict. He had high expectations of us but he was always proud of whatever we did. My mother was harder to please because I never knew what she wanted me to do with my life. She was much more like Lyle."

"They taught you about love?"

"Love? Love is something you kind of learn on your own."

"I see."

"Tieria? What's this about?" Neil sat up and looked down at Tieria who stared at the wall.

"What are we, Neil?"

"Huh?"

"Never mind," Tieria whispered and sat up, his back to Neil and pushed himself off the wall out of bed.

"Hey!" Neil caught Tieria's arm. "What do think this is?"

Tieria didn't answer or meet Neil's eye.

"Just sex?" Neil went on horrified, "Cause that's not what this is to me and I know it's more than that for you."

"What does that make it?"

"Does it mater?"

"I can't answer that. I can't answer any of those questions."

"Why are you trying too? Isn't this enough?"

"I don't know." Tieria shook his head.

Neil forced himself to let go of Tieria. He knew in his mind that Tieria just needed space to sort out the thoughts and feelings he couldn't logically explain but it didn't make it any easier to watch Tieria slip out of the room and leave Neil sitting alone on his bed in the dark.

Tieria drifted to his own room just two door down the hall. Inside he let himself float. He knew he should be thinking about all those questions that had kept him awake as he lay next to his lover but all he could think about once he was alone was how lonesome and strange his own room looked. It was an identical mirror of Neil's room but it lacked all the things that make Neil's room comfortable. There were no random things floating off the table, none of Neil's clothes in messy piles in the closet or the smell of Neil. Tieria's room was as foreign and uninviting as it had been the first night back on Krung Threp. It wasn't home like Ptolomy was. Tieria realized he hadn't been back in his room for anything other than a change of clothes since Neil returned from earth. It seemed strange because he hadn't lived in it for more than two months. Tieria bowed his head as it swam with questions and exhaustion. He curled up in the cold bed and missed Neil's warm breath on the back of his neck.

.o0o.

"I'll miss you every day!" Mileana told Yun.

"Make sure to call us." Feldt added.

"I will." Yun nodded. "Thank you both, for everything."

"Take care," Feldt gave the chinese girl a hug and Mileana held them both and cried. Tieria watched them from where he stood next to Hilla.

"She's made good friends here," He said to her.

"Yes, she has. Feldt and Mileana have been wonderful. Yun needs people her own age."

"Is she going with you to Suille?"

"No," Hilla shook her head, "I've arranged for a host family in the UK and enrolled her in school. It'll be hard but… She wants to be a doctor."

"You've inspired her."

"Perhaps," Hilla gave a small laugh. Neil came gliding over to the girls out of the shuttle.

"Alright," he told them, "we're all packed and ready to go." Mileana cried harder and hugged her friends tightly.

"Don't cry, Mili-chan," Neil tried to cheer her up, "Yun'll have lost of fun in school, she might even meet some nice boys." Neil winked at Yun who blushed. Mileana cried harder.

"That just makes me jealous"

"Eh," Neil frowned and backed away from the small girl realizing he'd made the situation worse.

"I'd much rather stay here, Mileana."

"You need to study though," Feldt told her friend. "If you want to become a doctor you have to work hard. We'll come see you on our earth rotations though."

"Then you work hard too Mileana," Yun said with a smile. "You can build Gundam here and I'll become a Doctor. It'll be a competition."

"I'll try," Mileana nodded, still teary eyed.

"I guess it's time to go," Hilla said to Tieria.

"Be careful," He replied softly.

"I will. Thank you Tieria, you've been a good friend." She smiled at him.

"Is that what we are? Friends?"

"Of course." She picked up her bag. "Take care of yourself and…" She paused waiting till Tieria met her eyes, "… don't let him get away without telling him what he means to you." There was a sadness in her expression, regret and hope mingled together. She turned and floated away, putting and arm over Yun's shoulder and leading the girl away with a few waves to Mileana and Feldt. Neil followed them into the shuttle, shutting the hatch behind him.

"What he means to me…" Tieria let the words hang in the air as he watched the speck in the darkness that was the shuttle. He pondered the words as he floated through the hallways and the question behind them. _What did Hilla mean by 'let him get away'? Does she think Neil will leave me? What would that even mean? Neil has never made any commitment to stay with me. The only promise he's made in that respect he broke. 'I'll be back before you know it' he said and yet he was gone for so long. I don't resent him for it. I understand why he did. And I kept going after him. He was injured on earth and I dropped everything just to be near him. I didn't even consider staying. Why? Wouldn't that have been the logical option? Let the doctor heal Neil to the best of her ability, tell Wang Lui Mei to pick up Neil and keep him safe, send the pills through Celestial Being allies. But Tieria wanted to know, to tangibly be able to know that Neil was ok. Then at the Vashti River Home Neil had been so sincere when he said 'I was always coming back.' He always was, _Tieria knew that.

He found himself standing on the observation deck looking out at the belt of the Milky Way. He sighed and bowed his head. It was always hard to think rationally about Neil. His feelings always ended up muddled and indistinct. His head would spin and his mood fluctuated. He doubted his own conclusions and doubted his doubts which lead to dismissing it all and remaining exactly where he had been before. Perhaps that was the real truth of his relationship with Neil, it was a holding pattern. But the idea of it's insignificants was immediately rejected because trying to imagine a life without Neil felt like holding his breath underwater.

"Erde-san!"

Tieria frowned.

"Not now Mileana."

"But I'm bored!"

"I'm busy."

"No you're not."

"I—I'm thinking."

"About what?" She drifted into his view, upside down and pigtails swirling around her head. "About Neil?" She pressed with a grin and wide eyes.

"No," He said too quickly.

Mileana gasped and asked in a shocked voice, "Are you fighting?"

"No."

"Then what are you thinking about?"

"I… What is love, Mileana?"

"Love?" She blinked in confusion then put her finger on her lips and looked up toward the floor. "Mama and Papa are in love."

"How would you define it?"

"Well it's caring very very much for someone?"

"So when does it stop being care and start to be love?"

"Why are you asking?"

"I just—I guess I'm confused."

"You love Neil though."

"I—I don't know."

"But you care about him a lot, more than anyone else, right?" Tieria considered then nodded.

"You're happy when he's around?"

"Yes." Tieria remembered the warm feeling he got when Neil agreed to return with him to space.

"And you're happy when he's happy?"

"Yes." Tieria nodded as he remembered cursing his unconscious reactions whenever Neil cracked his charming grin.

"And you'd do anything if he needed you to?"

"Yes," Tieria replied automatically. He would take insult and injury if that's what Neil needed from him and never resent it. The Villa Minerva wasn't forgotten; It was no longer a throbbing sore, but an old bruise.

"Then that's love," Mileana said it so simply. _I love Neil,_ Tieria thought, as if trying out the phrase and as soon as he did all his confused and jumbled feelings fell together. He realized that all his conclusions and doubts had been pointing to that one simple face he wasn't quite able to see. He realized suddenly that Mileana was still talking babbling about her parents.

"Thank you, Mileana," He said over her and she stopped immediately.

"For what, Erde-san?" She swung her arms so she righted and touched her magnetic shoes to the floor.

"Perspective," He told her and bent to place a chaste kiss on her forehead. She was so shocked that she said nothing as he hurriedly left, purpose in his movement and a small smile on his face. She just watched the door he'd left through with her own smile and sighed.

"Erde-san, I didn't know you could be so sweet," She said with a giggle.

.o0o.

"How was the shuttle ride?" Ian asked as Neil slipped into the seat across from him beside Feldt.

"Uneventful. They looked a bit skeptical about some of the papers but they went through fine and the girls made their train."

"I'm sad to see them go," Ian shook his head.

"You look better Mileana," Neil noted how the small girl was smiling and giggling as always.

"Oh yes," She said with a mischevious gleam.

"She's been down right cheerful all evening and it's pissing me off," Ian grumbled.

"Lighten up daddy. Something wonderful has happened."

"Yeah but you won't tell me what it is," He exclaimed and she laughed.

"Are you alright Feldt?" Neil asked the girl beside him. Feldt nodded.

"Yun and Dr. Stadler are going to do what's important to them, this is what's important to me." She told him.

"You've grown up so much," He ruffled her pink hair. "Chris would be proud."

"I hope so," She said, looking down and blushing. She was still sad but she could see past it.

"Where's Tieria?" He asked the table. Ian and Mileana paused their family banter.

"Don't know," Ian noted. "I saw him down in mechanics but he disappeared before I could talk to him."

"What was he doing down there?"

"No idea."

"Huh." Neil looked around but the familiar head of purple hair was no where to be seen. "I guess he'll show up." Tieria did half an hour later as they were finishing their meal.

"There you are," Neil said when he approached.

"Sorry I'm late."

"Hungry?"

"No."

"Sure?" Neil furrowed his brow and Tieria nodded. There was tension in Tieria's shoulders and his face was strictly perfessional, a look that Neil didn't like on his lover. It meant something was bothering Tieria, something he wouldn't talk about in public. Neil remembered the night before and Tieria's strange attitude. He wondered if even alone they would talk about what was bothering the other man.

"Come on Feldt!" Mileana grabbed her friends arm with one hand and her father's with the other. "I found this really great movie last night."

"When? I told you to go to bed!" Ian demanded of his daughter.

"Papa, I never go to bed when you tell me to."

"Why not? You go right to bed when your mother says to?" The Vashti's and Feldt drifted away.

"Let's get out of here," Neil suggested to Tieria as he passed close to Tieria's ear. He followed silently. In the hall Tieria caught up to Neil, slipping his hand into Neil's, to Neil's surprise, and dragging him down a different hall, away from their rooms.

"Where are we going, Tieria?"

"Somewhere… special." The purple haired man opened a door to the small observation deck where the stars and the endless expanse of space stretched out before them.

"What's out here?" Neil inquired as the door closed behind them and they were alone.

"I was here earlier."

"You must have been thinking about something."

"It's a good place to think. In space everything can seem so simple."

"Verses the surface where everything is messy."

"I would have said that at one time but now even space is complicated."

"What do you mean?"

"You… you and I."

"We're not so complicated."

"I thought so."

"Then…" Neil trialed off and a lump formed in his throat. He had the sudden urge to pull Tieria closer, to stop him from pulling away.

"I realized it's really quite simple."

Neil braced himself.

"I love you." It took a long moment for Neil to process the words but by then Tieria was speaking again, looking straight into his eye, shoulders straight and relaxed. "I have for a long time, even if I didn't know myself. I will be here beside you as long as it is what you want. I will be whatever you need me to be, a friend, a comrade, or a partner. I owe you more than I can ever repay but I would love you even if that debt were erased." Tieria paused, looked down and continued. "I'm not asking for anything from you. I don't expect you to feel the way I do. Even if you move on I will feel the same."

"Tieria…" Neil felt like his own emotions would spill out but the words got caught in his throat. Tieria drew a small case from his pocket and held it out.

"You don't have to accept it but… It seemed appropriate as this is the closest thing I can conceive of to marriage. Still I am not one for sentimentality, it is as functional as it is significant." Neil took the case with steady hands and opened the lid. Inside was a silver ring of metal, simple and rounded with a single inset black band encircling it. "There is a radio pulse inside that will sync to your heart so if you are lost I can find you."

Neil fumbled for words and looked up at Tieria with wide-eyed, disbelief, elation, confusion and love just under the surface but all he saw in Tieria's face was worry. _No, that's not right, _Neil thought and reached out, pulling Tieria close and crashing their lips together. Tieria had barely recovered from shock and relief before Neil pulled away.

"Tieria, I—" A thought crossed Neil's mind as he fumbled for words and he grinned. "Come with me," He pulled his lover quickly out of the observation room and hurriedly through the white halls of Krung Threp to his room. Inside the automatic door plunged them into darkness lit by the emergency lights and the computer.

"Neil?" Tieria asked as his lover stared rummaging through his closet.

"I know it's—AH!" Neil pulled out a small wooden box and returned to Tieria's side, taking the smaller man's hand and pressing the box into it.

"I have something for you as well. I've been saving these for a long time but I never really thought about why. I'm glad I did." Tieria opened the box and found two rings inside lying against the padded velvet sides. "They were my parents, when they first got married. They were poor at the time and since neither of their families approved of the marriage they didn't have much money for nice things. They bought them at a pawn shop in Dublin. When my father's job started paying better and my mother got a few good clients they bought new ones. They gave these to Amy. She loved the engagement ring the most and wore it often. After… the bombing they couldn't get it off her finger. She was buried with it." Neil shook his head. "I found these in the pocket of the overalls on her stuffed bear. I've kept them since."

"Why are you giving them to me?" Tieria asked. Neil chuckled and brushed Tieria's purple hair back from his cheek lovingly. He reached into the box and took out the smaller of the two rings, like the larger one it was patterned with celtic knots inset in the band.

"I doubt the other would fit your finger," Neil said with a smile. He lifted Tieria's left hand. The metal of the ring was cold against his skin and Neil's hands were warm in contrast. It slipped on easily, tight enough that it wouldn't fall off but comfortable. Tieria stared at it then looked up at Neil.

"I've always loved you Tieria," Neil said, eye intent on the other man and voice soft. "I've known it for a long time but I was afraid if I said anything it would push you away. You don't need to ask for me to return your feelings, I already do." Tieria's shock melted into a small smile, Neil grinned in return. The smile spread further up Tieria's face as he closed his eyes and leaned toward Neil, pressing their foreheads together and wrapping his arms around Neil's neck.

"How did this happen?" He asked in amazement.

"I don't know," Neil laughed. "I don't care. I'm happy."

"Ah, this makes it worth it," Tieria whispered.

"Makes what worth it?"

"Being human."

End

* * *

[AN: Well if you got this far I hope it enjoyed it at least a little. I had plans to continue this and rewrite season 2 but I didn't get very far in with that. Send me a message or a review if you would be interested in that. -Ember]


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